|Reviews for I do not belong|
| Morbid Maxwell chapter 1 . 9/19/2005
...okay. Expect an e-mail from me on this one. I've got a few things to say...
Morbid Maxwell-I smell a sex scene on the horizon.
| The Proxy Ninja chapter 1 . 8/30/2005
I think the redeeming lines of this poem happen to be: [I live for those still left/ For those who I love unconditionally] Otherwise, I would have brought down Thor's Hammer on this piece. The two lines that follow it: [I try to be who they want/ I’ll never live for myself.] would have ticked me off if it hadn't been for the whole brutal honest that this piece observed. Masochism, a subservient nature but still too good for the world? I like it enough.
It's grammatically correct, there's nothing wrong. And I could make a poem just off the italicized words in every last line of every stanza.
[ never smile pain myself only real now never reason nowhere belong ] Those are your words. Ready? I hope this amuses you. (This is sometimes how I teach other people the importance of punctuation everytime they send me angry e-mails asking me where my Nazi Grammar Authority comes from, Am I an English Teacher, do I Have The Right, ect.
Never smile; , , now? : .
-now, with the punctuation filled in.-
[I] Never smile, [because I'm in] PAIN.[By] Myself, only [me].[Am I] Real, now? [No, I've] Never [been].Reason [, is it anywhere?]: [It's] Nowhere [to be found].[I just want to] BELONG.
I hope you enjoyed that as much as I enjoyed the honest flow of this poem. It's aesthetically pleasing to the eye. Its simple, neat, four lines per stanza format is really easy on the eyes, and forces the poet to really compact her words. I happen to like it, even when I am usually very critical about poems of this nature.
Awesome, Forbidden Passion.
| transparency93 chapter 1 . 8/15/2005
wow! i especially loved these lines: "I’m just a girl/With a façade/A knife/And a smile." :) keep writing!
| Artemises Linux chapter 1 . 8/12/2005
I love this...its really good. Its sad, but good.
| account not in use chapter 1 . 8/6/2005
I really, really love this beyond all words.
| AllyCred chapter 1 . 8/1/2005
this is really good...i love at the beginning where you introduce the person makes the poem feel so alive and so much more real...i can relate...well done. lots of love ~AllyCred~
| n chapter 1 . 8/1/2005
| Linera chapter 1 . 7/31/2005
Wow! I love the poem. It has a few rough spots where the words don't quite fit together, but other then that it's awsome. You described the feeling so well! Keep up the good work.