Reviews for serpentine serenading
august harlequin chapter 1 . 8/6/2006
"this attraction could prove to be detrimental to you (& her)"

"your lips quiver against the apple's skin & you let your mandibles sink within the s i n."

delicious
crinkled aster ribbon chapter 1 . 10/16/2005
aww sweet and beautiful. :D
simpleplan13 chapter 1 . 8/19/2005
very cool... love the format as always
Thorn's-girl chapter 1 . 8/15/2005
"For there is Eden in her." That line is so...perfect...that "perfect" is demeaning.
poetic abortion chapter 1 . 8/15/2005
the ending is what got me. yep, again your poetry reminds me of a siren. the portrayl of genesis through Adam's eyes is done so well. a beautiful insight to the whole thing, lovely in every way and increasingly seductive.

* noelle
LemonFlats chapter 1 . 8/15/2005
A very nice look at Genesis through Adam's eyes.

I really like your usage of parentheses, especially "an aura ((surrounding))", just because they look like they are surrounding the word. )

I love how you use uncommon words to describe ordinary things ("your lips / quiver against the apple's skin & you let your mandibles / sink within the s i n."). They really go far to keep the mood and to turn up the imagery.

Your stretching of the words ("s i n") emphasizes otherwise average terms, making the reader pause and think sometimes. This is good )

Sometimes the line breaks (is that what they're called? Stanza breaks? Oh, I don't know) don't really fit in ("her womanly (& curious) / ethos are so foreign"), but most of the time they put pauses where they should be.

I love your portrayal of Adam. Eve is somewhat different from the one that I know, but once I think about it, she's described perfectly.

You have beautiful imagery and use just the right words to create just the right mood. Brilliantly done )
GypsyMothra chapter 1 . 8/15/2005
Wonderful imagery. Fantastic. Great poem. It worked out great in the end. Flows nicely.
a moth in lace chapter 1 . 8/15/2005
This was great-I really love the twist and the colorful sentence structure and such. And I also really like that you describe it all from Adam's perspective, with a sort of dazey unknowing view of Eve and the apple and everything. "the Garden is but a distant reverie (now) & you / find yourself to be happier only after the dawn / of / sin. / Eve will forever be perfection in your eyes, / for there is Eden (in her)." The ending was absolutely delicious. I'm sure you got (or will get) an outstanding grade on this. Absolutely amazing piece.

-marie