|Reviews for Missing You|
| S0ulSearching chapter 1 . 10/25/2005
*claps* I love it! I'm missing some people right now...and this really showed my own feelings...keep it up.-pammy-x3
| Calibrated Addict chapter 1 . 8/27/2005
nicely done...I'm one for the Romantic style of thought as well as the extreme yearning for another...I like the flow of the words...at the beginning everything seems relaxed and there's explanation then it changes and speeds up into remarks and statements...it makes for a better ending (at least that's how I read it)the only thing that felt awkward to me were the lines "Once again I catch myself lost in time, Now I’m left off center, I missed the line." this is only because you have all the 'ing' words (waiting, hoping, closing, thinking) and then you make two independent clauses with present tense verbs right in a row...I think it is because there are two...because it works when you do it in other places
| FantasizedMusic chapter 1 . 7/27/2005
One suggestion really quickly before I get into my analysis; I would change this into song lyrics (no chorus needed), because the rhymes are a little strained. It sounds like you're straining to get everything to rhyme. Now, in song lyrics, it doesn't matter, because all that matters is message, while in poetry, you have to worry about meter and flow and a whole range of other things.
There are some really nicely constructed lines in this; "An ocean of tears is what I found in mind," and "Now I’m left off center, I missed the line" were standouts to me, especially the second one I mentioned, because of all the double entendre with the directional words. A little rough, but you show a lot of promise and potential. One personal suggestion is to add some more imagery in there; that always enriches a poem. (Emily Dickenson and Edgar Allen Poe do this especially well.) Good work on this, and keep writing.