|Reviews for Riverdance: Tale of a Drow|
| CerriC chapter 1 . 10/20/2005
Hahaha, I've found you! Actually, I was being lazy about reviewing at CC... Oh, and I'm fighting myself about writing Chapter 25 of Rua... :)
Anyway, as I hadn't read this yet, I thought I'd see what I missed. I'll probably review it on CC at some point too. I don't think I'm going to read ahead, though. I considered it, but I get credits on CC, so... ;) Yes, I'm greedy.
I guess I didn't miss too much though, this is pretty short! I was really surprised by your profile - it's so long! And I was shocked to discover that we have a lot of the same tastes in music. I listen to a LOT of those bands!
Okay, so most of this hasn't been about the chapter... Oops? I'm going to check out some of your other stuff!
| Rhea Valente chapter 8 . 10/14/2005
Geting long and deep and dark and interesting, I do hope you update soon!
| Rhea Valente chapter 7 . 10/14/2005
Oh dear... these chappies are getting nice and long, now!
| Rhea Valente chapter 6 . 10/14/2005
Right, HAVE to read next chappie! Reading on...
| Rhea Valente chapter 5 . 10/14/2005
Way to go!
Time for one more chappie, methinks...
| Rhea Valente chapter 4 . 10/14/2005
Wow... powerful, eh? One little thing, though:"She would need lots of gold, for the stuff that she needed to do"
I think "stuff" should be "things" but that's the only "mistake" I saw, I'm really intrigued by this! Reading on...
| Rhea Valente chapter 3 . 10/14/2005
Man... getting a bit darker, now, aren't we? I will admit, a few of the words are a little complicated, but it's alright...
I love the simple short chappies!
| Rhea Valente chapter 2 . 10/14/2005
Oh... poor Jishi!...*sniff*... oh thats so sad...
| Rhea Valente chapter 1 . 10/14/2005
Wow! What an opening! I love the two characters already! Reading on...
| Nestalgica chapter 1 . 10/8/2005
Wow... nicely done... was the village destoryed way before they had got there or something? it sounded like right after they left, they had arrived and their place was gone...
One thing i noticed - you said "Near-ebony" and "Near-black" I can understand the constrast and why it's like that, but it's the fact that you say "Near-insert color here" twice, and that takes away from the beauty of the story. It's too repetitive, and it leads to patchy reading... i don't really know a better way to describe it.
Great job, though :D It's a really great story - i'm gonna read the rest later.
| L.P. Campbell chapter 8 . 10/8/2005
Pretty awesome! I do agree with an earlier review in that I feel I don't know quite enough about the characters, but I think you're doing a great job giving little snippets of who they are. I just want more now. ;) I also agree with Nestalgica on the part part about the whip and the bloodstains. Other than that, great job and I look forward to reading more!
| Nestalgica chapter 8 . 10/8/2005
Well - here it is :D
First - I think that maybe you should put the dream sequence in italics. I think it help discern the dream from the regular text. At least, that's what i do. You can write it however you want, it's your opinion.
Next - There was a sentence, "There were also stains on the whip- bloodstains." that could have been better. You can create an equal amount of or more suspense by just saying "The whip was bloodstained.", because the first one's saying "There were stains on the whip - oh, yeah, they were bloodstains." With the shorter sentence, it seems darker and more morbid. It fits the scene better.
Third - When the guard is holding the rope stonily, instead of Riverdance thinking she would be in for a rough ride, say that the guard swung the whip slowly and she watched it like a pendulum. It adds detail, and my biggest pet peeve is not having enough detail. Metaphors will always be your friends :D
Fourth - there really is no fourth... i think it's really well written. :O her real name is Tylaira Quezxc? that's really hard to say. Maybe her name could be altered... just slightly, so we don't have such a hard time saying it X_x
I thought it was awesome - i think that you signing off was just a ploy to get me to read the whole thing :D Ah, well... it worked either way... off to read the first 7 chapters!
| Teffie chapter 1 . 7/31/2005
I don't have time to review every chapter at the moment, but I'll just say that I like your first one very much. It could be a bit longer, though. The name Riverdance kinda made me laugh. I don't know if you intentionally named her after a form of clog dancing, but it amused me. Also, I think it was a bit unrealistic how Jishi pulled Riverdance into a tree...he'd have to be very strong to do that said, I think you have a good story here. I'll be back to finish it!
| E1pnvn chapter 7 . 7/30/2005
This is an interesting story you have here. This magical world that you've created is really impressive and I get the feeling that you already know all about the creatures and languages that are in it. It's original but still has a nice traditional flair, kind of like J.R.R. Tolkien. In short, you get full marks for creativeness in my book. The only things you might want to change is your spelling (only a few typos, but be careful) and the pace your story is going in.
I think that your story is moving a little too quickly for my taste. It opened up right into action without telling the readers about the characters or their people. That's good in some cases and it actually worked out pretty well in this story at first, but it left me not really understanding a lot of things. I would have liked to know a little more about the Drows and their lifestyle and whatnot. That might have given me a few clues as to why they were raided. Maybe someone accidently incited a raider's wrath, or maybe the Drows were peaceful people and the raid was completely unjust. It would have helped to know a bit about that.
Also, Riverdance and Jishi seemed to get over the death of their people a little quickly. I mean, they did have that little spat with the staff (ok, ok, it was a BIG spat) but after that, when they came to the town, they seemed perfectly fine again. It was just a bit of an odd transition, that's all.
But, despite those things, I think this is a great story. Jishi's my favorite character. He seems so nice and he means well, but it seems that he'll always be getting into trouble. Poor guy. Anyway, great work. I'll definately keep checking up on this one!
| Stories Unlimited chapter 7 . 7/28/2005
This is a very good story. I can't wait for the next chapter. By the way, Thanks for the review!