|Reviews for The Course of Eight Years|
| cazkainwielder chapter 2 . 9/25/2005
hello again. here we are for chapter two.
"Mikulas Valka, the man who united the people and ended the Clan Wars... he's the only reason these people can go about their daily lives like this." YES YES YES lol that's the way to work in information! ok moving on...right well this hardly makes any difference at all...but i like to do thourough suggestions. ok so in the narrative part you switch between edwin and ed. you probably didn't even think about it but it might be better not to. i mean its fine and doens't really detract from your writing...but yes just a suggestion. have the characters call him ed and then call him edwin in narrative or something...or alternate with dialogue and then yeah...or whatever. you know what i mean.
again maybe a bit more description with the town. its just nice to read and nice to have as information to help us readers invision where things take place. perhaps something about the horses hooves and what sounds they make as they walk along whatever kind of road it is. stuff like that. write for our senses...what they see what they hear what they smell what they feel and what they taste (not so much that last one lol) because then it puts that image in our mind and makes it all the more realistic.
and something about the beginning of the last chapter...maybe you shouldn't tell us straight out that ed's going to be king. it could be a nice surprise for us.
gr i don't like the twins already...good job! lol. i'm so glad i don't have an older sibling.
"Ed was thankful for the extra height of his horse, making him the one looking down on his brothers for once." nice detail there i liked that. it's things like this that make writing good. "Vegetation grew more sparse, and the ground became increasingly sandy" YES YES YES YES YES! lol good descriptions!
and your first two chapters aren't boring...otherwise i would have a much shorter review and skim them quickly lol.
| cazkainwielder chapter 1 . 9/25/2005
hola my friend! i have invaded your review section! i decided to do chapter by chapter reviews...and am reviewing as i read. btw your summary makes me want to read this just because i like this kind of stuff (i think you knew that already though).
haha the last sentence of the little prologue like beginning there reminds me of a tale of two cities: "it was the best of times, it was the worst of times" lol.
"good for nothing braggarts" hehehe i like that.
ok now for suggestions. since i've only read the first chapter...i obviously can't be sure of what kind of style you're going to be using but i'll go ahead and say this anyway. you might want to think about a bit more description of setting. everyone has their own preferences...but i know i like to be able to invision where things are happening really well. don't say what the place looks like all in one paragraph, but maybe try bringing in in separately by so and so ran past this or that window and describe the window there briefly and then maybe the bedchamber when he wakes up and casts his eyes around the room. you know what i mean. anyway yeah that was my major comment.
another one is...its nice for when you start reading to be able to jump right into the actual story. i really like your conversation and characters (ed makes me smile...rowland too). so i was just thinking that it might be a better beginning (not that it wasn't good) if you took that first paragraph that you had and worked those details into the story instead of just stating it straight out at the beginning. or maybe put that in an author's note as a bit of background for it. i dono i just thought it might make a smoother beginning. it is a neat concept though.
anyway i'm moving onto the next chapter cause if not i'll never finish anything around here...i tend to take forever reviewing things. and then i read another chapter and want to say more lol. anyway i will finish this tonight.
| Lccorp2 chapter 6 . 9/25/2005
Archdemon Lord Duffikus:
Short yet sweet. Nice, just the way I like it.
And no, you're not wierd for that ritual...the dreams I have planned for Poor L'zul are much more twisted and worse.
| Barbados chapter 6 . 9/25/2005
WARNING: Spoilers in review. Heya. Good you hear from you again! As far as the heavy hinting, it came out as strongly as you thought, I think. With regards to chapter length, it wasn't overly short, I didn't feel. About as long as the first chapter :) There are some things I was interested in while reading this that might give you some insight, or... something. I wanted to know what the King Mikulas was saying when Ed answered automatically. (After all, it could be important... later, someone could say, "Remember when your father said such and such at the feast..." and Ed could be all "?" only, with words :) Another such part was during Ed's speach. Was he remembering his father's speach when he burned his hand? Was Ed reciting it word for word? Almost? That's the impression that I get. Just curious if that's the case, is all. Aside from that, you also did a good job of setting the grounds for some good intrigue here. We have Mishra all angry, and though I'm not entirely certain as to why, I'm sure it will be an issue in the future. Then there are, of course, the twins. Murderous looks... foreboding (foreshadowing?) And Rowland seems happy, and as such a potential ally amidst everything that could go wrong, but will it last forever? O... I just can't wait to find out! A great chapter girl, keep it up.
| beckka chapter 5 . 9/21/2005
Hey, I love the story so far. I think you don't really need anymore details about the world, poltics, etc... until the next chapter when he chooses his succesor. And all the other little storylines leading from that will give you plenty of time to put in extra little details about the world. I think. If you want you could put something interesting about the music during the know like the music's connection to culture or edwin or Jerome or who ever/whatever. I really like the story though.
| rrmehta364 chapter 5 . 9/20/2005
well, as far as details that would be nice are mostly random details. history would be nice but more important than the information itself is the way the information is presented. A world feels more real when all these details in an off hand manner. When for instance, a random soldier or mother mentions some war, that war feels much more real. give it little by little, i agree, but just give those little tid bits a little more often. i just used the word a little, four times in the last sentence. a little much dont you think.
| ice flyer chapter 3 . 9/17/2005
i really like your plot. it's so creative and unusual, and this development was good. it wasn't too long at all. the one thing i would suggest, just kind of scrolling through, is that you use a lot of subject-centered sentences. the reason for that is we haven't seen too much description yet..the sentence beginning with "The sun's last reddish hues lingered.." is really good description (though a little long) and I think if you incorporate more of that, it will be even better. good job :)
| Barbados chapter 5 . 9/17/2005
Hey! Finally! temblance beat me to first review though :( But anyway. Very nice chapter. I like how you handled Ed and Rowe being out alone. Not sure if it was plan from the beginning, but well done either way. Nice cliffhanger. I noticed no obvious errors, though was curious about a couple things. When describing the candelabra hanging from the ceiling, and the arms extending from the walls, how come you didn't use their proper names: chandelier and wall sconce? Your smiley is looking at me funny... kinda, sidelong, ya know? Hmm... Maybe you can write just a one paragraph chapter soon to let us know what happens? Look into it, ok? I don't wanna wait... :( but I will. :)
| temblance chapter 5 . 9/16/2005
it's totally ok to work everything in litle by little, I was just mentioning that it was fine as long as you include a little each chapter- I really like reading it that way. As for the type of detail, maybe a little more culture, thought It seems like right now you are doing a fine job of it, becuase I really liked this chapter- and you left us on a cliff! I want to know what happens!
I loved the exchange between the king and Ed, it was very realistic. I liked the style, so good job. And update soon, so we can find out who the successor is...
| temblance chapter 4 . 9/5/2005
Hey. In response to your authors note: I do like your other chapters better, but this one wasn't bad. If anything, I would like a little more detail about the world, but i do like how you are gradually working things in, instead of blatantly describing it all at once. I've been really busy lately too, so I totally understand. I look forward to more!
| rrmehta364 chapter 4 . 9/4/2005
probably not your best, but it isnt bad. Actually its still better than about 90% of what i read. I think you should probably find a way to tell us about the world. Still, id advise you to avoid positron speeches. You kno, someone explaining things that should be known by everyone.
| rrmehta364 chapter 3 . 9/4/2005
you defintaely dont need to cut back on the details. The unnesessary details are actually quite important because they make the world seem real. For instance, Tolkein had a ton of unnecessary details but it made LOTR all the better. As far as criticism, i find it hard to believe only edwin and rowe would be sent. Very good tho.
| rrmehta364 chapter 2 . 9/4/2005
the chapters weren't boring. I think its good we get to now our characters first. A lot of fics get to much caught up in the plot and forget about the characters driving them. Well, several CCs of this story. I dont think princes would be allowed to go out on their own. Even if the father was an amazing king, there'd be someone who lost power from his rule angry enough to kill or kidnap them. From a stylistic perspective, id like a little more detail. I dont really feel what the palace is like, nor do i feel the hustle of the city. Still, i like the story very much
| rrmehta364 chapter 1 . 9/4/2005
i like the interesting way everyone is presented. The brothers seem like normal siblings, which is nice. Chapter made me s mile.
| Lccorp2 chapter 4 . 9/4/2005
*Sips at Tortured Souls*
Good old hotheads. Love hotheads, use them every day to do my dirty work...might be able to use Ed, in the way your used him in this chapter...nice personality...a multi-facated one makes for better reading than a simple one...
A tad short...but it'll do...for now...