|Reviews for The Promotion|
| thesideeffect chapter 1 . 5/26
I don't know if you'll be able to read this because this story is sooo long ago. But I'll take a shot at it anyway because I want you to hear me out.
I loved your story...up 'till chapter 19, that is. I'm going to proceed with the things I love about the story first.
I mainly stayed and got hooked because of the witty banter and how well you transitioned the story of Wes and Jenna. I love Jenna's flaws and her awesome friendship with her mom. And also, you pack a hefty in each chappie and I absolutely love that.
Now to the con. One indication that I really loved your story is that I skipped to the ending to find out if I'm in for a heartbreaking ending or what. And when I found out that Jenna ended up with Jon, well...I wasn't happy to say the least. It's not a matter of being Team Wesley or John. I don't care who she ends up with. Look, there's nothing bad with veering off from the cliche. I liked how you attempted to do that with this story. But the way you executed it...didn't quite settle well with me. I know I have no right to say this because you're the author and you know your story better than I do but I might as well put my two cents into this in hopes that what Im going to say will be helpful.
You (unconsciously or not) fleshed out Wesley to be the guy Jenna ends up with. It's clear right from the summary and the first chapter. You built the readers's expectation and you also built Wes to be the guy she ended up with. It seemed to me that you decided ON A WHIM that Jon would end up with her instead. The love triangle wasn't well mapped out. Authors write in a way that clues in readers on who the protagonist ends up with. To do otherwise would be a pitfall. And that's what you did. If Jon really was the main character, not Wesley, then it should've been evident right off the bat.
| LisaIsAmazing chapter 25 . 5/14
You forgot a certain someone...The girl who 'befriended' Jenna and was the second girl Trevor was dating...Just an important thought
| KarasunoFan chapter 23 . 1/2
Whoa I have skipped the 3 hours of cardio i had scheduled today to read this. Super engaging and the drama has made my heart rate shoot up so high it's like I am doing cardio.
| jay chapter 5 . 10/30/2014
Yours chap are Too big
| Mistrelia of the Ice chapter 13 . 9/22/2014
Finally, this chick is starting to get some self-worth and maybe accept the fact that he likes her without all the goddamn excuses. And this chapter did help me out a bit with believing they're gonna adopt now. It's funny that I'm saying this since I'm the Queen of "I hate when relationships move too fast in stories" and trust me, I do, but damn girl, I hope she at least starts giving him a few allowances. Honestly though, the biggest hope for me is that the next time she sees Trevor, even if Wesley's out of the picture, she DESERVES so much better. I don't care if a woman is an incredibly dumb bitch with the worst background in the world, no woman should ever have to think they aren't worth a real man that loves them. As a bisexual, I wouldn't even dream of laying my hands on a woman. They're meant to be treated like stubborn, lovely jewels. For that reason, she doesn't need to scream or shout, but it would be nice if she had an honest (as safely supervised) chat with Trevor to end everything and truly move on. I will honestly hate this character if she even THINKS about him being in her life. I don't care how many promises, how many AA meetings, how many new jobs or whatever he does to clean himself up, as bad as it hurts, never let a man like that back even in your phone contacts. Settle everything, and walk away.
| Mistrelia of the Ice chapter 12 . 9/22/2014
Time to be honest, your story was really interesting so far but the fact that she's so determined not to love a man who's good for her but will obviously jump if Trevor asks her to once she gets back home is really pissing me off. That's just my impression of her. Either way, I'm also having a hard time believing this scenario. Who adopts a child with a person they're hell bent on not loving after one conversation? I'm all for adoption and would love to do it myself if I had the money or resources (hell, one of my greatest dreams is to be a mother, and giving a child a home who had none would be wonderful) but Jenna is starting to feel like a vapid woman who constantly uses excuses for every problem in her life, takes the easy way out, and is honestly a bit selfish. Yes, it's nice she wants to adopt, but once again, it's a bit of an inconceivable scenario. I'm not being convinced to believe this is she would do. She also really doesn't think. Lying is a bad thing yeah, but is she so selfish to not just indulge a little to help the man she cares about? Hell, is she really lying? She loves his family too. Oh but wait, I forgot she seems like the type to not love a guy unless he smacks her around a bit. Seriously, women have a bad habit of attaching themselves to garbage and then blaming the world instead of themselves when nothing goes right.
| Mistrelia of the Ice chapter 11 . 9/22/2014
I like this story but I'm slowly starting to not like your main character. There's a difference between self-deprecation and just plain stupidity. She didn't want Trevor arrested or to loose his job despite HITTING HER. She is perfectly okay with defending that FUCKING ASSHOLE but she is so determined to end everything with Wesley that she's not even giving him a chance. Fuck, I bet the first time he makes a mistake she's walking. Honestly, I feel bad for him and am really starting to get irritated with her. Just what more does he need to prove? And hell, if he does have a flaw, he's human! With all that he's done just to get her to even LIKE him you'd think she'd give the guy a damn bone.
| Mistrelia of the Ice chapter 4 . 9/22/2014
I CALLED THAT SHIT! I so called your plotline and I've been sitting here secretly hoping I was right and BOOM, you granted my wish! Yay!
| evelyn chapter 33 . 9/16/2014
NOOOOOOOOOO I WISH WESLEY AND JENNA GOT TOGETHER INSTEAD! :(
| AmeliaRivers chapter 24 . 6/19/2014
This chapter right here just made me love you. I felt my heart squeeze and I was like you little shit. This is what I want out of a story a total bomb that I kind of knew might have been happening but when I read it I'm still like you little shit. Awesomeness. I loved everything up till now but this. This. Is my favorite part.
Better review when I finish but sqeeee I'm like a little girl watching a novela unfold but better!
| azeeunlove chapter 33 . 6/14/2014
There were definitely frustrating moments in this story when I was like JENNA WHAT ARE YOU DOING? It was definitely well thought out with all of the details planned carefully and I really enjoyed reading this!
| We Used To Wait chapter 1 . 5/25/2014
Okay, so I only have a couple thing to say by just reading the first section of the story (until her boss picks her up).
1.) I think the grammar needs a wee bit of work. There were a couple of run-ons and other other sentences that needed comma placement. Nothing too big.
2.) Maybe you can exercise your flexibility for syntax improvement and variation. You want to be able to add your own style and voice to your writing.
3.) I know that her mother and Martin offered her a ride home as well as waiting for another ride, and I know she stupidly refused, but having her walk home in the end is still weird. First off, who the heck is that stupid enough to refuse a ride home when you're faced with the cold and a lonesome trek along the side of a road? And who's parents would simply accept that decision? It kind of made me lose a bit of respect for the characters, and I didn't feel like reading on.
In general, I think sprucing up your vernacular vocabulary will do you well. I spotted many sentences (within just the first section) that could have been reconstructed in order to explain the idea in less words and in a more eloquent way. This would be possible if you had used more elevated nouns and verbs- not adjectives or adverbs.
On the other hand, I'd like to congratulate your for finishing your story! Most authors on this site don't complete their story, much to the disappointment of loyal readers. So congrats! You deserve something nice.
| LilithX chapter 20 . 5/21/2014
I know this story is already completed and I'm going to be finishing it soon but just thought I'd take a time out here to say, love the story so far. Although the stress and distrust Jenna is feeling is matched by my own anxiety and is wearing me out haha I need to know what happens next. Also I just wanted to leave here, at this point, that I don't like Wesley lol. He was charming at first but then he turned too fake and now I kind of hope there is a major plot twist and she ends up with Jon.
| leavemeialone chapter 33 . 5/10/2014
I have seen this story for a while, but I never took the opportunity to take the time to read it. NOW, I FINALLY DID! I am so glad that I did. I know you have gotten so many mixed reviews, but I honestly loved the story. I kind of thought it was going to be a typical cliche of a fake marriage turning into a real marriage. But it didn't end up like that. I am glad it wasn't like that. instead, we saw it turn into a love triangle. Again, there were so many moments in which I was like Jenna, I didn't know who she was going to choose. It wasn't so straight forward, in which she should have ended up with the first guy who made his move (I definitely don't mean her ex-boyfriend! I meant her boss.) But as the story went on, I found myself slowly going to Team Jon. But I found myself still also being Pro Jenna, supporting and understanding her decisions. Being in a love triangle was hard, someone was bound to get hurt. Based off of your author's notes, I am sorry to hear how the negative reactions received from this story. I support your decision and I loved the way the story ended up turning out. I wouldn't have changed it in anyway. I am so glad I read this story all at once because of all the events in this story, I would have been so frustrated waiting for updates. This story is so intense and so good, I would have died waiting to see what Jenna's next move. I know Jon isn't perfect, but he seems amazing. He is quite refreshing and different. I also love him and his pancakes. XD Thanks for this great story!
| Argie chapter 21 . 5/9/2014
Okay, your story is well written, but I have a bone to pick about your comments about how any orphan would/should be grateful for a home at all, even if it is not ideal. You are looking at this from the wrong perspective! Have you ever talked with a person who was adopted, especially as an older child? They tend to be extremely insecure. Many times they have lost people they were attached to, such as parents or foster parents. Above all else they need stability. Your characters are being extremely selfish. They consider making themselves feel good, i.e. rescuing some small child from poverty just so they can sit back and say that they have done their part, above doing what is best for a child. STABILITY is what they need, whether it is with a single parent or two. They don't need to start getting used to having two parents in the house and then suddenly, for reasons they may or may not understand, one parent moves out and they rarely get to see the other parent! That's just plain cruel. Next time, might I suggest that you get a little more information on this topic. Read blogs by adoptive parents. Some of the blogs might try to portray adoption as easy, but it rarely is except for babies.