Reviews for Be There When I Fall
Idiot Pilot chapter 5 . 8/15/2005
Yeah I'm back. So now we get some background info... too bad about her mom. :/
emilyISNT chapter 5 . 8/13/2005
I'm so happy you updated. I've been sick the last few days and this was a great pick-me-up. :-D great new chapter! Can't wait for more, loved how you got more in depth with Mara. Totally awesome.

You roxx0rs!
KateMeister chapter 5 . 8/11/2005
Wow, I really liked this chapter. It made the story much more real, because it shows Mara as more than you had before. Reading this made me wonder if you've ever lost someone very close to you, because the way you've described Mara's emotions, is amazing. It was almost hard to read, it seemed so real, and like it was happening to me. The title, "Be there when I fall" works really unbelievably well with her Mother dead. It's sort of an abstract idea that she wants someone to be there to pick her up when things go wrong, because that's what her Mother did, and now that she's gone, she needs someone else to do it. I love the title, and I love the ideas. Keep writing please, can't wait to read the next installment!
Sophie August chapter 4 . 7/28/2005
This story does seem to move slowly, as you mentioned in one of your author's notes. It also lacks in character development - specifically of the protagonist. Telling us about her history (in the first chapter) would be helpful in fleshing out her character.

However, it is a well-written piece, and the other characters are interesting and described well (not just their physical appearances, which are thankfully short). I think Brody is my favourite character - the handsome musician and love interest. I also like the name of the shop where she works (the Coffee Bean) and its atmosphere.

Wonderfully written, overall.
Idiot Pilot chapter 4 . 7/27/2005
:P Well of course... playing a guitar does make a guy... 12 times the man.

And if you get all my boys, then I get Brody. [steals]

I play the drums. Woo. Just thought I'd get that out there. Lol.

Anyways, can't wait for the next chapter.
emilyISNT chapter 4 . 7/27/2005
Thanks for your review! I appreciate it. The new chapter was great, I'm impressed.

I pray for an update soon _ *bows*
Zelrawr chapter 4 . 7/27/2005
Ooh, you changed his name, huh? Sorry, I didn't notice at first. :/ I'm so slow... Anyway, in my opinion, the change was a good idea. Brody sounds a lot better. When I hear Dexter, I think of that lil' short nerdy kid from Dexter's Lab from Cartoon Network. Err, yeah, I know, so childish. But really, it does. :/ And the new title is great, too. :) I really think your decision was the right thing to do. Anyway...

Aww, you're welcome. But hmm, you think my reviews are long? Really? I thought they seemed a bit short for me. :P Oh well, it's great to hear that I make you feel special. :D Ooh, it is? Dang, this was a really wonderfully-written first fiction piece compared to mine. But then again, I submitted my first one when I was only thirteen, and I wasn't really serious about it. It was just for fun... Hmm, yeah, I just told you what I think about the changes, so I guess don't have to tell you anymore. :P The pace is all right- nothing to complain about.

So yeah, once again, nice chapter. :) Hmm, she's already starting to have feelings for Brody. That's cool. :D Definitely shows that the story is certainly moving somewhere. But don't worry, the pace of this story is definitely NOT that slow. I mean, compared to my story "The Girl with No Hands", it's not... Ack, I should really end this reply before I start ranting again. Can't wait for the next update!
Zelrawr chapter 3 . 7/25/2005
Yep, you're welcome for reviewing! :) Ooh, jeeze, poor Mara. Must have been embarrassing for her to throw up all over someone she just met, haha... Hmm, I can't wait till this story starts to move faster. :) It's pretty good so far. Yeah, I kind of figured the little boxes were supposed to be hyphens. I wonder why it did that though. Oh well, at least it doesn't seem to be happening any more! :) I can't wait till the next update. Sorry for taking a while to review. I was away in another city for a funeral...
Idiot Pilot chapter 3 . 7/23/2005
Dexter is a sex bunny. Triple X for the Sex.

“Keep the change,” she added haughtily, as if I had contaminated the rest of the money. Too bad she didn't throw up on that lady.
emilyISNT chapter 3 . 7/21/2005
I'm enjoying this so far, I like the pace, it's not rushing or anything. Great job!
Idiot Pilot chapter 2 . 7/19/2005
Guess who.

Anyways you know what I think so far. Can't wait to see the love interest.

Daniel is stirring... perhaps he'll send a note later on today XD
Zelrawr chapter 2 . 7/19/2005
Oh wow... I knew he was up to something since he held the beer to her, but I guess you kinda expected that of your readers, huh? :P Well, no weird boxes in this chapter, and this story is truthfully going well so far. Oh, by the way, how old are Kiel and Mara? Sorry if you already mentioned it, though. I'm like, less observant this late at night... Yes, that was my sad excuse of an... excuse. Anyway, love the story so far. Can't wait till the next update! :)
Zelrawr chapter 1 . 7/19/2005
Hmm, I like the story so far. :) The only thing I can complain about right now is this.. Several times in the story, I keep seeing these boxes next to your text. Some examples are:

“Better hurry… You have” he glanced up at the clock, “ten minutes before your shift starts.”

“Well, there’s this party at this guy‘s house”

Or maybe it's just my computer... But I doubt it is since it's never happened before. But anyway, nice story so far. I guess I shall go on and read the next chapter. :)