|Reviews for Worship|
| Lowell Boston chapter 1 . 8/5/2005
Hmm... okay, I've never really reviewed a christian poem, but this reads more as religion than poetry. Not sure if this is a result of the formating your writing program creates, or your decisions, but I wouldn't use a single line format with spaces between each line. in poetry a line space equates a pause, or a place for the reader to consider and think of the line that they have just read. However, too many space-breaks can considerably slow the meter, or rhythm of your work. You are asking the reader to read a line - pause - read a line - pause, etc... .
Okay, now, there is very little visual imagry to your poem, that is why it reads more as a religion than poetry. For me this is more fanaticism than devotion, especially when you ask the reader to end on your last four lines. I don't think that is your intent, because I sense a strong passion for your beliefs which is admirable and refreshing to see in a young person. The real question is how do you express your beliefs without coming across as 1-dimensional? May I suggest this? Your poem makes one believe that your only wish in life is to bow your head to the lord and worship him. I don't believe that - judging from how prolific you write you do many things outside of worshiping the lord. I think if this poem is about thanking the lord, than you are on to something many people can relate to. perhaps this:
(In case this doesn't format right a slash - / indicates a line break)
Is your only wish/ is for me to bow down/before You?/
To place my head down/ before Your feet?/
You give me strength,/and I shall worship You./
Or do You wish me to live the life/you have given me?/
By your teachings/By your deeds/By your love./
Take the above only as a suggestion. Thanks for posting your work.
| Pheobe Meryll chapter 1 . 8/1/2005
Well, here's one person who won't flame you for writing Christian poetry. That is, as long as you have no problem with me being Catholic. _ This is a heartfelt little piece, echoeing the emotion of the psalms...it's very sweet, and I enjoyed it. Keep it up.
| The Postscript chapter 1 . 7/31/2005
Hmm...I like this one. It's how I feel in worship too. As a poem, it's missing something, though. It does feel complete. Anyway, keep writing for Him. God Bless, silent.
| Autumn-Flowers chapter 1 . 7/31/2005
makes me want to worship to.