|Reviews for Double Edged Swords
| clair-a-net chapter 32 . 4/2/2006
thats good at least every one wont think she is crazy. but you have to write more
| thunderbolt and lightning chapter 32 . 4/2/2006
right in time for a birthday present (today is my birthday) i love this story and i will wait for more thanx for writing
| TirzahRuth chapter 32 . 4/2/2006
Nah nah nah nah! Alazne got caught!
Excuse my temporary moment of 2nd grade behaviour.
Well, you sure like to drive us mad...always leaving us at the edge. I can hardly wait to see how this plays out. Keep up the awesome writing.
| Arej chapter 32 . 4/2/2006
Al-right, I was really excited when I saw that you'd finally posted this...(I really wish we could use italics in these reviews, it would make conveying emotion so much easier). I didn't see anything off, though I'll admit I was too happy to see it here to be looking, but if it didn't explode at me then I doubt it's there. I'll come back, reread and give you a better, more focused review, but for now I just want to point out what felt completely right/what I really enjoyed.
Although it's kinda sad that the bird was crushed. I know, I know, it served it's purpose, but it's just so sad that that small piece died. Well, shattered. Inanimate objects can't really die.
The fact that those guards were female...I laughed so hard, just imagining the surprise and fear on Alazne's face, that I cried. I loved it that that happened.
The gardener - I liked his accent and how he seemed kinda nonplussed over Liss falling out a window (though admittedly he didn't see it) and screaming for help and looking like a mess. Almost like he found it amusing...and maybe he did. Maybe it's not all that uncommon there (though that'd be odd) or maybe he was entertaining himself with thoughts of what might've happened. I dunno. I like his character, even if we'll only see him this once.
But...what was she poisoning? Or did she take some sort of antidote, pre-antidote, so that if she at the food she'd poisoned she'd be immune. Or...ugh, I've a thousand different possibilities whirling 'bout my head right now of what she could have done.
And, ugh, why is that little witch causing more trouble? What is her freaking problem? Can't she and her blessed country just accept the peace being laid out on the table? Why in blazes can't people seem to be kind to one another, even every so often?
Anyway...yeah, well. It wasn't my favorite part, but I definitely enjoyed it. Especially how Liss, though she had other things to worry about, was embarrassed by her state of dress. Nice touch.
| Aestas Memoriola chapter 32 . 4/2/2006
I love me. Or, rather, you. But this morning, I was watching something on TV, or I don't exactly know, but somehow I thought, "M, it would be nice if Double Edged Swords got updated. It hasn't in a while."
Voila, update. And a good one at that.
And pizza is very tasty. Yum.
| birleywhirligig chapter 31 . 3/30/2006
what's with the gigantic cliffie? I'm waiting for the next chapter here! You're killing me with suspense. I love your story!
| Silent Force chapter 31 . 3/23/2006
Nice job with this chapter; I really liked how you had Liss get herself out of trouble. I suppose a small part of me was hoping Flin would swoop in and rescue her, but now that I think about it, Liss saving herself is cooler. _ Anyhow, good job once again, and I'm looking forward to the next chapter!
| Salt and Vinegar Pringles chapter 31 . 3/22/2006
Wow, that was amazing. I love this story.. So much, that it pains me to have to stop here! I hope you update soon, ciao ciao!
| Alankria chapter 5 . 3/21/2006
Back again, hopefully for two chapters depending on how long it takes me to review.
The beginning bit of the chapter is funny *grins* It reminds me of being back at boarding school, where all sorts of rumours flew around.
"She was dying, and I had no money." - I read on, so I know she survives, but this makes it sound like his wife already died the first time I read it. Also, "she was dying" isn't something you'd normally say for someone who survived - perhaps: "She was almost dying" or something else like that.
I do like that Liss is caught eavesdropping. It just seems so surreal for a girl to be standing there, ear against the door, and *no one* spots her (except the woman who tutted). So that's a good thing *smiles*
"I might not have many talents, but I am a good judge of people and their characters." - Firstly, this is in the present tense which it shouldn't be. Secondly, it just seems, well, wrong. I just don't think a 16yr old girl would be able to judge anyone's character. However, she has presumably known Cadman for a while now, so you can get away with this if you say something like: "I'd known Cadman for long enough to judge his sincerity." Or something along those lines.
This is a nice chapter! I especially like the twisty-turning of events. And, I'm sorry, but this took longer to review than I thought so I have to go now to my classes - I'll try to read more tonight.
| Kaggr chapter 31 . 3/18/2006
Sounds like she was doing a suicide attempt. xD Which is kind of funny since she was saying she was rather attached to her body. The meaning of jumping out the window is unclear to me...somewhat. Did you mean to make it that way, or was there a clear point that I didn't get? Perhaps you could shape it up a bit...Make it more clear -if those were your intentions-to idiots like me. :-)
| Loriency chapter 31 . 3/17/2006
I understand that I missed the last chapter, but MUST you PUNISH me this way? *pulls hair* Why? WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY? Dear god woman, if you still want your life and a sane reader by the end of the month, you had BETTER update soon. Throw yourself out the window? Are you insane, child? I mean...honestly! It strikes me as funny, honestly, because I don't know anyone else that leaves reviews like mine...and that's not intentional...ooh, I smell popcorn. So, i'm going to go get some popcorn (which usually takes a week, hint hint wink wink), and by the time that I come back, I expect another chapter. Kapish? Good! Glad we have an understanding. I'm listening to Howie Day-She Says and it's making me happy. _ Bye!
| Plinky chapter 31 . 3/17/2006
"It took a good fifteen minutes for me to roll up the gag over my nose and eyes and eventually up to my hair." This seems impossible to me. Aren't gags tied right back in the mouth? If they are, she wouldn't be able to roll it off her face.
Sorry, I'm a little excited. Every crit I've written so far this chapter I've had to delete because you've justified it.
"“Stop crying, you idiot,” I added." The 'I added' felt a little unnecessary.
"Oh, goodness." I LOVE that. Made me laugh out loud. (I have a big grin on my face.)
Wow, great chapter. Very annoying though - I'm in a proper CC-y mood, and you've given me nothing to work with! Normally it's hard to find anything, but this chapter was just impossible! *Sulks*
Brilliant. Sorry it took me so long to get around to reviewing - I'm so behind on everything.
Anyway, awesome chapter. Update soon!
| rrmehta364 chapter 31 . 3/17/2006
Would children's books be that bloody. Well, I guess the Redwall books were a little bloody but still.
"The ropes, fibrous and heavy, sliced into my skin, itching at me." the word fibrous means having threads. Every rope would have thread so I feel that word is kind of superfluos. Also, would a rope itch someone or itch at someone. I don't think the at near the end of the sentence is necessary.
"I don’t believe it is possible to describe what real fear tastes like. It was blinding, debilitating – it left a nasty taste in my mouth, and it was close to complete chaotic panic." : In this sentence I think you ought to talk about the taste after you say you don't know what the taste of fear would be like. It would throw the reader off less.
I think the beginning of the fourth paragraph was a little too incoherent. I think you are going for the whole incoherent feel thing but I think it might be a little too much.
"again when I remembered Alazne’s words. “Poison.” " : you say Alazne's words but you're posion is only one word.
I think you use dashes a little too much in this chapter. I think the dash is appropriate for each and every individual situation, but used too often and they become simply distracting.
I really like the descriptions in the sixth paragraph, and really come to think of it the entire way through. The use of description so far has been extremely skillful because its tied so strongly to the characterization. Overall, very well done.
"it leeched all moisture from my mouth." : I think the it is a little vague. Its clear what you are refering to, but the first time I read it I got a little confused.
"One of my calves was slowly going numb after the initial pins and needles, and I was seriously worried about my circulation. " : the sentence isn't parralel.
I think she thinks of Flin a little too much at the end considering the seriousness of the situation. You really want to be careful about that scene because it brings back memmories of before (as in really early) when Liss was characterized in a vaguely Mary Suish way.
Wait, isn't the second floor a little too high to fall off of. Especially since she is already slightly injured. And wouldn't someone notice the noise of her screaming when she inevitably gets hurt.
Wow, I think I was really critical so far in this review, despite how short it was. Don't worry, I thought this chapter was definately up to your high standards and I really enjoyed reading it. The characterization and descriptions were superb for the most part.
Anyways, great job and am looking forward to reading more.
p.s- Happy sixteenth birthday. Hope the next year is amazing and I hope you get everything you want. Funny how old we all get.
| Neaera chapter 31 . 3/17/2006
Well happy 16th! Mine wasn't anything so exciting but I hope yours is fab-u-lous lol And... throwing herself out the window? No! Horrid cliffy lol they should make them illegal or Something! lol Wicked job huns! Keep it up!
| Alankria chapter 4 . 3/17/2006
'Actually, the word ‘dining’ implies that there is some fine food involved' - You use present tense here (is) which is technically wrong. Perhaps: 'Actually, the word ‘dining’ implies that there [was] some fine food involved'
'You are sarcastic, witty, resourceful, and exactly the person we need' - Hmm, this is just my anti-Aly alarm bells ringing here, but I'm not sure being sarcastic is something Nicar would be purposefully looking for. Same with witty. Though I don't know Liss' character well enough yet to say whether or not she's a Mary Sue - although so far I'm inclined to say she's not - this kind of thing starts making her a bit too clichéd. Something to watch out for, at any rate, especially as you're interested in getting published.
Hmm, she's quite bold isn't she? That's a good thing, so long as it gets her into trouble later in the story. That kind of thing needs to be a negative character trait at times, not just a positive one.
Why is the Queen tanned? In these cultures, the women, especially the noble women, remained indoors all the time? If it's different in this culture, then that's no problem, but you might want to mention it because it bugged me a bit.
Oh, I like how she can't speak Nar. She's not perfect! *smiles* And the two phrases she knows are quite funny, reminds me of one of the few German phrases I know - "Mein Hamster ist gestorben." (My hamster is dead...don't ask). However, why wouldn't they have been speaking Nar all along? Or is there a universal language?
I know I've spent most of this review talking about Mary Suism, but I think I'm particularly sensitive to it after reading a few essays about Mary Sues. It's very easy for this kind of character - teenaged girl - to become a Mary Sue and, though Liss doesn't feel like one to me at the moment, it's something to be very careful of. That said, I do like this story so far (otherwise I wouldn't be reading it), so please don't take this as a negative review. Just some constructive criticism. I've gotta go get ready for a class now; I'll try to get back to this soon.