Reviews for Abnegation
K.A. Douglass chapter 12 . 10/28/2005
"Egewe did not like admitting this to himself, but there was something kind of satisfying about harbouring such bitterness. It was addictive. It fed him, placing a salve upon the inner wounds that he had suffered. For a fleeting instant, it truly seemed as though all would be right if Zlatthanalian were gone. In that instant, everything was the High Priest's fault."

Wow... that, and the following part, aptly sum up my previous feelings about something we talked about earlier. xX;

...It is bad that the first thing that popped into my mind at Areladalie's first words was, "Oh God, she's a democrat"? xD;;

I like the imagery of the setting sun causing Zlatthanalian to become like a shadow. It makes him as an antagonist seem even more ominous.

"Although she flaunted her skin readily enough, Egewe felt that it may have been improper and discourteous to look at such exposed parts. He had never been altogether certain about what was and was not appropriate with regards to noticing the anatomy of females, but he preferred to be cautious and as polite as possible."

Aww, Egewe's so cute. Most guys probably wouldn't bother to look away (despite the fact that Areladalie does do it for the attention), or want to look away. His concern with being polite in that respect makes me happy. :D

Heh, I like the quasi-debate between Zlatthanalian and Areladalie. I'm kind of surprised that Zlathanalian chose to defend Sindriaxaria... but then again, they are both people in positions of power, and things are not always what they seem from the outside.

The comparison between the silence of the village and that of the god is kinda creepy, and the acknowledgement that this showed that Illi-Tay-Ynnaudraurios has such a strong hold on the people. x_x;;

Woah, I never really thought of that before, about Zlatthanalian being the only real threat to the god and that being the most likely reason for having Ayshashalania's sacrifice. Illi-Tay-Ynnaudraurios is more of a tricky bastard than I'd thought...
MedievalRiot chapter 1 . 10/24/2005
Wow, I thought that was very good. The characters realistic as well as their reactions.. all good. I didn't quite follow on the reasons for some things but overall it all fit well. Its fun to imagine your story, and I'll probly read more of it when I get the chance.
K.A. Douglass chapter 11 . 10/21/2005
I agree with L'loro about the unfairness of the trade Zlatthanalian proposed. Sindriaxaria has already been put in an awkward enough position for the protection of her village on account of Zlatthanalian's demand for sacrifices. Zlatthanalian is sort of a bastard for asking even more of her after all that. /

"If anyone has audacity, then it is you, woman! You think that you have rights? Well, let me assure you that you have no right to talk to Lord Zlatthanalian in such a way, no more than I have the right to insult Lady Sindriaxaria in any similar fashion!"-Kjarian does have a point that L'loro should speak to Zlatthanalian with some degree of respect (no matter how false that act of respect would be) in Sindriaxaria's place, but Zlatthanalian really had been asking for it. x_X

I hadn't expected Zlatthanalian to raise his voice at Kjarian of all people. Oo; Though it is good to know that even the closest people to him are not beyond pissing him off to some extent. Also, Kjarian had been kind of hypocritical just then. He was yelling at L'loro for disrespecting Zlatthanalian, but he was disrespecting Sindriaxaria by yelling at her guard in her presence.

I was surprised yet glad that Zlatthanalian had some fleeting admiration for L'loro when she apologized for her phrasing but not her opinion. I like that he can respect someone for holding true to her opinion and not changing it simply on account of pressure from others. Though he doesn't exactly seem to carry this over when dealing with Egewe...

"You said that you would go through with this trade! What is going on? Why are you looking at me that way? What is this that I sense from you?"-Okay, that's just not cool. : Even though Egewe's an empath, that doesn't give him free range to share Zlatthanalian's emotions with others. Even though it DOES seem like Zlatthanalian's scheming something, that doesn't mean Egewe ought to be all 'my spidey senses are tingling!' an making it everyone's business when he doesn't even know what it is he's feelin from Zlatthanalian.

"I mean that I shall leave Kjarian here because Kjarian is my strong right arm, and without him, I have no defenses. Therefore, I am making myself vulnerable, and open."-I don't think Zlatthanalian is as defenseless as he claims he would be without Kjarian, but that could just be paranoia talking...

"I express my feelings in no uncertain terms and everyone keeps accusing me of losing my temper or having outbursts or something along those lines."-Though she thinks that others overreact to the expression of her feelings, she does come across rather strongly. / It's hard to find a middleground when speaking of a personal viewpoint versus that of others.

I don't think Egewe's being irrational for not wanting to mention the plan aloud. That would be extremely dangerous with Zlatthanalian so close by, after all... xX;;

Heh, I kinda wish L'loro had said that line about Zlatthanalian's tastes being more inclined towards blood than sugar. XD;

"Friend? Is that all?""For now, yes. I truly am going, now."


I like how L'loro is so certain that they shall see one another again. _
miss whoever chapter 17 . 10/18/2005
The story is wonderful, and overall, you are a great writer. Abnegation is well told, and I look forward to more chapters!
K.A. Douglass chapter 10 . 10/14/2005
Hmm...the thought of Kjarian and L'loro being siblings is somewhat disturbing, but does seem like it could make sense. XD;

Egewe's anxiety over waiting before the war to come comes across very strongly. When I read the part about him feeling like his muscles turned to rope, I must've strained the muscles at the back of my neck, 'cause now I've got a headache. Xx;

Hmm... I wonder what that flash of emotion in Zlatthanalian was. :O

Sindriaxaria's observation about Illi-Tay-Ynnaudraurios not striking her down for her disbelief is a good point. Makes ya wonder exactly how powerful this god is after all...

Zlatthanalian saying "we cannot judge the deity" is exactly what's wrong with religion. It puts a being beyond the reach of criticism, and encourages people to follow said being without question.

Egewe's ears twitching makes me think of a bunny. 8D He.

As soon as Egewe said he knew what was coming, it was simple enough to guess what the tradeoff would be. X_x Poor guy.
Todd chapter 15 . 10/9/2005
So at the end, we are reminded that the protagonist's (Egewe's) path is not as clearly lit as you'd see in some other novels. The kind with more cliches, where it's nearly all black and white. Egewe doesn't have an easy time keeping his way, and I as a reader don't have an easy time going against the 'antagonists' of the story. But if Egewe overcomes this blurring and succeeds, I would be prouder of him for that, than any hero character who stops teh bad guys.

I wonder if it hurts Egewe, to have lost Ynnsandrailia's friendship...
K.A. Douglass chapter 9 . 10/7/2005
"L'loro was a sweet girl, but she had a way of hovering in such an incessant manner that Egewe often wondered if she wanted something from him." - Part of me wants to think of this as the mother hen syndrome, but I'm not that naive. :P

L'loro's comment about meat confuses me. At first I thought she was making a sexual reference, but afterwards I thought it was a cannibalistic reference. O_o;; Erk.

"Abandon those fanatics and come live with us, Egewe. I'll be your wife, and we'll have colourful little babies with pointed ears." - Persistent girl! *dies laughing* I just love that quote. It's awesome. XD

Dun dun dun! ...methinks this can only end in tears.
K.A. Douglass chapter 8 . 10/7/2005
I can just imagine future Alchotharoio/Egewe fans spawning oodles of fanfic from this chapter. This both worries me and makes me giggle.

"Right. Morality 'n all. You done?" - *snck* I half expected him to add on something about Egewe stepping off his soapbox. :P

I liked the description of how Egewe sensed Alchotharoio and Ertried's small emotions, especially: "The emotions were elusive butterflies, becoming maddening as they led Egewe through complex mazes." Also, I'm curious about Egewe's awareness that there's something different about Ertried as compared to the other mercenaries. Foreshadowing something there?

"You're Egewe. You never do anything without good reasons-Except for me, that is." - Is she always that forward? XD;

I like L'loro and Sindriaxaria, both individually and in one another's presence. Don't know exactly how to explain it, but they seem to complement each other really well. L'loro seems to bubble with emotion, while Sindriaxaria's emotions flow smoothly.
Todd chapter 14 . 10/6/2005
Egewe has a bad emotional outburst, but I don't entirely blame him. I think the clawing was too far, but his overall hysteria was understandable, in my opinion. For days,weeks now, he's gone through HUGE, ENCOMPASSING sress over things involving the entire village, and affecting he and his isster strongly. But he did not lose so much control until now, and who can begrudge him how this has built up inside him? Sure, it isn't good to bottle up, and maybe Egewe does thi normally, but he *had* to keep mostly to himself with this stuff, considering his need for secrecy.

I'm very glad Efia is understanding, for Egewe's sake. He may think he doesn't want that, but when she became cross with him, he balked and tried to stop it. She mostly gets mad out of concern for him...a sibling like that would be nice
Todd chapter 13 . 10/6/2005
Zlatthanalian's emotions are overwhelming...yet I also see it as a testament to something commendable, in a way. He has built up such a well to control, and it must be so difficult for him to control it. And he does, in order to see his wife and son again, someday. I really do feel for him. Most people suffer when they lose their love in death, but those with some sort of faith, or 'know' of an afterlife, can at least rest easy with the knowledge that they'll see them again when they die, even if it takes years. But Ili-Tay has stripped Zlatthanalian's love of her memories, of herself.

She is unreachable to him, even in death, unless he does his deity's bidding. It's a horrible gauntlet he must face, horrible in challenge and in morality. But how many of us wouldn't be tempted, if we knew our love would be lost to us forever more, any other way?

Areladalie is quit peppy, isn't she? Striking features, striking movements, and a striking tongue. I theorize she is spoiled by the power of her side and position, hence why she feels so free in pursuing controversy for the sake of her own amusement. As if the village was her oyster, when really, it is Ili-tay Ynnadraurios' oyster
Todd chapter 12 . 10/6/2005
Could what Egewe thinks drove Zlatthanalian's wife, really be the sole device? Ili-tay sounds like a clever, scheming deity, so I have a feeling he strongly manipulated her mind himself. Perhaps the other thing might have drawn her in initially, but I do not think that itself would be enough to keep her loyalty as it was.

Wow, Egewe can be so unruly! Wanting to HIT Zlatthanalian for his plans to burn half the villagers...crazy bastard!
Todd chapter 11 . 10/6/2005
I guess I can see how one might think this chapter dragged a little slowly, but I believe it did serve a purpose. The entire fucking town's fate is resting upon this meeting, all eyes and ears on them, and every action and decision will have a ripple effect throughout the land. So, to have Zlatthanalian say "I want Egewe in exchange", and to have him simply say 'Ok', and then go without much commotion, would be unrealistic, in my opinion. Do senate meetings in D.C. or presidential discussions with foreign representatives ever go so quickly? No, they take a good while.

It was so sweet that Egewe hugged L'loro, though! I was hoping for a kiss, but I know you don't do that.

I do think this has been personally beneficial to Kjarian, however. And I think the entire conflict has been good for Zlatthanalian, too. They both repress themselves so much, that I think a little emotional flaring was in order. Living beings all have need of various forms of release, and being repressed long enough is unhealthy
Todd chapter 10 . 10/5/2005
I really expected Zlatthanalian to be 'invincible' in this chapter, because he seems to me like nothing dissuades him when he sets his mind to it. Even if things make him uncomfortable, I don't think I've ever seen indication that he may not believe he is right. Yet the lady governess looked to have him reeling, even if for a moment or two.

Ye gods, what's going to happen to Egewe...
K.A. Douglass chapter 7 . 10/3/2005
Blood as an emotion? I can't really wrap my head around that too well, but it's both creepy as hell and cool.

Uh, Egewe was kinda stupid here. / Surely there was some better way of getting around the guards than slicing one of them up... Oh well. Can't really blame him though, what with it being in the heat of the moment and all.

He also still seems rather naive. The mercenaries have a point about the whole "kill or be killed" law of the Wilds. Egewe's going to have to learn to live with this fact and accept it, soon.
K.A. Douglass chapter 6 . 10/3/2005
I think I already told you most of what I thought of this exchange between Egewe and Zlathanalian... still, it's kinda weird that it was in this chapter that I started to really like Zlatthanalian. XD;

And I feel the need to reiterate that, holy fuck, if I were in Egewe's position regarding Illi-Tay-Ynnaudraurios, I'd probably have pissed my pants. : When a god hates you, that's some scary shit...

I'm glad that Egewe's not running away anymore. Yay! Though of course this won't stop him from emoing. Oh well.
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