i like it

well done bob! can't wait to see the next upcoming chapter!

I really like the angel. What a cool idea!I guess the one thing I'd say about the story is I wanted to hear what Brenack was thinking rather than a statement about him being a talented magician. Just a thought. Can't wait for more!

[gasp] What happens next? I need to know! Tell me! Please!

You get the idea I like you story, huh? Well, I do, and not without good reason. I realise this isn't very con/crit, but it's a great start. See if I can think of any...

I love all the description, but I think it's a little bit thick in places. But that's just my personal opinion.

Interesting beginning so far and I can see a good bit of potential just from it. Will you be continuing it?

The only critique I had off-hand would be to watch how many exclamation points you use.

fission