|Reviews for The Promotion|
| Mistrelia of the Ice chapter 12 . 9/22/2014
Time to be honest, your story was really interesting so far but the fact that she's so determined not to love a man who's good for her but will obviously jump if Trevor asks her to once she gets back home is really pissing me off. That's just my impression of her. Either way, I'm also having a hard time believing this scenario. Who adopts a child with a person they're hell bent on not loving after one conversation? I'm all for adoption and would love to do it myself if I had the money or resources (hell, one of my greatest dreams is to be a mother, and giving a child a home who had none would be wonderful) but Jenna is starting to feel like a vapid woman who constantly uses excuses for every problem in her life, takes the easy way out, and is honestly a bit selfish. Yes, it's nice she wants to adopt, but once again, it's a bit of an inconceivable scenario. I'm not being convinced to believe this is she would do. She also really doesn't think. Lying is a bad thing yeah, but is she so selfish to not just indulge a little to help the man she cares about? Hell, is she really lying? She loves his family too. Oh but wait, I forgot she seems like the type to not love a guy unless he smacks her around a bit. Seriously, women have a bad habit of attaching themselves to garbage and then blaming the world instead of themselves when nothing goes right.
| Mistrelia of the Ice chapter 11 . 9/22/2014
I like this story but I'm slowly starting to not like your main character. There's a difference between self-deprecation and just plain stupidity. She didn't want Trevor arrested or to loose his job despite HITTING HER. She is perfectly okay with defending that FUCKING ASSHOLE but she is so determined to end everything with Wesley that she's not even giving him a chance. Fuck, I bet the first time he makes a mistake she's walking. Honestly, I feel bad for him and am really starting to get irritated with her. Just what more does he need to prove? And hell, if he does have a flaw, he's human! With all that he's done just to get her to even LIKE him you'd think she'd give the guy a damn bone.
| Mistrelia of the Ice chapter 4 . 9/22/2014
I CALLED THAT SHIT! I so called your plotline and I've been sitting here secretly hoping I was right and BOOM, you granted my wish! Yay!
| evelyn chapter 33 . 9/16/2014
NOOOOOOOOOO I WISH WESLEY AND JENNA GOT TOGETHER INSTEAD! :(
| AmeliaRivers chapter 24 . 6/19/2014
This chapter right here just made me love you. I felt my heart squeeze and I was like you little shit. This is what I want out of a story a total bomb that I kind of knew might have been happening but when I read it I'm still like you little shit. Awesomeness. I loved everything up till now but this. This. Is my favorite part.
Better review when I finish but sqeeee I'm like a little girl watching a novela unfold but better!
| azeeunlove chapter 33 . 6/14/2014
There were definitely frustrating moments in this story when I was like JENNA WHAT ARE YOU DOING? It was definitely well thought out with all of the details planned carefully and I really enjoyed reading this!
| We Used To Wait chapter 1 . 5/25/2014
Okay, so I only have a couple thing to say by just reading the first section of the story (until her boss picks her up).
1.) I think the grammar needs a wee bit of work. There were a couple of run-ons and other other sentences that needed comma placement. Nothing too big.
2.) Maybe you can exercise your flexibility for syntax improvement and variation. You want to be able to add your own style and voice to your writing.
3.) I know that her mother and Martin offered her a ride home as well as waiting for another ride, and I know she stupidly refused, but having her walk home in the end is still weird. First off, who the heck is that stupid enough to refuse a ride home when you're faced with the cold and a lonesome trek along the side of a road? And who's parents would simply accept that decision? It kind of made me lose a bit of respect for the characters, and I didn't feel like reading on.
In general, I think sprucing up your vernacular vocabulary will do you well. I spotted many sentences (within just the first section) that could have been reconstructed in order to explain the idea in less words and in a more eloquent way. This would be possible if you had used more elevated nouns and verbs- not adjectives or adverbs.
On the other hand, I'd like to congratulate your for finishing your story! Most authors on this site don't complete their story, much to the disappointment of loyal readers. So congrats! You deserve something nice.
| LilithX chapter 20 . 5/21/2014
I know this story is already completed and I'm going to be finishing it soon but just thought I'd take a time out here to say, love the story so far. Although the stress and distrust Jenna is feeling is matched by my own anxiety and is wearing me out haha I need to know what happens next. Also I just wanted to leave here, at this point, that I don't like Wesley lol. He was charming at first but then he turned too fake and now I kind of hope there is a major plot twist and she ends up with Jon.
| leavemeialone chapter 33 . 5/10/2014
I have seen this story for a while, but I never took the opportunity to take the time to read it. NOW, I FINALLY DID! I am so glad that I did. I know you have gotten so many mixed reviews, but I honestly loved the story. I kind of thought it was going to be a typical cliche of a fake marriage turning into a real marriage. But it didn't end up like that. I am glad it wasn't like that. instead, we saw it turn into a love triangle. Again, there were so many moments in which I was like Jenna, I didn't know who she was going to choose. It wasn't so straight forward, in which she should have ended up with the first guy who made his move (I definitely don't mean her ex-boyfriend! I meant her boss.) But as the story went on, I found myself slowly going to Team Jon. But I found myself still also being Pro Jenna, supporting and understanding her decisions. Being in a love triangle was hard, someone was bound to get hurt. Based off of your author's notes, I am sorry to hear how the negative reactions received from this story. I support your decision and I loved the way the story ended up turning out. I wouldn't have changed it in anyway. I am so glad I read this story all at once because of all the events in this story, I would have been so frustrated waiting for updates. This story is so intense and so good, I would have died waiting to see what Jenna's next move. I know Jon isn't perfect, but he seems amazing. He is quite refreshing and different. I also love him and his pancakes. XD Thanks for this great story!
| Argie chapter 21 . 5/9/2014
Okay, your story is well written, but I have a bone to pick about your comments about how any orphan would/should be grateful for a home at all, even if it is not ideal. You are looking at this from the wrong perspective! Have you ever talked with a person who was adopted, especially as an older child? They tend to be extremely insecure. Many times they have lost people they were attached to, such as parents or foster parents. Above all else they need stability. Your characters are being extremely selfish. They consider making themselves feel good, i.e. rescuing some small child from poverty just so they can sit back and say that they have done their part, above doing what is best for a child. STABILITY is what they need, whether it is with a single parent or two. They don't need to start getting used to having two parents in the house and then suddenly, for reasons they may or may not understand, one parent moves out and they rarely get to see the other parent! That's just plain cruel. Next time, might I suggest that you get a little more information on this topic. Read blogs by adoptive parents. Some of the blogs might try to portray adoption as easy, but it rarely is except for babies.
| deets1 chapter 31 . 5/9/2014
Oh yeah, I forgot to say that I really appreciate the oath Jenna took when she found out about the townhouse. It was even better than my wish die the fulfillment of the ending. It was good, and made the ending even better.
| deets1 chapter 32 . 5/8/2014
Oh, and I did not miss that oh-so-coy story picture reference there. Yeah. That foreshadowing. I appreciate it.
| deets1 chapter 33 . 5/8/2014
WARNING SPOILERS HERE (OBVIOUSLY) SO IF YOU HAVE NOT READ THE STORY PLEASE DO NOT READ THIS OR I WILL HIT YOU. IN SPIRIT.
Okay so this was amazing.
firstly the first... 15 chapters or so were bliss. You built reader loyalty so well during those things... almost too much really. Because you see I was interrupted from reading this entire thing straight through because life. Had I not been, it would have been easy to read straight through. However, in chapter 21, when Jenna decided to take up the date I was incredibly close to leaving. In fact, I did. I glanced at chapter 33 to see how it would end (because trust me I HAD to know the ending), got some fuzzy gist (that was wrong, by the way) about it-i figured she and Jon were post-sex or something, in bed in the morning, already married or engaged. Don't ask why i glanced to see who the guy would be and got almost nothing.
And then I left.
For five seconds.
Because you see, you built an incredible thing for your readers, for me, and I couldn't just know the ending (kind of) and then not know how it happened. It bothered me immensely for the five seconds I spent getting to another phone tab to find another story, and in the end I just came back and finished reading.
And, as if that weren't enough, your story was good enough that (even though I actually had no idea what happened at the end) I couldn't even be sure that chapter 33 was for read. Seriously, this story was yanking my chain so hard by Ukraine that I was perpetually afraid that I read an alternate ending and the guy wouldn't be Jon in the end. Because believe me, I wanted Jon. Thanks to the glimpse, I realized the error of my Wesley ways. That and fucking Kim. Perhaps not literally. But that bitch.
BUT, despite these facts, I need to tell you some things:
I left, not because this story wasn't good, but because I was getting bored with love triangles. I pretty much hate them now. Long story short I fasted from manga and then when I came back I binged on crappy shoujos because those are all over. Love. Triangle. City. I can barely take them anymore.
But, more than that, Jenna was no longer fitting the ever-perfect mold I had her in, and that bothered me. Along with this recent trend of me just getting bored of what I'm reading. Obviously though, I wasn't actually bored of this, because I couldn't leave-knowing the ending made it WORSE. (Note that I hate spoilers and the fact that I went to the ending instead of just leaving is a testament to how much I really like this thing). Anyway, it was me, not you, a moment of weakness, yadda yadda.
But, funny enough, I didn't really hate Jenna. So she shopped. Okay she was being kinda dumb in a way. She lied to Wesley. Ummm, still dumb. Didn't have sex with Jon. Lovely girl. Then Wesley knew though (thank god for that... I'm actually so happy she didn't have to keep lying) so it was okay because of the weird plan thing. Also, she was so guilty that it was hard not to love her still. So yeah I had nothing against Jenna.
More than anything else though I have to tell you I love how real this is. And I really mean that. This is one weird family. Not perfect, not prince charming, and a long time in coming. Wesley and Jon are more closely related now than... they ever expected to be. Ever. It's weird, 'specially with their lovely 'traditional' family (ha! I wanna see Wesley's Mom's face...). (WAIT. We never met Wes' parents. What an achievement.)
I mean this was messy. Wesley yanked Jenna yanked Jon yanked Jenna yanked-everyone was yanking everyone else's chains! There were so many mistakes made. No one knew anything about what to do, or the future, or their true feelings or anything. It was frustrating and damn nerve-wracking (more so for knowing the ending) but it was great.
Plus the sex-it was so real! They didn't miraculously climax at the same time, and then there was the almost awkward first 'fitting,' and the occasional random quip-it was so them! I loved it. It's nice.
Love Jon, by the way, he's an awesome dude.
And Jenna. Jon and Jenna.
Wesley's pretty cool.
Abby's eh. Don't hate her, kinda like her, she's interesting.
Robin's so... Robin. XD
Poor George though was kind of shunted aside-I mean I got that Jenna was done with him, but we never got to see the wrap-up, or how Jenna felt about it as she did it. That's one fridge-logic plot-hole thing. If that counts. Probably not but. Here. (I need to keep this review quality, okay, I need some constructive criticism-and that's probably all I've got so yeah).
Not sure if I already wrote this but I liked this so much that I immediately transitioned to my computer (I read on my phone) so I could type out the review because I knew it would be long. I'm no stranger to long reviews but when you're this sure about a review it's best just to lessen the pain, and go comp.
I'm so glad I read this. So nice.
Love Jon. And Jenna. Those names, so compatible.
I appreciate the plot twist. I'm personally actually not averse if you want to do that in the future. It was well-done and beautiful and I LOVE THE ENDING ASDFGHJKL JON. AND JENNY GETS JON AND APPLE PANCAKES DAMMIT.
And can we talk about how now apple pancakes are almost a meme for them. I can just see the arguing heavily when they're married, and Jenna's about to truly lose her shit when Jon's just like: "But... apple pancakes." And then she can't help but crack a smile, no matter how much she's trying not to. Come on. Don't tell me you don't see it.
These are pretty much the only two characters I truly see marrying. Usually when I finish stories the characters remain in that sort of limbo forever in my mind. Unless I'm being self-aware, then I'm just like 'okay but... are they actually, truly going to get married? Probably not.' These two are though. Helps that they're adults and she already has a child.
AND ANYA. DEAR CHILD SO BEAUTIFUL.
Okay maybe I should stop here.
Oh, and okay okay wait the beautiful contrast you have going between initial Jon the Jerk, and the actual Jon the BEAUTIFULLY AWESOME HUMAN BEING OMFG ASDFGHJKL I'm sorry but I can't right now. She dug deeper! She got it!
And I can finally approve of the smirk Jenna gave to that one restaurant employee who gave Jon their number. I was not impressed when she first did that, like who what and why would she...?
But now I'm just like YEAH. JONJENNA FOR THE WIN BITCHESSSSSSS.
I just love this too much. It was beautiful and I love you for writing it. I enjoyed it too much.
| mylittleprincess chapter 33 . 5/4/2014
| gulistala chapter 31 . 5/4/2014
It still doesn't make sense- I bet Wesley didn't dish the whole story.