|Reviews for Rahzthalt|
| Paigery chapter 5 . 7/25/2005
Kit-ti-yal-tries? Aww, Viki has a pet vine! And it's shy! How cute!
*ahem* Yeah, the way Vikashar talks to Snooks is hilarious. I can just picture that... haha. Just a note, but I still like Snooks, even though he has a distaste for Treiyon Darkall.
Oh, Snooks and Vikashar? What? I wonder if anyone in their world would find that wrong. Hmm.
Argh, I love the way Vikashar acts. He's one of the coolest 13-year-olds I've ever read about or met, haha.
"Are you going to have sex with me? Is that why you're in my bedroom? Do be frank with me." *snik* Wow, I wouldn't want to be with Snooks, he has too much of an anger problem.
YAY! Vikashar is standing up to Alchemaestrius! That makes me happy. Someone has to.
Um, yeah, that's all I could muster for this chapter, ha... I'm so horrible at writing these things. :D
| Paigery chapter 4 . 7/25/2005
Haha, I knew Egewe was going to get upset with Efia because of how she was talking about Fyree... and it bothers me a bit that she's creeped out by the corpse but still feels as if she can talk about how artistic she thought the death was. Maybe that's why it creeps her out, because it wasn't a typical Wilds murder. But, I'm not liking her much. Although I do like it when she stands up for Egewe later. Probably because I don't like Alchemaestrius much either at this moment.
I love Fasia's style. I want to see her palace. I also want to see her- she seems like quite a character. Hehe, "my darling little plum". But why does she like dragons so much? And she has two husbands and also made it with Treiyon Darkall (well, sort of)...? I'm jealous! ...especially because of that last part. *ahem*
Snooks sounds so pretty. Ah. I like it. (I wish to see him in a tunic, hehe) And Alchemaestrius just scares me.
You should draw a picture of Ashhker if you haven't aleady.
TREIYON DARKALL! YAY! And his pimp hat! The way he talks is so cute. Hmm, can Snooks (or anyone, rather)... hurt him though? After reading more, I realized that I have a lot of trouble attempting to read him... haha. I wonder if Egewe would be able to. Or if he can just read humans. Arrgh, too much to ponder!
On to the next chapter, I suppose!
| Souzou-chan chapter 4 . 7/24/2005
I adore your descriptions in this chapter. So clear, percise, painting the scenery and people within my mind. Very excellent!
Uh oh, Snooks is mad. HIDE! ;;
"Oh, no," Fasia began sternly, positioning herself in front of both men. "You shan't be questioning my son about what transpired last night. Goodness me! He is just a young, impressionable little boy..."
Excuse me while I snicker at that for a while.
| Souzou-chan chapter 3 . 7/24/2005
Good chapter, sad to see Fyree die though. Ozano Amck sounds pretty cool and vicious though, and neat with the whole kiss of approval thing going on there. Good flow and storytelling as always.
| Sept. Rose chapter 7 . 7/24/2005
Ah, nothing like a talk with dad to open Vikashar up. Through that conversation, more and more of V's personality was revealed. Yes, underneath the vain and slightly arrogant front he puts up, he too has his doubts, and he doesn't have all the answers. I like Treiyon Darkall, and like I said before, he has more of a way with people than he gives himself credit for. Nice update.
| Moose chapter 5 . 7/24/2005
I usually don't pour out complements when I review one of your stories because I'm sure that plenty of other people do. However, I think it's worth mentioning that Vikashar's view on Fyree's death are extremely befitting to his character, and-perhaps it's just me-give you a nice sense of "Oh yeah, that IS what he would say about it."
However, one thing I noticed was Snooks seems to interchange the use of "ya" and "you" alot-sometimes in the same sentence. I've always thought that "ya" wouldn't be a word you'd use if you were feeling and extreme emotion, unless you're the sort of person who doesn't say "you" at all.
Also, when Snooks is calling Vikashar a liar, his repetitiveness doesn't seem like his character. I don't know of many characters that would say the word "liar" twice in a row, but perhaps you see Snooks differently than I do.
| Todd chapter 6 . 7/21/2005
I definitely learned more about Alchemaestrius, in this chapter. He's not nearly as cool and confident as he'd like to appear. He obviously was good in his former position with Oazno Amck, but now I do wonder if his Amck related emotional outbursts lowered the quality of his some recent events in my life, I can clearly see a problem within Elea which also afflicts someone I know. An irony of sorts occurs to me. Elea is comfortable with who he is, yet he wishes to *appear* apathetic. Vikashar wants to *be* apathetic, despite his being nowhere close to achieving that, at the moment.
This chapter added another layer to Snooks' and Vikashar's relationship for me, or enhanced something I'd already seen, I suppose. Snooks really has me thinking. Perhaps...he impulsively got into a marriage with Fyree, but remained despite losing romantic interest in her(he says he loves her, but that doesn't necessarily mean romantic love). But he actually *falls* for Elea and then Vikashar. Snooks seems to appreciate Vikashar's company and personality more than Elea's...how funny. Snooks has been abusing him all of this time, yet Vikashar may be the object of Snooks' truest love. Ha. I don't honestly know if Vikashar would want a full on relationship with him...er, or at least to be committed to him. Then again, Vikashar doesn't strike me as the committed type, when it comes to relationships. Even if he was, I doubt Vikashar would be completely happy with Iyadan. This might hurt Iyadan, yet he also seems to want Vikashar's well being, which might also mean he wants Vikashar to be emotionally happy, and therefore let him go. Man, to have such complicated emotional issues with relationships and practically everything else, all at the age of thirteen.
I'm a bit weary right now, so I'll come back tomorrow and post about any sentence or spelling issues I may come across, after proofreading
| Sept. Rose chapter 6 . 7/21/2005
Well, you've heard a lot of my thoughts on this chapter already, but I'll say it again.
This chapter, while not about the most pleasant of events, was described wonderfully. The imagery was very well done, and I could see the action perfectly (maybe a little too well, what with the eye thing... I winced). The characters reveal a bit more of their personalities, yet at the same time raise more questions. I am especially curious as to the use of their 'other' names.
Keep going! I look forward to more updates!
| Paigery chapter 3 . 7/19/2005
"Oazno Amck was a very good kisser, he mused. Good at kissing and killing. Some people were just too talented."Best part ever. Though I am jealous of AMCK! for getting to kiss Vikashar, that , anyway, it's really a shame that Fyree is dead already... and I'm just repeating everything I've already told you, but hey, it's 2:45 in the morning. What do you expect?
| Todd chapter 5 . 7/15/2005
Even though Vikashar eventually becomes the victim in this, I do feel that fault lies with both parties. Largely, Snooks is wrong in my eyes to barge in and assholicly seek sympathy from the boy he has molested all of these years. Moreover, seeking sympathy from Vikashar is comparable to searching for STD's in a nunnery. None there, you already knew this, so you're stupid for wasting your time looking. Snooks is violent, and has no right to abuse the son of the woman who so kindly houses, feeds and fucks him. Vikashar is correct in that Snooks will receive sympathy from others, but I do not feel he deserves all of it, as Vikashar stated. Sympathy for the loss of a loved one in valid to me, but he should not be treated like a saint, for the staggering betrayal of his marriage.
I do not find *much* fault with Vikashar, save for that he was stupid to have been *emboldened* enough to criticize Snooks on a mostly unrelated subject, when the wildfire in him had just been temporarily calmed. For your own good, Vikashar, PLEASE don't play on the edge of the frying pan, once you have just pulled yourself out. And I do think the grammar comment was a little malicious on his part, as it had nothing to do with Snooks' assault on him. Vikashar talked his way out of a beating, then talked his way right back into one...
My realization about Snooks, is that he has mostly lost his malicious side, at least around the Fasia family. But he still has that temper, and it leads him to do malicious things that he has trouble good friend Al, on the other hand...is a cold, calculating bastard. Morally, I have no sympathy for him whatsoever. Professionally, I admire him, because those traits must have made him a great assassin.
And now, for random typos or omitted words I've found. Ommitted words shall be in parenthysis.
"That might have made it think that something was wrong, although nothing could (be) farther from the truth."
"That was wrong of me. It's not your fault that your mother is a fucking bitch, but sometimes I see too much of you in her." - Would that not have made more sense, if he'd said he saw too much of *her* in *him*, and not the other way around? After all, it is likely that seeing Fasia in Vikashar is what is pissing Snooks off. I doubt Snooks saw Vikashar in Fasia earlier, than decided he wanted to beat the shit out of Vikashar. I do understand he was already pissed off at Fasia, but he was mainly there to get information from Vikashar. Anyway, I could be wrong, but that was just my opinion on the way that sentence sounded.
"It's not as though she means ill, though." - I only raise this one, because I know you have a thing about sentences sometimes having the same word twice and sounding a little too repetitive. A suitable modification might be "It's not as if she means ill, though", "It's not as though she means ill, however", or " It's not as though she means ill".
"Vikashar was sorely tempted to insult him for this, but that had never worked in the past. It would not work now." - Just a thought, but that might flow a litle more easily, at least to me, if it were 'Vikashar was sorely tempted to insult him for this, but that had never worked in the past, and it would not work now'. Especially considering the next sentence after not working now, also begins with an 'If'.
| Sept. Rose chapter 5 . 7/15/2005
New chapter... Ok, looks like V's in a bit of trouble. Wonder how this will turn out.
My reaction to the 10 years thing is of course o.O but it does explain a lot of things.
Well, not much else, except that it was a good chapter to set up the ensuing conflict.
| Aldrius chapter 4 . 7/14/2005
The discussion in this episode is very interesting. We get to see Fasia for the first time, and what her and many characters think of Fyree's death.
There are alot of interesting elements in this chapter as well, such as dedication. (Fasia to Vikashar, Snooks to Fyree.)
All in all, I while I enjoyed the previous chapter slightly more, this one was very interesting.
| Aldrius chapter 3 . 7/14/2005
Amck is my favourite character out of the... 6? characters I've seen so far.
This chapter really interested me, though. It revealed much about Vikashar, and what people think of him, and his own thoughts on others. 3
Two thumbs up!
| Nebulae chapter 1 . 7/14/2005
Many thanks for your review. If I could bake you an entire batch of cookies and send them to you through the internet, I would. Also, thanks for letting me know that am not the only person who dislikes the writing of Robert Jordan.
As for the story...
erm...'angsting'? I always thought that 'angst' was a noun. Ah well, now I have learned something new. Although, it still sounds funny. I'm going to run to my dictionary for a minute, be back soon.
Back again. Next item of business:The whole run of dialogue from "we were very alike when we married..." to "...the one place where I should be" sounds to me like exposition. For example, if the two characters have been married for ten years, then it is silly for Fyree to say "our job titles have since changed" since he would already know that.
Your other dialogue seems to be vacillating between the ultra-formal, such as "The worsening state of my body suggests otherwise, however, Egewe. My vision has become so sensitive that I may not enjoy much light any longer. Eyes burn easily. And, well, you know of the other thing, I'm certain. I am quite transparent on that subject," and the more contemporary vernacular, like "Doubt it." I vote for the idea that you pick one style of dialogue and stick with it. Since you have both guns and magic in the story, either form of dialogue would be believable, in my mind.
Other than the dialogue, I haven't got any real issues with this chapter. I'm interested to see how guns and palaces and magic go together, and while I'm not a huge fan of your dialogue, I do love your description.
| Moose chapter 4 . 7/13/2005
Again, a nice entry. I assume you hear that enough but I still feel obligated to say it. D
When you describe Ashhker, the sentence that simply states "Ashhker's skin was red" juts out a little bit from the rest of the paragraph. It would make more sense if you were doing a "His skin was red. Just plain red." stylized description paragraph, but that wouldn't really fit.
I realize that Fasia is an important character, but you devote a huge chunk of description to her-and some of it seems like overkill. Especially when you have two sentences close together that start with "Fasia's fuschia eyes."
Also, around that point, it seems like there's an explosion of description when people start walking into the room. It just seems a little bit overwhelming, considering the size of this installment...but perhaps that's just me.