|Reviews for The Seal of Prayers|
| Guest chapter 9 . 6/8/2011
Just the right balance of suspense and revelation, but a little difficult to comprehend the relationship between Caitlin and Maleran, just based on what happened in Chapter 4. At any rate, it compels the reader to hurry to the next chapter.
| Guest chapter 8 . 6/7/2011
Another enjoyable chapter, with interesting dialogue and a tasteful love scene. I would add a little more colorful description to the setting: The 'festive' atmosphere, mentioned twice, could use some specifics, such as jugglers in a marketplace, banners, exotic wares, etc. The Inn should have a name and possibly a gruff innkeeper who is suspicious of Reisshen. Speaking of her, why did she not heal herself in the forest? (I would have Marcus or the old man ask that, and a blush might be a sufficient reply!) The paragraph with the gleam of light gleaming is a little awkward; perhaps use 'reflecting.' We should know Thunder's name before he goes into the forest, and more description than just a horse.
| Strabo chapter 7 . 5/16/2011
This was the best-crafted chapter so far: It moves along at a crisp pace and introduces some intriguing plot complications. Nothing sticks out that I would change. Maybe Marcus could notice some shadows ducking into alleys; I have to believe that House Azure sent someone to follow him.
| Strabo chapter 6 . 5/11/2011
Not much to change in this enjoyable chapter. Two issues:
No need to rush with Illiandra. I think a little more time needs to pass between her meeting Traven and their plotting to escape. Since a week has passed since Caitlin has been kidnapped, there is time to fatten her up and get her some exercise before an escape, and it would be more believable if they were wary of each other at first.
The mythology with the Slayer and Eterna comes at the reader too fast. Perhaps this could be explained in more detail in the form of Cait reading one of Maleran's books, and should definitely be referred to in earlier chapters so it doesn't come across as forcing the plot.
| Strabo chapter 5 . 4/28/2011
Great storytelling! The author shows skill in introducing complex, believable antagonists. The only general complaint I have with this chapter is that there is not a clearcut transition from present to reminiscing and back to the present, which apparently is sixteen years later.
A few minor issues, easily repaired:
Asra is said not to have received Herculean strength, but in the next sentence 'the Ashfolk feared his strength.' Perhaps they should fear his agility instead.
Eterna: First the Ashfolk would ignore her, then she is called 'a paragon to the Ashfolk."
Asra comes out of a room, stroking his hair, but when Haar appears, suddenly there are guards to be swatted aside.
| Strabo chapter 4 . 4/18/2011
An entertaining read, especially with all of the dialogue. Again, I would try to keep the terminology medieval, such as replacing "'messing' with your seal" with 'disrupting.'
Another akward phrase is "dressing right" which would sound more like girl-talk if it were "fashion."
The only complaint I have with the general thrust of this chapter would be the chattiness of the dragon, too abruptly out of character from the previous chapter. I picture her trying to win Caitlin's confidence by tempting her with fine clothes and jewelry, as is brushed upon. Starting with this approach would give you the opportunity to transition the new character, as she notes Caitlin's reactions (less mercenary, I assume) and also to add a little more descriptive prose, which is a bit lacking.
Perhaps the dragoness needs to establish more in common with Caitlin before she opens up so much.
| Strabo chapter 3 . 4/14/2011
Review of Chapter 3
Another enjoyable chapter, and the plot is unfolding much more smoothly than chapters 1 & 2, but I would address the following:
Expand a little bit on the flowers and shrubs in the garden. You don't have to go over the top like Tolkien, but it would be more interesting to read about what southern province the palm came from, or the unusual color and petal-shape of the flower.
A majority of the narrative is written in a serious and medieval style, so the few modern slang terms that are used, such as "bugged her" and "you rang?" and "How the hell does that work?" don't seem to fit. Instead use terms such as "vexed her" "you summoned?" or something like "In what Styxian manner is that achieved?"
It is hard to believe that the retainer would let the unknown maid (dragon) just walk right up to the Princess without being searched. You should develop some sort of pretext, or sleight-of-hand allowing the maid to circumvent more rigid procedures.
Looking forward to the next chapter.
| Ghost chapter 23 . 4/12/2011
Glad to see your back at writing...!:
Was wondering when you would drop another chapter.. Hope you can get the help you need bud.
| Strabo chapter 2 . 4/6/2011
This chapter, like the first, was engaging, and in fact was more suspenseful. I would not apologize, as in your A/N, for the amnesia. As long as the hints remain subtle, it retains our interest by making us think we are deducing what happened to Caitlin.
I was left confused on three points:
1)In what way was Caitlin duped? Although she was not aware of the gravity of her commitments, I didn't catch how she was tricked into agreeing to anything she objected to.
2)I reread the scene where the retainer stabs the old man, and cannot figure out who he was referring to as 'Your Majesty.' It doesn't seem like a proper title for the retainer, but doesn't make sense that he was referring to Caitlin, as it seemed to provoke the retainer.
3)The whole issue with the primary elemental (the voice) and the House Azure primary is confusing, in that I assumed that the princess transferred the primary from herself to Caitlin, but if there was another primary giving House Azure its power, why would it not manifest through the royal line? Are you saying that the princess was bound to two primaries, or does the actual building (House Azure) contain one?
One last easy fix: The final paragraph uses the word 'jewelry' three times in two sentences. Elaborate more, such as replacing one use of the word with a description, such as 'silver tiara with ruby and emeralds.'
Your humble servant...
| JCHL chapter 23 . 4/5/2011
*v* Oh wow. Sersque is such a.. typical prince. I don't think he could get any more arrogant or use a better method for making a town hate him.
Also, Ephemera is really bad-ass. :D Even though she, too, has a major attitude problem. She can leave everyone who doesn't like her hanging on a wall.
I keep seeing "Brain" throughout the chapter and it makes me snicker everytime. /immature
| Strabo chapter 1 . 4/4/2011
This is a very engaging 1st chapter, which I had not planned to read entirely at first sitting, but I could not put it down! I won't waste time with correcting grammatical errors such as incomplete sentences, of which there are a number, as I assume this will be proofread before publication. I would like to offer suggestions on the following points, which I jotted down in the order I read them:
1) The description of the itchy uniform could be expanded, i.e. 'a thick, wool tunic' maybe even a color that signifies rank?
2) Using a name for the legendary 1st Seal Master would add interest.
3) Change "It was her last stop on her errand" to "It was her last attempt to complete her errand."
4) Did you mean to say "Lady of (the) tower?"
5) The repetition of a key word is cumbersome: 'doorway, a doorway massive...' Possibly substitute 'structure' on the second use.
6) Same with "...with his sword, a sword..." just eliminate 'his sword' and it sounds better.
7) She should hand the pouch with the change and the receipt, along with the tea, to the retainer.
8) Perhaps it is addressed in a later chapter, but I am left confused by the statement by the Princess that Caitlin may keep her name. Does the Princess have a name? It is not mentioned, but surely the Viradian Prince would know it. Is Caitlin Flora already Caitlin's full name? If so, Gren would recognize it when it came up after her supposed death. If not, why not just use the new name 'Flora?'
Overall it is very well written, and I am looking forward to reading the next chapter. Keep up the good work!
| Kannon chapter 22 . 12/21/2010
I love this story, i came across it by chance and have just fallen in love with it. i can't wait for more.
| Ghost chapter 22 . 7/19/2010
A story must evolve to be good. I like how it is going. Just stay the corse and keep it true to the line. Will be waiting for more. She should be having some more memeries break soon. But who knows what could come out of the woods. Even when deuling there is the occational accident or insite flash that can triger things. Call it battle memory or for us in the real world PTSD. Not an easy thing to deal with if not ready for it. Just a thought from a VET.
| JCHL chapter 22 . 7/18/2010
O: Caitlin's way of dealing with the mayors was a pleasant surprise. I didn't expect her to be so stubborn, but it worked in her favour.
I also like how they spar now. (: What I'm really really looking forward to is Caitlin in a proper fight~ with a huge sword~ and powers~
(I LOVE LONG CHAPTERS. :DD )
| Ghost chapter 21 . 7/15/2010
Still waiting bud. You got a good story going here, please keep it up.