Reviews for Dangerous Obsession
muzikall chapter 13 . 4/24/2008
Ahh! I finished reading what was up and then checked the last update date and it was...around a year and a half ago. :(.

Please update!
Sweet Phyllida chapter 13 . 4/19/2008
Wow! I can NOT believe you only have 10 reviews . . . your work is amazing! I'm so completely impressed- your style, grammar, vocabulary, punctuation, and just everything is mountains higher than most on this site. You are also really good at following up on stuff- like when Aiden threw Michaela on his back, honestly most people would totally have forgotten by that time that his back was injured, but you didn't! I was delighted, lol. And you've done a really good job with the plot . . . I have no idea who the killer actually is! I'm sure it can't be that 21 year old who works for her, because people were killed back in 1980, right? Ahh, now I can't remember the other dates. Anywho. I'm completely thrilled, and I really hope that you update sometime soon!
Kendra chapter 1 . 3/1/2007
I just wanted to tell you that your story is very well written and you are doing an excellent job. I hope you are still writing it, since it was last updated in August of last year... I like the fact that you are using this story to tell the gospel. It's refreshing to see fellow believers out ther:). Anyways, I hope you continue to write this story and others!
murderprotocol chapter 4 . 2/25/2006
Wow, I'm loving this so far. Your descriptions are almost flawless. Aiden, Denny, Noah and Michaela are all wonderful characters. I particularly liked Noah's infatuation with his gun, although as a criminal psychologist he probably wouldn't have one, but who cares right? My novel's psychologist has a gun too. :)

Just a few suggestions: always put dialogue on a new line, even if narrative comes first. And it would be best to add a break between Michaela and Aiden and the killer's POV's. The break just helps to organise things properly so it's easier to read.

Apart from that, this is absolutely awesome. You caught me right from the start, and I shall definitely be back to read the rest. You've a talent that shouldn't be wasted. :)
Danni Evans chapter 9 . 1/8/2006
ahh! I hate have to update soon!Great story, though. There's a really good balance between the humour, the relationships and the suspenseful parts. (I'm having trouble with that in my own story, so I'm noticing it more in others'.) I really like the way you're integrating the Bible stories and faith issues; it's really well done, and doesn't sound forced at all.(Have you read the O'Malley series by Dee Henderson, by any chance? I noticed your Ch.7 had remarkable similarities to some of the things said by one character in book 1 of the series...if you haven't read it, it's an amazing series. Very exciting.)Anyway, seeing as how you've left the reader hanging, you'd better resolve that cliffie soon!Happy writing!~Danni
Danni Evans chapter 3 . 1/7/2006
Wow! This is extremely should try and get it published!I am really enjoying the characters. Especially Aiden; he seems really genuine, so much that I could see myself running into him on the street...and he seems like a really fascinating person to know. Great job on that! I like Michaela, too. And the killer's perspective in the prologue was absolutely chilling. (*shudders*)I also really like the Bible verses at the beginning of each appropriate, too. I'm writing a story in which I was contemplating starting each chapter with a verse, but I decided against it. (Incidentally, this story is posted...if you want to read it's kind of in the same vein, involving threatening letters and such.)Question: Is this Denny Carlson the same guy that was introduced in chapter 1 as Denny Caraway? (If so, maybe you should fix that...)"...possessed you to challenge this manic over the phone.” Do you mean 'maniac'?Anyway, I'm loving the story so far. Happy writing!~Danni
Silver-Dragon5 chapter 9 . 11/6/2005
I'm so glad that you're putting chapters up again! I've been checking regularly - waiting for the next exciting addition.

Can't wait for the next chapter.

Silver-Dragon5 chapter 8 . 8/29/2005
I'm definitely hooked! I love it. You're characters are so interesting- and they do have their flaws, which make them all the more interesting and real. You have a great ability to make each of your characters different in their own way. (And do I suspect a growing relationship between Kyle and Rachel?)

Another great thing about your story that I forgot to mention in my first review was your prologue. It was fantastic in all its creepy-ness. You really fell into the mind of your killer and made me want to know more about him.

As I said earlier, I love the budding, romantic relationship that is taking place between Aiden and Michaela. It is happening slowly but the attraction is obvious. I really find it a joy to read!

I can't wait to find out what happens next- who the killer is? who will he kill before Michaela? what happened to Aiden's mother? I'll be eagerly awaiting your next chapter. I hope it will be soon!


PS. I added your story to my favourites!
Silver-Dragon5 chapter 6 . 8/28/2005
Absolutely awesome! I'm totally hooked. I especially love the attraction between Aiden and Michaela. I'm a sucker for that kind of thing.

The storyline is quite tight and your characters are incredibly well developed. They are individual and easy to picture. I can't wait to read more.

However, my bed is calling to me and my Mum is telling me to go to bed so I'd better do so. I'll have to continue some other time. Keep it up!

Trinny B chapter 8 . 8/19/2005
The writing itself is very talented, but be careful that the romances don't take over the crime part of the story.

Also, don't make your characters so lovable. Give them flaws that aren't immediately attractive in some way (eg Michaela's fighter-instiinct).

I think, overall, this is a gripping story, and the characterisation is good. I loved the characters of Kyle and Rachel, but it would have been if you had perhaps kept us from fully realising Michaela's feelings, but that's being over-analytical.

How do you pronounce Michaela?

I look forward to reading your next chapter.

Trins x
Clodhopper chapter 1 . 8/11/2005
Since you don't accept anonymous reviews, and there's only one signed review allowed per person per chapter (and seeing as how Mack already reviewed the second chapter), this review is for both the prologue and chapter 1.

Prologue: Wow, that's all I can say. This is really creepy. This was absolutely amazing and I like how you had the viewpoints from both the killer and the victim. It gave me chills as I put myself in the victim's place (as I unwillingly do all the time). That would be such a scary thing. No errors that I found in this chapter, so wonderful job.

Chapter 1: Another awesome chapter. You have me hooked. I do, however, have a couple of corrections for you, if you don't mind that is:

"Oh, come on Denny," Aiden protested. Need a comma before/after the receiver's name: "Oh, come on, Denny." Same with, "Now, Mrs. Hunter-" The same rule applies with insults and nicknames: "Hey, moron!" "Hello, dear."

With the quotation marks, I don't know what type of word document you use, but MS Word will automatically format your quotation marks to face the opposite direction at the end of a quote if you use a dash. What I found is that you have to put the end quotation in first and then hit the back arrow and add the dash.

Don't use dashes and commas: "Well, Miss Hunt-," Since he's cutting himself off/being cut off the only end mark necessary is the dash. Commas are only if you're adding a tag like he said, she commented, etc.

Other than those things, I thought you have a fantastic story going here. Very creepy, but very good. The card at the end of chapter 1 gave me chills.

¡Buen trabajo!


Thank you so much for the reviews! They mean so much to us.
Clodhopper chapter 2 . 8/10/2005
ohh man! what a creepy letter! this was so very well done! i loved how you flipped from POVS of different characters. it got us insight on them all. the sociopath (at least i assume thats what he is from his behavior) thus far seems very realistic. the cop also seems very interesting. be careful of details waning when the dialogue starts - other than that this was a very well done piece!


PS if you're ever bored would you mind checking out my fic? Please do *not* feel obligated to do so. just if you're ever bored