it makes me think of a beginning of a story or a preview from a movie. That so interesting and deadly. I really enjoy your poem, hope you will do more like this one.~Karite~yes, it's me again!

sweet! my heart started racing when i got to the three line or so.

I like the way you break the lines up, althoug a little more puncuation might make it easier to follow. Overall, though, a great narrative; good work.

Love the formatting! It is great to read aloud. In a couple parts I was like...this chick is awesome. Simply because of the image I got in my head. Anyhow, I would recommend a second glance at the formatting if you wish, there were a couple parts I thought were mistakes. But if they are not, then, in all truth, it makes the formatting all the more individual and kudos to you