Woot, first reviewer for new chapter! Hope I didn't rush you :( I only have a bit of CC. In the garden description, when you are talking about vines climbing up various things, you end it with 'skies high above the garden.' Consider eliminating 'the garden.' Skies are, quite naturally, high above everything you see, and it also seemed to flow a little better in my head. The chapter doesn't feel hokey at all, although it admittedly doesn't feel as polished as the other three. We all have some chapters that stound out brilliantly, and some that are there to move things along, so no worries ;) Somehow, that winking smiley looks a tad sinister... Anyway, interesting developments among the characters. Now I'm even more curious to see how Wells figures into Ed's future! Keep it up, and don't worry, I'll be here when the next chapter arrives, whatever the date.

So, when I said tomorrow, I meant sometime in the near future :) But yay for a good chapter, I think. I thought you introduced a good mix of characters. I'm curious what dastardly deeds Mishra might take part in as Ed and Rowe grow up. Similarly, I'm curious as to what sort of assistance Wells and Grimes might offer. I get the feeling that at least one of these guys has a big role ahead. I thought the part about King Mikulas burning his hand on the scepter was great! I would totally dig Ed one day taking up the scepter, searing his hand, remember his father after he's restored the land from his evil twin bother's twisted rule! Or... you know, hitting one of them with it while it's hot would be cool too, searing the scepter in their head for them to always remember! Or... well, it's your story, but I'm pretty excited about it. 9/3, eh... two days... I'll be waiting :)

Harr.

Lord Duffikus the Devourer, Archdemon of the Demonic Planes:

My creator got wind of your bio through Barbados, and promptly sent me over to do a little scouting for good reading...smees I've found a little here.

You seem to have a good grasp of this small area around Grand Haven. That is good. Now expand this to include the whole of Valka, and eventually, the world. Know your world before you write, think about the details as you lie in bed, then jot them down, or even better, solidify them into short stories like my creator does.

I'm not sure where exactly the story is going-but that is good too. Keep me in suspense. No one but you should know the full picture till the end, keep the readers coming, drop by drop, leak by leak, cliffhanger by cliffhanger.

I'll keep an eye on this one here. Incidentally, there's a sweatshop on the Demonic Planes where we put good authors who never finish their works.

Your name is now stapled to one of the workbenches in there.

I really don't think that you are putting in unnecessary details- every little glimpse we get of your world is really nice insight. You have a good balance between dialogue and description. I think it was sad how Edwin got treated this chapter by Mishra, but you really convey Edwin's feeling of being misunderstood. great job on this chapter.

My agreement lies with the other reviewers. Not boring! I think you did a great job of portraying the twins' wickedness, and displeasantness, and is that even a word? Well, it matters not, the point is there. ::nods:: Anyway, I enjoy it. I'll read chapter three tomorrow, but I'm very very excited and interested. Oh, right, CC. I always forget when the stories are good and so well written... let's see, there must be something... oh, there! Man, this is so trivial I shouldn't even be pointing it out, but... On the line that starts "We won't be your messenger boys..." well, you see.. you forgot a period just... there, after 'it.' See? :P Bye!

A curious beginning. It's very well written, as I would expect from you :) Saw one spot where you missed an opening " but that's it. I like how everything feels real... the kings coughing fits, the fragile sibling rivalries and alliances, the imperfect characters. Your world is vivid, and... alive. I believe we've only scratched the surface of something that will be great!

no they're not boring, they're good! i like this kind of background info a lot better than chunky paragraphs that are horrible to get through. you give us info through dialogue and description..much better :) i like how a lot of people were casually mentioned and i'm sure they'll be important later, but you set up room for a lot of things. nice one :)

These chapters really aren't boring at all. The way I look at it, they are exposition setting the scene for the good stuff later on. You are characterizing each of them quite well.

Frederick's voice was almost as oily as his perfect hair-I love that line. It was probably my favorite this chapter.

There was one time when you didn't capitalize an I, but that's it.

I look forward to the next chapter!

Pretty good start at something big. Don't worry about the first two chapters being boring, I know how that can be. As you go on I'm sure your characters will take on traits and personailities of their own you didn't even plan on. Keep writing.

nice beginning! i like your writing style - it's straightforward and well-phrased. i like how edwin's feelings towards rowland are very realistic. good job! :)

Well, I can't exactly put a finger on it, but the summary really drew my interest to this. I liked the first chapter anyway. One thing is to separate the paragraphs when there's new dialogue, to break it up a little more. Otherwise, I look forward to reading more!