Now, I know I need to go back and re-read quite a bit because I forgot who Deidre is. You can't blame me, I mean, you have SO many characters. It is very hard to keep them straight. But I am in aggreement with Terrace about the key thing. Ouch. But it would be cool to watch!

Hello I really like your stories. You know I liked Terrance and Aaron. You need to add more like your coffee shop story. (and new Terrance chapters!) also I just read your Collection stories and I LOVE all the imagery and "sensory details" hehe YPA for english classes.

I liked it a lot! You'll have to add more! hurray for Aaron and Terry plus Conway is awesome and I'm not being perticularly articulate am I? sorry! Ok! it is very good but that last chapter was sad you have to tell us readers more about Aaron and his patient deliema he went from Very SAD to back to normal very quickly. or so it seems. Need sleep bye!

Wow. Talk about advancement of exposition! I was not expecting that at all! It was quite amazing. And Aaron loves Terry enough to stay with him despite what happened. ...le sigh...

Very interesting premise. I can't find any holes at all in the plot-structure-not for something novel-length anyway. Some descriptions, the one of the sake-lady for example, are sorta clumsy in wording, still, lengthy. The characterization of the first-person narrator is distinct so far. Good descriptions of such small things as security and the runes on the glasses.

I am reviewing your stuff, jeez, now return the favor, older and shorter one. THERE GAY? who would have thought? Very nice story telling, makes the reader feel a part of the story... very nice, but do I have to read ALL the chapters?

And thus the long-awaited marriage is concluded. You did a very good job of creating imagery. Yes, imagery. Do I sound like a Language Arts teacher yet?

So I've finally caught up to chapter nine and am awaiting chapter ten and Isaura's baby, of course (but not for another few chapters. We don't want to rush into things, now do we?)

I submit to thee, O Falconer Aysel, congratulations of a story well written.

Moving trees? Amazing.

I enjoy reading about weddings. And the Centaurs are cool. But why are the trees moving...?

I'm glad that Terrance and Aaron are coming to grips with their feelings a bit more. They're dealing with it a lot better than two other people I could mention...

...but that's beside the point. And you are still keeping me hanging about Terrance's supposedly dark-ish past.

Somehow, I can't imagine a vampire gardening...

Must continue reading...

What is this unspoken memory of which Terrance and Conway speak? It looks like the doctor will be out for a while...in Terrance's bed...

For reasons unknown, Sauda seems very suspicious. That, and Terrance is experiencing confusion. He and Aaron should just get married and adopt Kaethe and Tabitha.I'm interested to see Terrance teach also. The whole scene with the trip to the mall was quite humorous.

And Isaura is the one who needs to go to Driver's Ed, not Ignatius!

fav. quote: “You know how well I straddle people – the fact that I’m a doctor just makes it better.”

Well, it's been too long since I last reviewed. I'm actually in US hist right now, and had some extra time. Poor Conway. Nice action between Terrance and Aaron. You never realy state outright that they are lovers, but you get a very clear picture through their dialogue. I love your usage of dialogue.

All I can mention is that there were a few minor spelling mistakes - but that's really alright. Well, I needs must away.

LOL! I -did- read your profile, I always like to read it every once and a while, just to see if there’s new quaint things. The name thing can’t be beat, I guess. But I did read it, and you’re most awesomely welcome, that’s what I’m here for! I’m grateful that you’re grateful, though. I always thought Russian would be a scary language to learn- are there a lot of cognitive words or is it really terrible in the way you’re learning like a whole new alien language with no ties to like, English or Spanish or French?

I took three years of Spanish and have only been able to retain the sentence: “Me duele el stomago.” My teacher corrected me in like, Sophomore year when I said, “Me duele en mi stomago.” She was like, NO NO NO. No “mi”, no “en”. No no no. … And that’s about it. Oh, and, “Yo tengo”. Hahaha.

And YEAH. “Gank” really -does- sound like a cuss word! Haha!

Anyway. On to your review. _;;

Oh, my! The Wedding! I’m glad that you started off with Terry talking about his University- it’s tempting to forget continuity and realism and to jump right into the more important scene- ie: the actual wedding (which is why I think I would be terrible at writing long-term stories, because I can’t think in terms of realism, because there’s ALWAYS realism, even in a Fictional World)- but you do a great job with it. It’s -natural- that he would start off with talk of his University, since he just came back to it and all. And I’m glad you found a way to mesh Aaron soundlessly and seamlessly into his University schedule talk. And I like the transition into the wedding- it has that “weave-weave-weave-SMACK!” feel, which works well with its steady progression. Very good job with that.

I have to admit, I read the title, and I was excited, so I’m gonna just, PLOW RIGHT THROUGH so I could get to the part the title is talking about. OMG I AM SO EXCITED!

Your second paragraph about the hustle and bustle for preparation- especially Coriander and Charmaine was nice. I’m really enjoying the concise realism you’ve set up. And thanks for reminding me of the twins, I almost forgot about them! Though, I fail to remember what personality to assign to which, but I remember one was really sparkly and friendly and homemaker perfect, and the other was sparkly, but friendly (and even with a deeper voice, right) in a different way, and she had more of a I-wear-fishnets personality with like, that spiky hair and multiple ear piercings feel, right? Oy.. Thanks for refreshing memory… I’m pretty sure that’s how it went.

Aha and the screen room. Is that where he was talking about (Flynn’s) special glasses with Aaron? You know what I seem to remember? That awesome description of the glasses themselves and that one flower nodding- or something to that effect.

Ahh- and these lovely physical descriptions I adore so much. People in black at a wedding is really provocative, a real switch from how it’s really like. Like white at a funeral. And do I love it! Very nice, so that way the bride stands out! That’s very, very good. … But I still can’t seem to remember which one Frayne is. I might need a physical description tossed in there somewhere about her if she pops up.

[His deep bronze hair was going in every direction possible, probably from running his fingers through it constantly.] Aww~ Poor baby! [“Not for that! I want you to be the godfather to our child.” His red hazed eyes burned with determination, giving me little choice then to accept the offer.] This part is wonderful! It made me feel so warm and happy inside! Way to go Ignatius! [“I would be honored,” I said gravely, giving him a reassuring smile,] Even though the word “gravely” is unusual in this situation, the actual -vocal- tone seems to fit what he’s saying and who he’s saying it to. How do you know how to use such words in unconventional manners like that? That’s really amazing.

[“The expression on your face and emphasis in your voices. It was the same.” ] This is a real great insight. And they also have that saying that once you spend more than a little too much time with the person you love, you start to kind of look like them. It’s applicable here, if for the vocal expressions, same phrases and such. I think I’m starting to remember Frayne. God, I feel horrid for not remembering, sorry about that.

[Ignatius shoved open the door, fighting off Frayne’s hand. “Stop! It’s fine! TERRANCE! Isn’t it all right?”] LOL! “TERRANCE!” Ahaha! That’s hilarious

[It was pulled back and framed his face quite nicely, and flipped up a little at the ends.] I could so see this, like, exactly- because my hair kind of looks like it, though I’m sure my hair’s a little longer than Ignatius’.

[Pyralis practically leapt up, clinging to Ignatius’ heals.] *heels.

[“So you know?” She whispered./ “Yes,” I murmured back./ “He’s a good boy.”/ “I never said otherwise.”/ “I meant in bed.”] Ahaha. -Great- exchange. That was awesome! And Pyralis is hot. Sorry, just had to say that. LOL!

[Outside, Conway and Ranae had set and started the bonfire, which was burning in a contained circle at the end of a makeshift walkway and alter.] *altar, “alter” to change; “altar” a tabletop for sacred ceremonies.

[The wood they had burning were easily twice their body mass, and although vampires were strong, there was no possible way to move so many in so little time.] It’s slightly awkward, I think it would be better re-worked as: “The wood they had burning WAS easily twice their body mass, and although vampires were strong, there was no possible way to move so MUCH in so little time.”

[Dark shapes stirred in the background and soft noises of hissing and hooves brought a surprised grin to my face… bare feet splattered with mud up to her knees and wild, sea green hair in a tangle mess.] I love this section- I was waiting for its arrival, and I was -thrilled- at how subtle and quiet it was! Very fitting for those that don’t live in the house, per se. Great descriptions, too!

[The mermaid barred her sharp teeth in half a vulpine grin, eyes glimmering violently. “Terrance, I told them the news,” her voice grated against my ears and I held back a shudder.] I positively LOVE Muireann, I was wondering when she was going to come back! EE! And she is just the way I remember her! “Vulpine”, what a word! I’m going to have to look up what it really means. Aha! Like a fox! Cunning, bordering malicious. I love it, delicious word. Can I use it, too? “eyes glimmering violently” hot mermaid. You and the people who did that one version of Peter Pan were the first ones for me to see render the mermaid stereotype in such a manner, and I love it with a passion!

Ahh! The centaurs to the rescue! Big, burly centaurs can bench press a ton and friggin’ throw big blocks of fire in neat piles like toothpicks! [The two male centaurs turned towards me, fierce, sharp faces painted in tribal red paint so it outlined their high cheekbones and wide, staring eyes. I recognized the tribe’s leader, Rowan, by his sorrel hair and flanks.] Oh, my God so sexy! I love the creatures that live beyond the woods! Rowan is such a hot name, why didn’t -I- think of that name? I’ll always be in love with these simple, but vivid descriptions- you could kick J.K. Rowling’s ass with this just by publishing it- it’s so interesting, but warm and light-hearted. It doesn’t try to confuse readers, but it actively engages them and makes them feel like they should know this family, too! How exciting [“Rowan,” I greeted, looking at his neck strung with heavy bone beads and pounded silver, marking his rank in his tribe. He twitched his tail slightly and trotted over to me, sweat glimmering on his muscled torso.] sdkfjhk omg so. hot.

[We brought gifts from the mare-folk and little ones.”] *mer-folk? merfolk, even. Isn’t a “mare” like, a female horse? The new, primary definition of a mare, though technically secondary, is any of the large dark areas of the moon or on Mars.

[I glanced past him to see ten male centaurs holding bundles of gossamer spider silk.] What a beautiful wedding gift! Is a dress going to made out of it… for the wedding night -after- the child is born? -wiggles eyebrows.-

[Anstice, Conway’s former lover and long time friend, was bending over a platter of strawberries coated in chocolate, curtain of black hair held back from her face.] FORMER LOVER? : O? That sexy Conway is a hustler, yo! LOL! Anstice is beautiful! [Hair restrained, Anstice blew softly on the strawberries, frosting them in ice … She moved on to the next cold dish, grey dress soothing her sharp body as she bent to coat the dish in frost.] And I love this image, I could see her with her eye lashes pointed downward with sparkly fog coming from small rosebud lips. All these characters are so sexy, but so wholesome.

[“She dame by herself,” Conway said simply.] *came. Haha.

[Her red/blonde hair was thrown into a bun held by red Chinese chop sticks,] *red-blonde (maybe?) [her black dress was low on her back and went to her knees, ending with raged red lace to her ankles.] Wonderful costume design- do you think up all of these yourself? This is amazing!

[Where had Jocelyn gotten all these dresses? And suits, for that matter.] I screwed up with my story Francine and Beaulice, which was a mess of italics- the second sentence with italics isn’t needed, the words could still be read straight and the intonation is implied, all you need is the first italics.

[“I – you look great,” I said dumbly.] LOL! I would, too, Terry. I would, too.

[“Sauda said so too,” I touched the frames absently. “I like them too.”] I know colloquial speech allows the repetition of the word, “too”. But how about, “That’s what Sauda said,” … “I like them, too.” or even, “Sauda likes them. I think I do, too.” Blah. That’s hard. I can’t think of any other ways to say it. Sorry about that.

[They were both dressed in white dresses with white lace straps and layers dripping out from under the white silk skirts. Kaethe’s hair had been worked into tight ringlets pinned atop her head, and Tabby’s had been combed to a shine and left down with a few silver bobby pins to keep her bangs out of her fur.] Aww! GOD THEY ARE SO CUTE!

[Tabby went silent, staring with round, brown eyes at Rowan over my shoulder. “He’s a horsie.”] I like the spelling of “horsie”, but just in case you want an alternate: “horsy”. LMFAO! That was so cute. God, these characters are killer! [Rowan, to my shock, let out a booming laugh and grabbed under her arms, lifting her off the ground, little feet dangling.] GOD! I’D TAKE THIS OVER HARRY POTTER ANY DAY! WHY AM I YELLING?

I am so excited- but wait, the Trees are moving? What’s that? Did you already write it? God, that was amazing, what a wonderfully rendered chapter! Enough happens so that it’s constantly in motion, it’s wholesome, the descriptions are true to the characters, the insights are wonderful- people are used to conventional twist plots in the story, but you have something unique- every time you give us a glimpse of more insight into any single one of these characters, it’s like a plot twist in itself, mainly because the story’s dynamics rely on the characters, but also because you make them loveable, interesting, engaging- the storylines of these people are quiet and unpronounced, unbludgeoned by all the dramatist ego that normal stories (including my own) have, but can still manage to leave questions, intrigue.

You have a great talent for conversation and description, keep it up!

And correct those spelling errors, Missy! I am excited to see what happens next!

Rock on, Aysel.

I’ve been slacking off, and now I’m way behind on my reviews! There was a posting surge and so many good pieces are out! I really have to get on the ball with these! But I’m glad to see a new chapter so soon, I was curious about what was going to happen, anyway.

[The last student filled into the room as I checked my watch, and glanced at the clock.] *filed.

[Class started in two minuets.] *minutes.

Lolol.

[Professor Terry has a website called where he posts all his assignments, so if you are absent, please refer to the site.] Called…?

[A few students glanced at her curiously, but then returned anxious gazes to the sheet. They looked apprehensive. No – they looked scared. I motioned Sauda over and whispered, “Why do they look like someone is shoving a decapitated head in their collective faces?”] Eek. A bit of an awkward paragraph, here. I know you know the difference between the synonyms, but they’re so close together, that it’s best to use one or the other. “Apprehensive” or “scared”, take your pick. The reason why I say this is because there’s a witty line that pops up, told by Terry, and we don’t want it to detract from what he’s about to say. And what he says in itself is a little awkward, too. “Why do they look like someone is shoving a decapitated head in their collective faces?” I know Terry is intelligent, and I definitely know he’s witty. But “collective”? I let “decapitated” go even though I preferred, “severed”. But I think “collective” should be omitted. It makes sense to the author, but the readers are in the mindset of what someone would say -in the moment-, and I don’t think it’s inclusive of special words like that. Unless Terrance was directly narrating that line, “collective” should be omitted from the said portion.

[“Good morning, class. This is Introduction to Abstract Identification – a prerequisite for almost anything, I gather,] Lolol. There’s that wit shining through! Go, Terry!

[I turned to the chalk board and wrote: NUVIERA.] Ahh! That’s what he was typing about in the very beginning- right? I love it when authors revisit earlier chapters, it makes the reader feel smart and appreciated! And it really shows the author thinks in foresight, or is at least attentive to the details he or she writes throughout the piece. And it’s remarkable, seeing how the first chapter was a long time and many pages ago! -shakes Aysel’s hand for that one.-

[There was a rustling as everyone took out paper and pencils frantically.] That’s so realistic! So many people sit and look dumbly at the bored before they register stuff’s being scribbled on it and -then- they realize they have to jot it all down in their notebooks. Nice attention to detail.

[A student dropped their pencil – a skinny girl in the back row.] I realize the sense in the way this is written. Almost as if Terry heard a pencil dropped before he saw who dropped it, so “their” is later replaced by “her”. But, to avoid the awkward sound of that, why not just write: “Someone dropped their pencil”. Or even, “Someone dropped a pencil.” Though, I prefer the former. Usually, when the type of person gets specific, so do the supporting pronouns. To stay on the safe side, if the pronoun is general, then so should the person be, and vice versa.

[That is imperative!” Frantic scribbling. “Their defense mechanisms are most likely a birth defect.”] Lolol! I love that! I could see him writing, “IMPERATIVE” in sloppy, fast writing, or even underlining some facts a few times. And that whole section about the Nuviera, of the spine and of dying of hemorrhaging at birth, that’s really interesting stuff! I love it, and I’ve been missing those awesome descriptions. The way you describe abstracts is really engaging and totally realistic. It’s awesome!

Wow, and that’s really interesting that they have no excretory system, so they become sterile, like mules. I have a couple of corrections, though: [I held out my hands, “when a vampire’s genetics and a naga’s genetics meld,” I linked my hands together, “they created a creature without the ability to reproduce, since they do not have any real excretory system, which coincides with the reproduction system. Remember that.”] *they create Oh, and also, since he’s still talking, but it’s only a new paragraph, the quotation after “that” should be omitted. It’s a grammar rule I simply loathe because it looks awkward, but it’s grammatically sound, so what can we do? But, God, the Abstract talk is really engaging!

[A smile crossed my face as I heard paper flip over and the scribbling of pens.] Dude. I’d smile, too. The POWER! THE POWER!

[I continued until the last minuet dropped away from the clock.] What’s with these minuets everywhere? Lol! *minute.

You ended the abstract talk right at the perfect moment, might I add. Usually writers with too much ego and too little deliberation and consideration for the readers will go on an on about what they know and write pretty things- I have trouble with it, myself. And I found myself frowning and frustrated when I had to cut out a lot of my “a-list” descriptions. But I’m glad you could spare the reader anymore and leave them wanting more! And what a talent you have for that, ending the scene at the most possibly perfect time!

[“No, Aaron’s asleep, so we don’t want to disturbed him,”] *disturb. Geez, Aysel! You rarely make mistakes- though I think you were just really excited about releasing the chapter. It’s darn interesting, and -I- even want to know what they’re doing!

Omg I missed Tabby. She. Is SO. CUTE!

[“of course, Papa. Kaethe is teaching me how to plant flowers.” Beaming, she flounced back to Kaethe, sitting in the flower bed and giving me a worried look.] Why would Tabby give Terry a worried look…?

[After seeing Jocelyn in defensive mode, I supposed that her daughter was just as scary – or maybe worse.] Lolol. Defensive mode? [dark brows pulled down into a v.] Quotations around that “v”, woman!

[“You didn’t mean it?” I suggested, chest aching.] That was a great way of interpretation. I’m glad Aaron said, “I didn’t mean…” instead of “I didn’t mean it…” A lot of writers fumble when writing clever dialogue. But you do very well! It’s something that’s been very consistent in your writing.

[“No, you ass, I meant what I said. I do…love you…I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.”] Lmfao.

[“Than stop calling me beautiful.] *then.

Lol! Great place to end, thank God it didn’t go any further. You’re impeccable with scene beginnings and ends, I’m so happy to see how consistent this story has been even written at intervals. When this story ends, I -still- want to read The Safe House! Though, I could see this story running in a Harry Potter monolith franchise, seeing how it’s so engaging and impeccably written. And, if so, I’ll be a patron of it until the end!

You’ve done many magical things with this story, and I’m happy to have been reading it this whole way. And don’t worry about being excited and missing a few things- that’s what an editor is for! It makes me smile, actually. And it gives me something to do.

Otherwise, rock on, Aysel!

It feels weird, because it’s been such a long time. I’m glad to see you back in the writing groove, Miss Aysel! I’m happy to be here (admittedly, I’m rushing to review everyone’s work and not leave them hanging- it’s weird, but a burst of writing from this little community of writers came in the past two weeks), and I’m GLAD GLAD GLAD you came to my site to read my story. I have to refresh my memory on this story, but just from reading the first lines of this, I’m thinking that maybe you’ve had to do a little refreshment, too. So maybe it won’t be so bad. Forgive me if I don’t remember. I hope with the next few chapters of this that I’ll be back in the groove. College and lethargy’s put a major dent in my memory and reviewing prowess. I’m excited about the progress of this story, the development of the plot, and the further coloring of these characters you’ve developed. Out of all the people I could remember, Tabby is still near the top of that list. And Connor (Connor, right?). And Terrance’s lover (I remember his description, but I don’t remember his name). I’ll take my time with this chapter and indulge in it. It’s a toast, I guess: I’d like to say, Welcome back, Aysel.

Now, this chapter.

I was surprised that this chapter started with Terry’s class! I was like, : O dude? Class? Sauda… Was that the intelligent girl he met at the mall when he was taking the family shopping? And omg. Flynn’s glasses. Were those the same glasses that he got like, in the first chapter? I remember the plant for some reason. The plant in the room when he was talking to- er, what’s his face- about those very same glasses. And I even remember complimenting the details about the glasses, the way you talked about them. Yeah, I’m pretty sure they’re the same glasses. I never realized that Terry had black hair. That’s sexy. His lover’s hair was… blonde, right?

[“Are you bringing in your entire household like you did last year? I hear that was quite the event.” Sauda asked absently, straightening the papers and moving towards the door.] I can imagine that. I’ve done this myself, like, asked a really engaging question while looking… not engaged in what I was asking. Lol!

Oh, CONWAY. Okay. Sorry… Why did I think “Conner”? Omg, I’m so sorry, Aysel. LOL! And -Aaron-, that was his name. Omg, it’s all rushing back at me, now. Was like, the whole purpose of this chapter to help me remember, or something? Because, that’s exactly what it’s doing. Ignatius, he was that fire abstract in the very beginning that made me think Terry was a girl by his interaction with him. I was like, Oh, romance prompt…? LOLOL! And then you let me know Terry’s a dude. And I’m like: