Reviews for My First Love
Vickychan chapter 1 . 7/30/2007
aw...

actually, it's weird that I should read this poem because I've kind of been thinking like this lately _;

It's very well written! Especially the way the lines are cut off - it's good, it makes the words stand out more. Cool ~*~

thanks for writing this! Keep at it!
Leda Swan chapter 1 . 1/19/2006
I really like this poem. "Remnants of myself still lie/shredded like ribbons from my body" is a beautiful description. One thing you might want to think about is getting rid of the dashes that almost disjoint this work...they aren't especially necessary. Though, if you feel they are, you should keep them...it IS after all, an artistic decision! Anyhow, nice job!
Roth Jopalse Sammuels chapter 1 . 9/25/2005
Yes! I get to review YOU now. And be as harsh as I can...

FINE! I'll be fair... but why do I always have to be a nice guy?

I like the imagery, such as the winds of fallen time, flying time, human heart, all jazz. Really nice. Interesting.

But I have to be mean as well. You criticize my poems for having, what was it you wrote? CHOPPY RHYMES? Well where do you rhyme in this poem? Is lie supposed to rhyme with body? Huh? Huh? HUH?

Eh hem. Good work overall.
Mr. Singh is back chapter 1 . 9/24/2005
Amazing.

"Who you are...And where you want to be." Who are you, and where do you want to be? I seriously think that a person ceases to be a child when he/she answers this question.

Some spend their lifetime without ever falling in love, but many others spend their lifetime not knowing the answer to that question. That's the problem with young love. Everything is perfect until somebody grows up. I think you couldn't have more beautifully and simply made your point.

Who was this first love, I wonder? And what happened to you that could make you learn this truth the hard way?
atalantea chapter 1 . 8/11/2005
I like how you play the words, remnants of my life shredded like ribbons... the threads of my torn being. I love those lines, they struck me most. I don't get the rhythmm although it doesn't really affect the piece. I also think that there is still a better title than "my first love" it's too cliche for me... but anyway, it's your piece. :D
MaHaLLz chapter 1 . 7/11/2005
that was a good one! i learned from it... don't get too attached to someone without knowing what they can do to you. yah, i never learned that one for myself...
Gilee7 chapter 1 . 7/6/2005
First off, thanks for the review. And yeah, I know many of my stories have to do with sex or a relationship gone wrong. For awhile everything I was writing had something to do with my ex-girlfriend, and I know that got repetitive. My last several stories have involved sex in some way, and there will be more, because for some reason many of the ideas I've had lately have something to do with sex. Not sex in the typical getting off kinda way. Just using sex to get across an idea, as sex is a very everywhere kinda thing. Even people who may not have it, still think about it. It's human nature.

But yeah, anyways, to your poem. I enjoyed this. It's very true. I like how it's about love, yet the word love is never used in the entire poem. I didn't care for the Fallen Time and Flying Time parts, they seemed a little incongruous with the rest of the poem. Overall though, pretty good poem.
Pont chapter 1 . 7/2/2005
Oh, I like that. It makes sense, it teaches a lesson, and it sounds neat!G'job tk! :hug:

Sorry I've been absent so long. I have a link to Uoy on my desktop highlighted red and labeled 'READ!' but I've been busy. I promise I'll finish it though!

~Ponteh
fadedxmemories chapter 1 . 7/2/2005
Wow. I read through this one twice and I love every single line of it. I can agree with you 100% on the 'never let yourself fall completely without knowing who you are' bit. Because you could always just lose yourself among the way. But anyways, I'm just babbling lol, thanks for the read, it really made me feel, understood I guess is the word haha lol..great job