Reviews for This is me, now
UtterWeirdo chapter 1 . 9/30/2008
I see where you are coming from. You once got a tiny, distorted glimpse of what another person perceived you as and got terrified of finding the rest of you because you hated the tiny little piece of distorted mirror. You felt empty and had to fill the emptiness with something, so you filled it with passion. The passion gave you energy, you needed the energy. I so get where you are coming from. I hope one day you can look at the rest of you and find inner peace. I will stand by you until that day and past.
gaara-koi chapter 1 . 5/31/2007
Alright, first off, I want to say I have read this esay and your reviews. I do agree with Formerly, and engine heart. They have a point. But, so do others of your repliers. I believe that last flame was slightly out of line, but not so much. They just said it in a more insulting manner.

Again, I'm not going to say you really are just a hormonal teen, because you should know yourself better than I do. However, the fact is, you are contradicting yourself. First you say you hate yourself with a passion, but then why did you begin cutting? Surely that's not something that would make yourself grow in your own eyes.

Unlike Formerly, I think your real problem is fear. It's not even the fact that you are afraid of a perfect life or happiness. It's that you are afraid to dig deep enough and find out who you truly are. You claim you don't know who you are, but the truth is, you just don't want to find out. You don't want to come face to face with yourself and realize that you hate yourself even more for what you found.

You also, in your writing contradicted yourself once more with that. You claimed that you hate yourself, but yet you don't know yourself. Your words are a contradiction, however, I do understand your meaning. And, all I can say is that you're letting fear rule your life. You're too afraid to give up your high horse of "I'm going to hide away because that no one will find me" so that, in turn, you won't have to find yourself.

And the only reason you appear to afraid of happiness isn't because of you amounting to nothing, it's that you don't know where it will go. You can't calculate it. If you're happy, you won't have that constant feeling of pain dragging you down. If you're happy, things can explode from there, and you wouldn't know how to handle it. You're just too damned afraid of the future and what will happen to yourself because of it.

"What are the chances of me finding something I like before I die? Nil to one." You must not understand. Of course you won't find something you like about yourself any time soon. BECAUSE YOU DON'T LOOK! You don't, you don't, you don't. You'd rather take time out of your schedule to write this filled with a jumble of your feelings over the ENTIRE course of your cutting, then search within yourself. Because, you're too DAMNED SCARED.

You're telling people you are not who you look like at first glance. But, do you realize that is exactly what you are doing to yourself? It is true that we as humans remember our bad memories over our good ones, and you can prove that. You refuse to look at your good attributes, claiming you mave none. You only see yourself on the outside and inside your own mind, but you never dig deep enough to get to your raw feeling. Because, when that raw feeling starts becoming known, it's too much for you and you have to cut.

Please, tell if I'm wrong.

I'm not saying to you that you're a horrible person and that you should get over your own issues yourself. What I'm saying is that you're claiming facts that have not been proven. You're talking so much of yourself, like you know yourself like the back of your hand, but then you reveal to us that you don't even know yourself. Well then, how are we supposed to believe that this is just an act for attention.

Just, before spouting something that would appear as "nonsense" to the general public, KNOW something. Grow a little backbone, and get off your lazy butt and figure out something about yourself.

Find some good things. You can write much better than most people. And, this was a problem of mine, but might occur to you. If someone were to call you "nice", and you'd always want to reply, "only because I try". That's still a good quality. You're trying. To be Nice.

Just, please, read this with the utmost seriousness. And, I apologize for the CAPS, but I can't bold-face the words.

E-mail me, if you wish to reply to this:

-me
Anybody's Angel chapter 1 . 3/8/2006
*nods* What you said makes sense. I imagine I don't quite understand...but I can imagine understanding.
KingmikeIII chapter 1 . 11/16/2005
Rightt...I can totally see where you're coming from. Cutting yourself to mask inner pain...thats normal. *Cough*SARCASM*Cough* You know, there are some pills to help you with pain, but it isnt mathematically possible to take away pain by adding pain, I mean it would end up being {Sigma}Pain(subscript)in Pain(subscript)ot. And that just doesnt mean anything. So stop trying to get attention and get over whatever the heck it is thats bothering you. O you hate yourself...wow...Peh. You have psych issues and should deal with them. K? I took the time to read your essay, the least you can do is read my review.
Fairy in Black and White chapter 1 . 8/15/2005
I wish more people understood self-injuring. So many are under the mistaken impression that people who SI only SI to get attention and it's not that at all, as you know. There are several different reasons why people SI, but mainly I consider it to be a coping mechanism. I've never cut myself, but I have hurt myself before. So I know where you're coming from. It never turned into a full-blown habit for me, because the circumstances that made me fall into that pit changed. And things were better. But I remember...I remember well. And I understand. It's twisted and it's sick, but it's reasonable and practical at the same time. Outside pain cancels the inside pain. At least, that's what it was about for me. I'm sorry about the flames from those who still don't understand. Ignore them. They're wrong. But if you can't stop cutting, you should get help. Because with help, you could learn to love yourself. It sounds awfully hypocritical of me, but I'm not hurting myself anymore. And I no longer want to. I want the same for you and everyone else who's felt so much pain that their minds were warped into thinking that hurting themselves is anything but bad.
llivia chapter 1 . 8/1/2005
Thanks for the reviews everyone
StoryJunkie chapter 1 . 7/31/2005
A fox will chew off its own leg to escape the trap
engine heart chapter 1 . 7/27/2005
If you're so unhappy, why not do something to make yourself happier? Change yourself if you don't like yourself. If you want your life to "mean" something, make it happen, don't just sit around shoving a razorblade into your arms and refusing things that make you happy.
Formerly chapter 1 . 7/27/2005
It's not teen angst. Or rather, it is, but it's more than that. Your real problem is laziness. If you hate yourself, do something about it. It's easy to be stupid, why don't you try being smart for a change? It can be done, if you're capable of articulating a decent sentence, which you apparently are.

And if you enjoy it, go do it by yourself. Don't bother other people about it. Either it's something you don't like, or it's something you do. Please don't come up with some quasi-philosophical bullshit about how you like it and hate it at the same time. You take yourself too seriously.
blackoutroses chapter 1 . 7/27/2005
i think you've cleared up things for many people, including me. But cutting really isn't release and freedom eventhough it may seem like it- but i guess we all go through shit...
Astral Ferret Warlord chapter 1 . 7/26/2005
Aww... I know what you mean, just becasuse you cut doesnt mean your suicidal, and it doesnt neccasarily make you dark, its just a way of keeping yourself in touch with your feelings, or making sure you can stand the pain... *hug*
K's Moonshadow chapter 1 . 7/26/2005
Brilliant. I'm not sure I have anything to say. Sadly, I'm a cutter too. I know exactly what you're talking about. I could be anyone out there, absolutly any fucking "normal" person in the world, and yet I would be absolutly nothing, because it's all so damn fake. No one will ever know who I really am, because I do not know that myself. Sometimes I want to stop, other times I don't want to at all, and most times I know I never will. It's the only constant in my life, and if I don't have that, I'm even less of a nothing than I thought I was to begin with...

Much Love and Hugs,

*K's Moonshadow*

P.S. Please look at some of my stuff if you would like, just to know that there are others of us out there, believe it or not. (hugs)