|Reviews for Arcadia|
| Flame Rising lazy to sign in chapter 55 . 5/10/2007
| Dachande663-ff chapter 55 . 2/15/2007
I don't care how long it takes between updates, any wait is worth reading another chapter of this story. The plot you are building up just gets better and better, I can't wait to see how this latest twist takes a turn!
| Dachande663-ff chapter 54 . 1/10/2007
Finally! Not only a new chapter (can't believe its been so long), but also the first true connection between Tommy and Arcadia! (Ignoring some other things etc etc.) This really is the (I mean THE) best story on FictionPress bar none. What you have created is a masterpiece, a rich tapestry of lives that is so complex and cleverly interwoven it beats most published books in terms of originality and power to hold a reader.
Zeronova, you are undoubtedly a master of the English language, please continue writing!
| theTwilightPen chapter 40 . 9/30/2006
...Why do I keep feeling more pity for poor Tommy Boy as this goes on?
You have definetely developed the story-no longer do I find repetition. Great job.
| theTwilightPen chapter 1 . 9/30/2006
...Wow. Always nice to read a good thriller. And if it comes along with the action and tone of Ludlum? Hey, even better.
First chapter and I appreciate it highly. However, I do have a few things to critique on, and I hope you do not mind.
1: Though obviously you put a lot of emphasis in the word "average" it is used a little bit too much. Different words easily can be put into play.
2: The same goes with repetitious (is that even a word?) beginnings: periodically I found myself noticing that your sentences (it was more common in the beginning than later in, nevertheless...) began quite frequently with "the" and "he." Once again, considering the action of this story asofar, I have no doubts you can put more variety into it.
Well: I think that's all I could really "critique" on. Thanks for the read. It's a refreshing blast of air.
| Dachande663-ff chapter 53 . 9/22/2006
“I said the gun, not the bullets.” - I loved that line ;-). Another very good chapter, I like how you're slowly bringing the two characters together. And now we learn that Rehyer was a part of Arcadia. This story is definitely getting better and better, I mean 53 chapters in and it still feels like the beginning of the story. Your story just gets better and better, every character you create is brilliantly executed with a unique personality and excellent detail. As usual, I can't wait for your next update, I don't mind waiting a month if they are as good as your other chapters.
| Dachande663-ff chapter 52 . 8/24/2006
I thought you'd almost given up with this story it's been so long. It seems my faith is rewarded! A very good chapter, you've turned someone I thought was just a pawn into someone with a definite history and an even more uncertain future. A few typos as usual, but brilliant work. You really do know how to write excellent fiction!
| Dachande663-ff chapter 51 . 6/25/2006
A simply brilliant chapter, it feels as though Kotzki's story is just starting to take off. I hope he can realise his dreams.A few little typos, but another top notch piece of writing.
| Thomas Paxton chapter 50 . 6/21/2006
Once again, good continuation of the story.
It does seem that Josef is slightly delusional, but given his character he does have the plan to back his words, at least that is the impression that I'm given.
The way York Behaves with Divson also seems to show that his character is slowly changing into more of a person rather than a machine, and I think that you're doing a good job keeping the transition subtle yet at the same time noticable.
I guess I've completely caught up with you now so I'll have to sit back and wait, rather than reading at a whim.
Again, outstanding thus far, and I am looking foward to updates.
| Dachande663-ff chapter 50 . 6/13/2006
Excellent chapter, you can really feel the power in Josef's words. I really hope he gets his usual 11/10! Keep on writing.
| Dachande663-ff chapter 48 . 6/6/2006
LOL, I liked that last part. A real nice chapter with a good amount of dialogue. I noticed a few typos and the like, but overall bril work. Write more!
| Kaiser Ryouga II chapter 2 . 5/11/2006
I'm back, oddly enough. And here I am, mulling over the next chapter of a story that does seem to be holding steady in my eyes. Well lets just get the tools out of the toolbox and make a start...
This chapter introduces the second half of the main character duality. And in essence I can say that I find Kotzki's character a bit more interesting that York's. A nice touch of flair in him, with a pretty girl on his arm, but also a degree of philanthropy, with the money for the 'poor'. I find that interesting, in more ways than one. Of course, what I really found motivating in this chapter was the discourse between Kotzki and Nastasha about Mother Russia;
'It’s the finest vodka in all of the motherland.”
“It’s not the motherland anymore, Josef.”
I dunno what time period this figures into but I can guess it must be a fairly modern time, considering that it touches upon Cold War sentiments. But most important of all, the story begins moving with the first connection between plotlines, this 'Selene Technologies'. I'll be looking to see where it goes from here.
Criticisms? Um, I guess Nastasha behaves in a very 'floozy-esque' way for someone so conscious of the dissolving of the Russian superpower and knowledgeable about the hopelessness of short-term aid for the poor. Just an observation.
Thus Spoke Kaiser.
| Kaiser Ryouga II chapter 1 . 5/2/2006
You know, as far as original works go, the differences between you and me is probably as glaring as it could ever possibly get. This chapter is pretty telling of the fact. More 60 words long alone, I can honestly say that I don’t usually go to that kind of effort for an opening chapter. But enough about me, I’m here to deliver a long overdue review to this nugget. I’ll be reading each chapter periodically and dropping of a review of each one, each time, so bear with me.
I usually like beginning with the praises so here it comes. First things first, I liked York. You’ve obviously gone to extreme lengths to underplay any ’wow’ factor here - you wanted to write of an ‘ordinary’ man in an extra-ordinary profession, and I can honestly say that I get that vibe from this guy. I also get a sense of jaded indifference, as though York had been through this process so long and so many times that the thought of robbing a guy from his family and loved ones just wasn’t important - that’s both cold and sensible, in more than one way. I also liked the methodical understanding he has of guns. I don’t know shit-all about guns, even though I use them more often than not as a ‘cheap’ weapon for characters in my fantasy/Sci-Fi workings. I liked that you reflected a knowledge of guns and ballistics in this story, with things like sunlight, recoil, origin (of the gun - ‘military’) and expenses in consideration. You’ve either had a personal understanding of firearms or you’ve done your homework. Either way, I’m quite impressed. Back to the story, the description of Toronto, the glassy buildings on a hot day, the Latino music in the background, the crowds around the wreckage of Tufton’s limo, all well executed. And more importantly you didn’t chuck it at us in one burst, but rather delivered it throughout the passages slowly and logically. I appreciate that. Even I have a habit of describing a location at the beginning of the chapter and then expect my readers to follow along as though they knew it intrinsically; you didn’t do that here and I’m taken by it. And one thing I LOVED was that York missed on his first shot. Normally with assassinations in fiction these things tend to go far too smoothly, especially if said assassin is depicted as emotionless. I can see that’s not the case. York in character and the story surrounding him (here at least) is truly pragmatic, there are practical issues in life and executions that you haven’t shied away from, willing to or not.
But, as you can imagine, I’m not here to kiss your arse so, I have a few problems. For one thing, this chapter revealed zero about York in life - merely personality. I identify that he’s cold, average (I’ll get to that in a tick), takes on jobs for higher-ups, maintains a will to remain unnoticed by mainstream life - if you can call it that - and has no problems killing people. That’s fine and dandy but beyond that I know nothing of him. For someone able to afford and acquire military guns he should have something of a back story, and it’s more of a hook to hint something at it. Looking at an overview of this chapter I can honestly say that it feels like a stand-alone. There’s no incentive to read onwards beyond wanting to know if York makes it to the airport without incurring suspicion, or hoping for more light to be shed on his past, his current aims in life, love interests, personal affairs, etc. This story has got quite a few chapters now so I doubt you’ll be amending that should you feel the need to - but I thought I’d bring it up. Second thing is; you go out of your way to draw attention to the fact that York is an average person. Fair enough - the guy’s not spectacular - but after a while hammering in the fact gets tiresome, especially when ‘average’ is used as an adjective in place of the name (i.e. an ‘average Gear’ as opposed to ‘Sol Badguy’). Also, I can’t be sure that York is the main character of this story, but for now I’ll assume that he is; characters who lack charisma are hard to use to advance the plot. You’ve obviously gone a fair distance with Arcadia already, so there’s probably no need for me to say it, but this makes me inclined to believe that secondary characters play a larger role in this than I would have originally expected. That’s no crime on your part, but I find that most novels tend to bomb if the main character isn’t assertive enough to make things happen for themselves (rather than receiving orders or reacting outside stimulation and phenomena ). Those are the major points of thought now, nothing much. Any small, niggling concerns? Nothing, other than ‘Raptor’ seems like a cheesy name for a company (sniggers).
All in all I liked this first chapter. I think we’re both aware that good originals are hard to come by, so I will be reading and reviewing this chapter by chapter. And if anything, this chapter has helped me to realize that there is a degree of realism absent in my own work - particularly in that which is influenced by games and anime, but, I’m working on it. And I can’t tell for sure if Arcadia is going to be a success or not by reading this one chapter; but knowing if it will be or not is my personal incentive for continuing to read it.
Whoo! Haven’t reviewed like that in a LONG time!
Thus Spoke Kaiser
| Thomas Paxton chapter 43 . 4/18/2006
Well this story is truly captivating.
I especially enjoyed the sharp change in writing style for Chapter 40 where all of the character's thoughts seem to whirl around until they arrived at thier conclusion, which of course was self-mutilation. Its like some twisted soliloquy, and very fitting.
They story seems to focus around realism, so I'll point out some things that are subtuly bugging me. The first one is the frequency and ease that people get knocked out. A friend of mine was shot 6 times and lost consciousness, and another was shot 4 and he too lost consciousness. So gunshot wounds, just about anywhere are enough to drive anyone into that state.
However another was very close to a 500 pound bomb, and was severely mutilated. He was conscious the entire time, screaming, cursing, trying to move broken bones and shredded muscle. Later on, even though he appeared to be conscious, he has no memory of the event.
I've seen scuffles, blows and kicks, and none of them have caused someone to lose consciousness. (more than those instant knockouts, where they bounce back up, I'm talking for an extended period of time.) It's not implausable, I'm just feeling that it's becoming rather cliche, especialy in this chapter where Nuftav mentions falling on a rock.
And York's recovery from a gunshot wound, and his own self mutilation, a few days prior to having to fight someone that outclassed him seemed to be fairly quick. Adrenaline does wonders for the muscles, but it doesn't heal wounds.
These are probably the only subtle realism issue and I mean it when I say it is very subtle. I guess what I'm saying is that it is the excellent writing and brilliant attention to detail which helps keep everything believable with a touch of the extraordinary, that leads me to such nitpicking.
And finally the depth of emotion and character that is conveyed through the dialouge in chapter 43 is what made me stop and want to write my review specifically on this one. It was truly appealing, captivating, and each and every word that the character's share is beleivable, and they paint a picture, and explore the depth of the characters you've created more than any basic description could do.
| Dachande663-ff chapter 47 . 4/8/2006
Good chapter, Kotzki's story seems to be a lot slower at the moment than York's. And I can't wait to find out what Endirgo's secret is.