Reviews for Of Life, Death, and Blood
Guitar Master chapter 14 . 3/14/2007
Update? Kay thanks
Lavender Knight chapter 14 . 12/7/2006
I know what you're thinking. For shame, Janell. I worked all my preternatural powers to get on the computer this morning and review. I read the chapter the same evening you updated, but I had to save it on MS Word and read it on my computer upstairs which doesnt have internet so naturally when I finished reading, I was experiencing mixed emotions. I was so sad and angry and horrified at the ending of the chapter, that I just sat there.

Gah, I guess Sarah never read her protagonists guide to keeping the team alive. You NEVER make deals with the bad guy! Never! He's the bad guy!

Ok, even though Im being all self-righteous about the concept, that didn't prevent me from burying my face in my hands when I read the last part.

I was all like, " way...he..*choke*" Believe, Cathy, this is beyond bitter tears.

I do believe this was your best chapter yet though because you really built up to the ending and didn't hint or anything. Usually cliche artists set it up so that the people that die's last words are fit into a very fulfilling conversation and then they're dead.

I dislike that and you did the opposite and pleased me.

Awesome job and once again let me tell you how incredibly ecstatic I am that you updated!

Update again soon! And by soon, I mean sooner than I do!

Lavender Knight chapter 14 . 12/5/2006
OMG! You updated! Yay! It is finally here but the thing is that it is early morning here and school calls. So I'm going to read and review in the evening.

Gah! Im so excited!


PS- Sorry I couldn't come on msn yesterday. I had an outline to do at school and my instructor was being nitpicky so I'll try get to you soon.

Til the evening, then!
Solemn Coyote chapter 1 . 11/28/2006
Okay. This is rather long. I won't make promises about any reviews in the future, but you did review me, so I'll give this a shot. Feel free to let me know if I get anything wrong. It is your story, after all, and I sometimes get preachy. Anyways, on with the review...

1)"The steel grey water crashed against the wall of rock, the sound it made seeming to compete with the clashing thunder up above. Rain poured from the heavens, blown off-course by harsh unforgiving winds. But even so, the scent of blood hovered thickly in the air." You've got some nice images, but they're kinda jumping in each other's way. Description is essential to writing, it tells the audience what's going on, but too much of it can choke a story. You might want to trim down the adjectives in a few places. "grey water" instead of "steel grey water". Sometimes, you don't even have to describe a scene completely. You just need to give the reader enough ideas to build the rest of it in her/his head.

2)"Up above, on the ground, the earth was stain with blood." I got the impression you were talking about a cliff here, but you might want to be specific. Also, it's kinda nitpicky, but you want 'stained' for 'stain with blood'.

3)"Even after the battle was over, dark, mutant creatures could be seen ripping apart the dead and feasting on the flesh." 'Mutant' is one of those words that's been used by so many different sources that a lot of the meaning has washed out of it. If you want it to mean 'genetically altered', or 'distorted from their original shape', you've got the right word. Pay me no mind. If not, you might want to try 'distorted creatures', or just describe how they were mutated. 'shrunken'? 'shriveled'? 'bulging'?

4)"The knight stopped before the scene, observing his dark minions work." Nitpick, again. 'minions' is posessive, so you want an ' on the end.

5)“You really believe you can defeat me now? You rebels are more foolish then I thought! But, no matter. It is only a matter of time until you are extinct.” Two points. One: there word repetition on 'matter'. It pops up twice in two sentences, right after one another. You might want to change the first one to 'it is of no consequence'. The second is a note about villains in general. It's easy to write the 'hah, fear me for I am evil' type villain. Especially as a dark knight. The armor just swallows their humanity, and the personality fits them like a glove. Or spiked gauntlet. Whatever. However, there's a lot of new writers who would avoid that as a cliche. There are plenty of similar dark knights in other stories, who talk and behave in a similar way (Darth Vader, for instance.) So, you have two options. You can do something different with this dark knight. Develope his personality a little bit. Maybe he's a kind and loving father when he's out of the armor. Maybe he's addicted to some magic quality in the armor, and he can't say no to it. Your second option is to stick with the cliche, but intensify it. Make him big and bad and scary enough that other writers won't attack him for being a cliche. They'll be too frightened of him to do that. Well, I guess there's a third option. I'm not really sure what you plan to do with him yet. You might have other ideas I'm not aware of. So option #3 is just ignore me and keep doing what you're doing. It might be the best one.

6)"Now come my pet, I am your master!" There should be a semicolon or a period instead of that comma.

7)"With a frustrated growl the knight clenched his fists in anger, and with a gagging noise and a squelch, the man’s head fell after Kage." Your writing is very cinematic. It feels vaguely like I'm reading an anime. You might want to try and play that up a little. Focus less on describing everything perfectly, and just make sure you have the sequences of events mapped out in you mind. A storyboard of sorts. That way, when you're writing, the story'll flow really fast. It'll catch up the audience along with it.

8) The handgun is a nice touch, but it brings up a tiny problem. Every story that includes guns and swords, every video game that includes guns and swords, every anime that includes guns and swords ultimately neuters guns in favor of swords. I know. The gun's not a sporting weapon. It kills people in large numbers from a distance. And it takes less skill than a bow. Okay. Just please give it a reason to behave that way. Maybe the ambient magic in the world messes with the technology of guns. Maybe all the swords are tempered with magic. Maybe the earth is magical, and the more it gets refined, the more magic it loses. That way swords-which are tempered a few times-are more magical than bullets-which are mass produced. Either way, please give bullets a reason to be inferior (if they are. They might be superior. Which'd be a change.) Or else make them so cool that it doesn't matter.

9)"My eye’s snapped open". Take out that '. 'eyes' is plural, not posessive. I've always disliked grammer, but it's one of those essential evils to writing. The other is setting aside huge blocks of uninterrupted time.

10) Your first person narration is much more fluid than your third-peson dream sequence. Not a critique or anything, just calling attention to one of your strengths.

11)"Everyone I had everseen" Wordmating. Split up that 'ever' and 'seen'.

12) Interesting detail, giving all the Nadalians the same eye and hair color. If you isolate a whole society on one island, that's the kind of genetic varation you'll get. However, you might want to introduce Sarah's black hair a little less casually. I mean, if it seperates her from everyone else she knows, that's a little dramatic for her. And if you're writing as her, it should be dramatic for you, too. Maybe she doesn't like being set apart from everyone. Maybe she loves her black hair, because it's a vanity no one else has. It's a little hard to see her being indifferent about it, but maybe there's a reason for that.

13)"I grabbed my bo (1) and left my room." semi-exotic weapons. Always nice.

14)"I had always loved the late night and early morning; the world was so quiet and peaceful compared to the usual busy commotion of the day." Nice character detail.

15)"Like myself, and all other Nadalians, Kane had mastered a weapon, the lance." That's kinda weird. Nadalia's cut off from the rest of the world, but Nadalians master weaponry anyways. Maybe it's tradition, like in the Tokugawa's Japan. If so, wonder how practical their fighting techniques will really be. A hundered or so years of fighting as an art might do something to the style. Then again, maybe not.

16)"He wore his usual white kimono with a pale blue dragon design on it" Yup. You're definitely channeling an Eastern vibe in this story. That's kinda cool. There isn't a lot of Eastern fantasy on the market, yet.

17)"We had to be fighting for at least and hour, neither of us coming out on top." There's a little bit of a tense change, there. You might want 'we must've fought for at least an hour, with neither of us coming out on top'.

18)"I said with asmile" More words dancing uncomfortably close to each other.

19)“I’m supposed to be the one throwing the mocks here!” Tht almost works, but it seems like you're caught between the phrases 'throwing insults' and 'mocking', You might just want to stick with one. "I'm supposed to be doing the mocking, here."

20)“What did you want Steph, or did you just come and see me fall on my ass?” Comma after 'want'. Period after 'Steph'.

21)“Oh my goddess, I totally forgot!” Female deity. Nice. Just a brief note on swearing in fantasy worlds. Not every culture swears the same way we do. In Christianity, taking the lord's name in vain is a sin. Hence, it's a swear. However, some cultures might be more open with the name of their Gods/Godesses/Agnostic Forces. They might swear by other means. Or they might not. There's an ancient Roman taunt that ammounts to 'butthead', and that certainly hasn't changed much over the years. You might want to think about it a little. Make up your own set of rude gestures/curse words. Or just stick to what you know. That's the proven method. And made up profanity can sound a little silly.

22)"I couldn’t remember them at all, and often spend nights crying when I was young because of it." I guess it's tradition. Let's face it, it's hard to have an adventure with the parents around. Disney knows this, so there are always dead parents in its stories.

23)“It fits good.” Sorry, every grammatical bone in me is screaming 'it fits well', even though what you wrote is technically correct. In dialogue, your characters can say things any way they want. In narrative, too, if you've got a clear storyteller.

24)"I glance once more at the unhelpful ocean" That's a really lovely line. I wish I had written that.

25) Again, your ending is very cinematic. You're good at that. The whole story, while longer than what I prefer to read, is kinda cool. You've got a good start, and you certianly have no problem putting words on the page. Keep writing. Maybe I'll get to review again.
Lavender Knight chapter 13 . 4/24/2006
Woot! And triple woot! Yeah, the chapter rocked like nothing else. It was heartwarming what with all the reunions and I was soo happy when steph came to her senses and I feel an undying and psycho rage against elder meiosei. (haha, I got the names!) But Sarah's sickness was serious and that tsuki water sounds wonderful. I could just imagine what a relief that would be after a long day at school right before homework and right after homework. In fact, it would be good any time. , the reconciliation between Kage and Sarah was wonderful but gah! Sarah should just kiss kage! I mean, he was waiting for it!And by the way, Sensei Nathan is a sweetie, just like a sweet daddy. Ok, yeah, my chappie is coming soon. I swear. As soon as I reach the UK, I will you gotta update soon too!Cheers
Lavender Knight chapter 12 . 2/23/2006
Woot! I'm still working on my stubborn, unbelievable, wonderful, harsh, long, difficult, troublesome and prodigal chapter and Im only getting somewhere because I have a lot of adjectives at my disposal *wink wink*Hey, another chappie and I can't resist apologising for not reviewing right away. I came; i read, but I didn't review and God convicted me that night to the point that I am here and quivering at the word "convicted". Ok, on with the , so the Nadalians are already being attacked. Trouble, then. And I like how Steph at the end asks Sarah why "her" people are doing such a thing. Hmm, what a struggle there and I could understand Sarah's passion, but to go so far as to insult the one person taking care of you in the world. Kage's first fear being that she might turn because she might have drawn , is it pronounced "su-ki" or "chuki" because there are sometimes where the t and the s make the sound "ch".Wow, I wasn't expecting Stephanie to behave in that manner. But then again, if it were that she feared that Sarah might hurt her, it could be ! God! I guess Steph is afraid that she'll be banished along with Sarah if she lets them get away. I know she doesn't really want Sarah dead. Oh, what an ending. You're just as wicked as I am. Ok, let me try finish off my own chappie and be with you soon with new info. Take care and cheers!
Lavender Knight chapter 11 . 1/16/2006
I really like that you write in first person because I suddenly feel closer to the character and more in touch with their thoughts. Sarah's anxiety seems more real here. I love her thoughts on Kage's indiscreet use of his blood . The wrath idea is brilliant. This double is a character dying to be created and you created him. A counterpart of Kage who is basically him, knows his thoughts, his feelings and uses them to mock him. Oh, brilliant, Darkcat, thats brilliant. Kudos mega!Once again, I can't help telling you that you've made this thing resemble some very enjoyable RPG and sometimes I try to picture how it would look in Final Fantasy , a title huh? How 'bout Silent Waiting. The chapters theme IS basically Sarah's angst about waiting and even Helio is waiting whilst nothing can be done so they are silent as they wait. Like the deep breath before the plunge sort of thing. Take care and update soon and I'm still working on my updating ability. The chapters are ready but not the computer sadly. Cheers!
Lavender Knight chapter 10 . 1/16/2006
The first scene was one of those heartwarming ones...oh, excuse me, let me introduce myself. I am Lavender knight the human being who swore she would keep up with this story but failed because Africa is a strange and crazy, fun place. Ah, the luxury of technology in the middle of the coast. DCXX, I've missed you brutal! How are you? Ok, what a question. I'm reading your chapter and I'm about to read 11 and I'm dreading the cliffhanger to come because it seems you, like me, are not writing because of circumstance...anyway,when Kage was about to lick his hand I even smacked my forehead but it was really a hilarious idea and the thought of Kage literally doing that after Mr. Kenton had just accepted him made me feel like chuckling and I don't chuckle . I wonder whether these dreams Sarah has been having are an attribution to her powers or whether someone is giving her those dreams because its a little odd (did I say little) when someone starts dreaming about things happening live and living colour in a completely different area. Same thing happened to Harry Potter and look where it got him. hee ! Nadalia under attack. And by that colour blind freak? Oh, sorrow and brimstone!Helio is an awesome name by the ...whoa..Kage slapping Sarah. Even if I were in panic I would still have time to offer him some well-placed insults and cynical threats. What a thing to do! Yet, its kind of a funny thing to picture. I like how you build the emotions, thats one thing I like about your writing is that you concentrate on the character behaviour before the plot and surprising character behaviour is what makes the plot what it is. If Sarah didn't behave the way she does, we would have such a nice story unless you could find a better personality...moving title Karmavela is a beautiful word I even enjoy saying it. It sounds like an exotic dessert or a paradise. I just can't take the beauty of that word. Wow, you can really come up with some fine titles. Nadalia, Kage, Karmavela (ah, even typing it is nice)NEXT CHAPTER. Cheers!
Guitar Master chapter 11 . 11/26/2005
Your body can only grow and heal itself while you are sleeping. Without sleep, you wouldn't grow or heal! It's THAT important!...I still say Wrath is gay... O_o
Rytia Malachite chapter 10 . 11/16/2005
As I've said before, you have excellent characters! I'm glad to see Kage slowly lightening up. I was almost afriad that he was another one of those inconsolable angsty vampire with a soul sort of characters. I'm very glad to find that he's much more than that!

I think the description you wanted for the Temple of the Sun was a Step Pyramid, you've probably figured that out by now you clever writer, but I thought I'd say just in case.

Guitar Master chapter 10 . 11/12/2005
FINALLY!Lol, tipsy... Oo, they're going back to Sarah's land! I wonder if they'll run into any old friends *hinthintnudgenudge* :DMm, it's kinda cliffy-ish. I guess. I dunno. Good job though. Now I think you owe all of us a new chapter updated WAY sooner than this one. See ya!
Rytia Malachite chapter 5 . 11/1/2005
I like the intereactions between the main characters, they feel very real, like how people would pretty much act in the situation. However, I feel like the switching between Kage's point of view and Sarah's point of view interuppts the flow of your story. You might consider keeping Kage's feelings and thoughts a secret so that the readers get a little bit more suspense before you drop the kage loves sarah bomb. Also, judging from his actions it's pretty obvious that he's starting to fall in love with her,(and that he's slightly disturbed by her magic) so it may be ok to not come right out and state it. Rytia
Rytia Malachite chapter 4 . 11/1/2005
I sorta read thru the other chapters and got to this one without realizing that I hadn't reviewed. So here she is, your review. This is really very good stuff. I can't really think of anything specific that you need to fix, so keep up the excellent work!
Lavender Knight chapter 9 . 10/3/2005
All right. So, this will be short, but sweet. I'm at some ICT place and trying to keep up. I read your chapter earlier but unfortunately couldn't review quick enough for the cafe's liking. Forgive me if I sound distant, but I'm in a hurry and people are looking over my ! Tarinous is troublesome. But, hey, what a chappie. You had me siting on the edge of my hard made cafe chair and squinting and slowly realising that its unhealthy to press one's face against the monitor. Hee hee hee. Kage's question towards Sarah really jolted me. It was taken seriously and I know thats a mark of a good writer. Any other common writer would have had Sarah jumping at the chance of being a vampire, not because she's overlooking the consequences, but because the writer just likes vampires and wants to be one herself and writing about her main character becoming one is just as good. Or is it? hahahahah. I admit to being like that when I was younger. Ah! The thrill of making a fantasy come true. I like the way youhad Sarah having the flashbacks before she decided against giving in. It was very realistic and Kage's reaction made my heart twist. Oh, Xenreous is really stupid and egotistical just like any other powerdriven vamp. He assumes and assumes that he's right in ended this really well and kept the characters at their best and at their worst if you get me. I love how real Sarah and Kage are. Makes it seem like I'm only reading some account done by one of my friends which really happened. I mean, I'm really picking up on the mechanics of this world which is the setting of this story. Real awesome (not a word I normally use, so refrain from flinching). I will hoping and hoping for your writers block to lift so that for sure next sat you'll have a chappie here for us. Take care and keep up with this good stuff!Cheer!
steph chapter 9 . 9/27/2005
Yay! awsome story Cathy! sorry it took me so long to review. Hopefully you'll get inspiration soon! See ya in careers class lol
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