|Reviews for There's a Place For Us|
| temblance chapter 3 . 8/12/2005
hey again. I just realized I wrote update soon in the last review, but was that the ending? I really liked the story if it was, and I just totally realized that it might be over...Oh well, good job anyway.
| temblance chapter 3 . 8/6/2005
Ooh, I can't wait to see how she's changed! Update soon!
| temblance chapter 2 . 8/6/2005
Sorry it took so long to get back to the story! I've been really busy.
Well, this chapter was really good. I liked how you worked the quote at the beginning in.
I don't know, but this Utopia place really scares me. Everything's so perfect...wouldn't want to go there, myself.
| ice flyer chapter 1 . 7/30/2005
creative plot..i like the idea and the metaphor. i had a suggestion to improve your writing: you have a LOT of telling, not showing. you just state things - for example, "After play practice, Kassie always came home in a bitter mood." then you just..don't say anything else. maybe instead of just telling about kassie, you could have kassie telling us. it's just hard to find her voice. anyway, interesting..good job :)
| temblance chapter 1 . 7/19/2005
wow. I loved the beginning, how you describe Kassie's personality, and her bitterness at the real world. it really characterized her, and left me feeling pity. And then she goes to te utopia place, and it seems almost too perfect, really eerie. You got those ideas down really well.
some of the sentences at the beginning are a bit repetitive, like repeating Kassie's name. It does add to the style to some extent, but you might want to try to vary the sentences. Otherwise, it's an amazing concept for the story.
| Clodhopper chapter 1 . 7/13/2005
Reviewing as i read
Kassie seems very real so far. the start of the chapter is very smooth - i picture her as an actual person instead of a made up character, which is good.
lol, my dad is always saying im having "female troubles" too. doesnt matter what im going thru, that phrase seems to sum it all up.
careful of putting in too many unimportant things. we get the idea after while, she has this fantasy world. be careful not to beat us with it.
there are a few places where you repeat the word "Kassie" over and over again in the same paragraph. be careful of that because sometimes in can make good writing feel choppy.
was was Orchid sharply saying that? was she angry? how did Kassie get to this place? did her imagination just create it? is she still in a dream? are u gonna explain that and i should keep reading? do you feel like you're taking a test with all of these questions?
it seems kind of harsh to have to forget their whole past lives...