|Reviews for He Was in Love|
| gulistanlik chapter 6 . 7/17/2007
So Jeff hasn't got a thing for Dara? Yet, of course, eh? hehe.
| close enough to speak chapter 5 . 2/22/2007
I LOVE THIS STORY! and it lives up to its reputation... started slow, and then enter Jeff :) yum yum.
excellent paragraphing; somewhat sloppy on the tenses but i think it may work... maybe.
problem #1: you repeat a lot of things, i.e. So she would have to do it again…she had to do it again. ACK! there's a bunch of those that you want to look for.
note also: She remembered his eyes. In this dream, she saw his eyes. huh? a) choppy, b) random.
problem #2: SPELLING! of course. here are your typos -
"...Look, I’m sorry for bugging you but my friend over there,” he pointed to a table, “WHAT'S to know if you would like to join us?” (wants, not what's)
"SHE much too classy for this dump." (me tarzan, you jane, ooh ooh. SHE'S, not she)
Mike looked over THAT the brochure that Jeff was holding. (at, not that)
Mike was too preoccupied looking ON the dance floor (not exactly wrong, but i think you look AT a dance floor)
so all in all not too bad! one last thing - the end is kind of abrupt. not a bad thing if you post immediately (please do anyway) but it's a bit awkward.
and all of this means that i love it! MORE NOW... keep at 'er!
| gulistanlik chapter 4 . 2/26/2006
Luving it, luving it , luving it. I love this story and I'm serious. Please update. You're gonna update, right?
| close enough to speak chapter 4 . 11/28/2005
i sort of feel like i already reviewed this chapter... or is it sort of a twisted perspective ch.3? i don't bit confusing with your transitions, just because you didn't leave any space; don't know if you wanted that or not.i do like your french. it makes it sound like you actually speak it. which of course you do. (it's the english you need to work on :)i like jeff, he's v happy-go-lucky. mike's kind of stiff, lyn's kind of controling, if that's what you were trying for then bravo. it's not a bad idea, actually. siblings, , you're write about the typos but it's really not that bad - the one wrong tense, "she's in paris", which you could wing if you wanted to. the only intrusive typo is “You’re such as prat.” - obviously you're looking for A, not AS, prat. i know we all think that jeff's a verb but unfortunately he's as nounish as the rest of v frumpy, hey? . anyway. good chapter. get that next one up there, i want to see it!
| close enough to speak chapter 3 . 10/17/2005
let me point out a few things here.'she was half way around the world for the place that she knew all her life'? type like a normal person, will you?'he had very few members to speak of' -that sort of thing is just so v you-ish.'No where in Dara’s five year plan did Paris France ever made an appearance.'that really made me laugh but it's 'make', not 'made'.'A female person at his feet. If he had a nickel for every time that happened to him…'perfecto! he is, you are, the world has become muchos good-o!'I’m a doctor, Jeff said.'love the non-quotations! jeff v.g./sarcastic.'He smoothed her hair as is fell on his jeans.'argh, do you even reread before you post? do you even know how to spell EDIT, oh most NB of words? gaah!ha love jeff's sounds v british. intentional?i like that jeff wanted her number for mike. good start. also, i like the transition from mike to lyn (needs another n) to dara to jeff, it was smooth and it got a really good picture across of the backstory and the various characters in between. not too sure about the ending is all, it's a tad all excellent, bravo and congrats on the new chap!
| close enough to speak chapter 2 . 9/6/2005
THIS IS MY FAVOURITE STORY OF ALL TIME!you rock. double cool with knobs , nice tense at the beginning and i love the comma before "la ville de l'amour", it gives the whole thing a nice click with the rest of the story. (like something goes 'click', do you get me here?)i'm not too huge on the last half of the first paragraph but it leads nicely into the second paragraph, which is a decent summary of the situation at hand, good backstory without being a chapter long, and it cuts right back in nicely with hitting on her part is v funny. startling, as it might want a comma after he says sorry. although he does tend rush his words a bit, so maybe not."she looked at him. his cold brown eyes brimming with hope." is my favourite line of all time. closely followed by "and she faced forward as they began to land." mourn is spelt with a u, which you lauren. she lives up to him. but are you sure her fiance needs a name?cut the "she was unforgettable", you've got enough with "he would never forget a girl like that" and "he would (could would be better) pick her out in a crowd anywhere". and then again later, cut the unforgettable from where he's finding one girl in the is such a he speaks! i really, really love jeff. he is my second favourite fictional character of all time. the only flaw is that you have used "so" SO MANY TIMES ALREADY that it takes away the punch. jeff needs the punch, which means that at least one other "so" needs to 's good, i like it. i'll even give it a big checkmark. keep it up, etc etc.
| close enough to speak chapter 1 . 7/7/2005
My dear. This is of course most marv. Double brill with knobs. You have that flawless bit of something that will! of course, continue.(do not fail us.)
| redroplets chapter 1 . 7/6/2005
Well done, great way to end it to, 'So she left.' plain, straight to the point, goodredroplets