|Reviews for The Night Shift|
| Eyetk chapter 1 . 6/28/2005
Hmm. S'okay start, but your dialogue needs a bit of work for the formatting. Each new piece of dialogue should have its own paragraph.
Also, some of your sentences are a bit overly long. While I know that I fall victim to doing this, too...you should go over it and try to edit this a bit.
Other then that, keep writing!
| Hamilcar chapter 1 . 6/28/2005
Well, not to bad. Sadly I'm on a laptop that has a pixel count large enough that the whole thing fit on screen - makes it feel shorter than it probably is. Solid writing, though I still don't like the paragraph thing. But you know that. Maybe Matt and I will over-achievingly ambush you and straighten you out someday. :)
But that aside.
Interesting premise - though I don't think I've seen any English major vampires in my classes - but the lack of background material works, in this case, to the story's detriment. Much like the movie "Blood: The Last Vampire" I found it to be too disconnected from any solid grounding to be very relavent. The characters are there and have potential but don't mean anything to me - there's no emotional investment in the story.
The theft of the book could be something lengthened to, perhaps to make it more interesting or tie it in with the ending, if only for the sake of increasing the stakes of the conflict.
Nicely descriptive and leaves lots of room open for expansion. Final consensus: It's a good start. Well written but still, ultimately, only a start if you wanted to work it into something more readable. As a writing excercise, it works, but as a short tale, it needs some editing.