|Reviews for Working Title|
| alineofprose chapter 5 . 11/21/2005
Wow. I must say that this is the most captivating piece of work hat I've read in a while. It's intelligence and witticisms and lovely - I quite adore your writing style. I envy you for that writing style, for your prose seems forever flowing and has an almost ethereal glaze sound to it
*just realises how late it is, and that she undoubtedly has no time to study now..*
Ah. I hope I see you again soon, love. This is inexplainably awe-inspiring.
| tjhawkins chapter 5 . 8/30/2005
Ah. Well. Sadly, as it's very late where I am, and I'm not very good with story criticism, I'm not going to say much.
The characters are very nicely developed, and the plot is interesting, but it seems to be lacking something. I was having a hard time getting into the story because I found it somewhat boring. I'm a huge fan of finding clever, metaphorical ways to say things, so it is probably just a personal style thing of mine.
And since I'm going to end this really quickly before I say something even more incoherent, I noticed a review, "Everything looks perfect from far away" mentioning that line. Let me tell you, I absolutely love 'Such Great Heights' by the Postal Service. That have great lyrics. And if you didn't get it from there, well, nevermind. :)
| AriadneEthereal chapter 1 . 7/21/2005
Today I'm going to be an evil critic:
-I know it's sort of your trademark, but I end up wondering what on earth draws these perfect men to these women. Is it intentional, a yin/yang thing?
-Emphasising points add strength, but sometimes it just labours them, like the repetition of 'whim'.
-You do have a gift of constructing spot-on phrases and slipping them in. I loved: "everything looks perfect from far away".
-Finally, trite but true, less telling and more showing. I felt as though I was being forced to accept things I couldn't actually see, such as Israel's usual composure and shrewd perceptiveness. A little evidence before the drama would probably remedy that.
-Some of your sentences were a little confusing, needed tightening up, such as: "She had no idea how to even begin telling him what she needed to, so she knew she wouldn’t really tell him at all. She demoted him in her mind to a need-to-know basis and ignored the fact that he needed to know by distracting herself." I know you're setting us up for the plot, but it seemed a rather verbose way of saying very little.
-Your work has got markedly more mature since I last checked it out, and that was a beautiful conclusion to the chapter.
Well, you said you wanted a serious critique. Bet you regret it now.
| mikeharm chapter 4 . 7/8/2005
so is it just me, or does anyone else notice how all the signs are pointing towards an abortion that Israel did not want? this chapter bothered me, and at first i thought it was because she slept w/ michael, but now i realize that it's because she could do something as cruel as invite israel to her party. i wish she was real so i could slap her for that. SIGH. but still, this story is absolutely marvelous. i'm having a great time reading it, and i hope that you update soon!Michael
| mandi michael chapter 2 . 7/1/2005
Beautifully written! You have a very nice style and your characters are very well developed, I'm looking very much forward to seeing where you go with this! It's nice to see a story that goes beyond "highschool girl changes schools and falls in love with her polar opposite."
| Desire in the Heart chapter 2 . 6/30/2005
This was another great chapter. Update ASAP!
| kitten chapter 2 . 6/30/2005
just like good old times, eh? :)
very good start. with which i am not really that entirely surprised. *grin*
(and maybe it's time i do, too)
| Desire in the Heart chapter 1 . 6/29/2005
Wow. This was great. Very mysterious and well written.
| Rose Jameson chapter 1 . 6/29/2005
wOw! i really enjoyed this first part! lol I do hope that you finish it!