Reviews for Darkening Days
writerguy2 chapter 4 . 1/5/2009
From what I've seen so far, my main tips would be to try giving more description of the female faerie characters to make it easier for the reader to tell them apart (that can be physical description, personality, or whatever else does the job).

Also, I think this could be improved by writing a little less formally and more could tell the story more like something that you're relating to your friends verbally (as long as you didn't go completely overboard with the informal style, lol).

And my last note: I would try not to jump around as much between characters and short scenes...I'd like to get a feel for a couple of the main characters by staying in their head for a little while.

Hope that helps! :) (Sorry, I always end up putting my compulsive editor cap on when I read Internet fiction, and from that point on, I'm all business.) :) :)
The Wandering Musician chapter 1 . 4/17/2008
You are traveling very quickly with this story. I feel like you are so eager to tell everyone what is happening that you rushed a bit. There are several things you need to keep in mind while you are writing:

1) Don't tell the reader things, show them and let them see for themselves. A good way to do that here might be to open with an exciting scene in which some children disappear in the nights and their parents worry and send out search parties. This sets a background that is more interesting that just saying that many children disappear.

2) Have more dialogue. Readers want to hear the individual voices of the characters so that they can get to know them.

3) Try to find a style you are comfortable with and stick to it. It feels like you are trying to write in a more elevated language, but you are not completely comfortable with it. Sometimes it is better to just write plainly (though not without adjectives, metaphors, ect.). Use words you know well, but try to maintain a varied vocabulary.

4) You can also add a little more mystery to the story about the discovery of the orb. Don't tell readers exactly how it was found, just leave a few hints that could be fleshed out in later chapters. Try to keep us guessing.

Overall, great job. The plot has me intrigued. :-) I will certainly read the rest of the story, but it may take me a while to get around to it because I am very busy at the moment.

~Daughter of the Faeries
hrhleia chapter 3 . 4/15/2008
Hi there! I know it's taken me way to long to do this - sorry! I think your story is interesting, and you have a clear picture of the world you're writing in. A lot of the exposition sounds very formal, which I think is because you are trying to set a mysterious and fantastical atmosphere, but sometimes it comes across as stuffy. When describing the action your style is clearer and easier to follow. One way to help this would be to use more metaphors than similes - reading a lot of 'things like other things' starts to sound cliched. One tiny detail bothered me - if no one talked about the Orb, why would the Queen mention it to her court, and why would they know enough about it to start whispering to each other?

But overall I like the characters as they are developing and I want to know how it ends! I'm impressed you've been working on this so long, and I hope you get to finish it! Hugs! :) ..
fw5blue chapter 2 . 9/19/2006
Ah, the pace slowed down a bit to show a scene. That's how characters are built. By showing what they say and do. I liked it.

more show, dont tell!
fw5blue chapter 1 . 9/19/2006
I like that the action starts right away. But the characters are introduced so quickly, I didn't get a chance to be familiar with the world. And it sounds like a cool world!
JennyJoy4 chapter 14 . 5/26/2006
So if the Orb destroys anyone not entirely pure who tries to use it...

...Why doesn't she just giftwrap it and send it to her enemies?*grins*
RJS chapter 2 . 5/26/2006
Nice work!
RJS chapter 1 . 5/26/2006
Great story!
RS chapter 13 . 3/23/2006
When is the next chapter?
R chapter 1 . 3/7/2006
I LOVE the story!When are you going to publish the next chapter? I can't wait to see what happens to Celia!Are the Dark Faeries the one's who are talking to Celia? Or is it the Orb?Hurry up with the next chapter!
R chapter 11 . 3/5/2006
Great story! Love it!
RS chapter 10 . 3/5/2006
I LOVE the story! Keep up the great work! Now do I get a plushie?See you soon!
R chapter 9 . 3/5/2006
Mighty good story
R chapter 8 . 3/5/2006
Great story
R chapter 7 . 3/5/2006
Coming along nicly!
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