I really like this story a lot, since I know where it's going. I adore retellings of fairy tales. This start is wonderful. I can't wait to see what will happen next.

A few things bugged me:

1) 'Elise slightly read the first entry in her mother’s book' - Slightly? An odd word to use. Do you mean silently?

2) 'He bids his time to find William’s weakness.' - bides, not bids.

3) 'I wasn’t sure why he’d wanted my to come along' - me, not my.

I love the opening of the book entry, about how she was made not born. You've managed to write it very evocatively, so kudos to you. The rest of the chapter was great too, the book continues to be a mystery. I hope you update this soon.

Greetings. Two things bugged me about this chapter:

1) You use inverted commas to denote Elise's thoughts at one point, and then italics. It's best to stick to one way of denoting thoughts, and italics is the most conventional.

2) Her mother's room? Didn't her parents still in the same room?

But other than those two things, I enjoyed this. A good sense of mystery throughout, and I am intrigued by the book. I also liked how people came to their house to see how Elise and her dad would cope, and I loved the description at the very end of the chapter, of the book's handwriting. All in all, good job.

Thanks very much for the review of my story, I really sppreciated it.

This story sounds interesting, and I was drawn to it because I like unusual twists on fairy tales. Elise's behaviour is effective, and I love the description in here.

(Particularly the description of the handwriting in chapter one - very excellent.)

I hope you're planning to continue this D

wow, that is all i can say after reading this. the concept of fairy tales arent what they are made out to be is done often enough, but you've put a really original twist on it. i like elis quite a bit, and she seems to act in a way a distraught person would, but i dont have the experience to tell you how a distraught person would act. overall, most awesome chapter. looking forward to reading more. id also like to take this moment to comment you dont update often enuf. really, youve got so many awesom beginnings to work with. either come up with a new beginning or continue an old one. id greatly appreciate it if you did that.

cool! can't wait to read the rest!

oh cool! i like it alot, modern era, but fantasy. one little thing:

And then he left.

The and doesn't sound good. I think you should change it.

The fairytale is a nice creepy story. I can see where the heroine's mother got tied up in it so easily. It does have a certain type of pull to it. That makes it all the more frightening. Especially with the time displacement.

This is really, really interesting. The story in the book is very mysterious. I wonder what will happen to Elise...afther all, the book was supposed to be dangerous.

I really like this story a lot so far. You do suspense very well, and the characterizations are very good. I especially liked how you put in the fight Elise had with Camron; it proves that she isn't perfect, and her casual assumption that he will forgive her adds to the general tone.

My thanks for reading through my Galen story. Actually, the first 8 chapters was once written as one piece. Oh well, anyway. I read part of your profile, and I hate the cold too. It gets around 0 here in Kentucky, too, but it is hitting around 100 now! Ow!

Anyway, to this story. This is an intriguing little piece, and I am dying to know what she finds in this book. It could be the Neverending Story all over again! You did a nice job with her grief. Grief is a peculiar thing. It can really bring out the worst in a person. I am also curious as to how her mother died. Could it have something to do with that book . . .

I'll admit the story isn't 100% gripping for me but I'd still read it anyways, seeing as how I like some mystery. Elise reminds me a little bit about Billy from your other story, which isn't such a bad they're related. Jokes : P.