*grins* Good luck, and may the gods leave you alone. I've never heard it put quite like that, but I like it.

Magic on a stick! Yay!

And T'alnoth makes his appearance...

Interesting. I know all the other chaps are up, but I gotta head to school. Forgive me! Also, I think I know the private joke deal.

Question... Only one chipped tooth? Trust me, I haven't been snapping at iron bars, but just chewing on hard candies is enough to reduce your teeth to shreds if you do it "umpteen" times...

Also, the lack of a break between the storyteller and the wolf was a little confusing. Is that intentional? It was slightly difficult to go from the dragoness to the white wolf without one of your lovely subject breaks...

I continue to read...

~GryphonFledglingOfSilverWings

Good stuff. I haven't gotten enough of a plot to really comment on it or critique it, but I suppose it will all come in time...

I must say, though, that I am happy to see someone else besides Shadow Gryphon and myself that spells the word 'gryphon' that way. It looks so much more mythological that way...

Well, I must continue to read so that my next review might be a little less... d...

~GryphonFledglingOfSilverWings

Pfft. That wasn't a Deus, not even close. Don't even know what you were worried about...

More grammatical problems in this chapter. You could really use an editor.

Otherwise, still good. The plot's fairly solid, even if it is moving on rather quickly.

Oh-ho ... that's no good. L'zul really didn't show much discretion in his youth, did he? Hrmm. I think this was a revelation you could have delayed. Could've been dragged out good and long. Ah, well.

Sapphire Hegemony, huh? Have you called it that in any of the past chapters? I don't remember, but it's a pretty cool name anyways.

Yeah, uh ... still kinda annoying how you format a whole paragraph instead of just the speech/whatever.

And, much as I would like to find out just what happens to L'zul next, I'll have to leave it 'till tomorrow. It's getting kinda late.

Whoa O_o

Scary talking letters? Hmm...

In the early part of this chapter, there were numerous problems with your grammar. Nothing unforgivable, but an edit would still be nice.

"By order of High Inquisitor Zel’run, this vile place has been cleansed by purification team No.253A. This control action was carried out on the twelfth of both full moons, After Blighting 19844 and has been duly approved." - very well worded. I like. Tres cool.

Wha? D'raneor was actually *good* at some things? :O

Your setting is admirably constructed, though I would usually prefer something more serious. Good work in general.

"please step up with your weapon, please." - not the first time you've done that. You really shouldn't. One "please" is enough, generally speaking.

"X'for ar gardias. Est pollos arn ni. Arsh ter ara..." - woot. I like magic-speak. Sounds kinda Latin, save for a few words.

The sections about D'raneor cut in rather stridently, I find, as it doesn't tie in with the main story arc just yet. A better way to handle this would be to separate the chapters into L'zul (and company), and D'raneor, covering them separately until they tie together.

200 rounds? How f*&ing old is L'zul, anyways? O_o

Speaking with the landscape ... now *there's* a useful power. Erm, I mean, not that I intend to 'borrow' it, or ... ahem.

The gap between the second-last and last sections disrupted the flow of the chapter. You could have written more inbetween, although I don't suppose it would have added anything of substance.

Atm, I'm just wondering whether the excavation is connected with the dream message L'zul received ... hmm.

Nice joke at the start.

Plot is moving along at a good pace, and it's involved enough to keep me interested. Doing well.

Stylistically, it loses points because you italicise the whole paragraph when someone is thinking. Only the 'thoughts' themselves should be in italics.

Well I've returned to this, finally ... 'bout bloody time ... many apologies for my long absence.

It was a short chapter, so I don't have terribly much to say about it. One thing I found a little odd, was the accent you wrote into L'zul's voice when he was half-Changed. I can understand that you intended it to be a growl, but I felt it didn't have quite that affect.

I cant decide if I like or dislike your breaks in the story, i feel like it can be distracting and annoying but it also takes something away from your story. Have you ever read the Princess Bride the author does that to insert jokes sorta fore satire. and it works really well there. I dont think it works well here, especially because you went through the trouble of adding a glossary, also you could tryshort explanations in the story

Youve got a good start, the first chapter was much weaker than this one simply because nothing really happened, but here you get a good idea as to the charictors, I Was slightly confused as to who was telling the story when you first begain, as it sorta seemed like the kids were rushing at Garradan saying he was the story teller. It was only when he was giving the lady gold that i realized it was the other way. Although him saying it was informative sorta makes him seem suspicious so him wondering how she knew is sorta self deffeting. I look forward to more.