Reviews for Hallowed be thy name
EPuppy chapter 1 . 9/13/2013
I love fics like thisss :3
Mythisea chapter 14 . 1/17/2013
I'm afraid I shall be echoing some other reviews when I say that I was less than impressed.

The story started of fine, but within the first few chapters, I felt like everything was starting to get jumbled. All the guys were jerks to Adrian, yet the set-up initially made me think they must all be interested. It didn't get any clearer from there as there were no clues as to where this was going (not even looking-back clues of "Oh, I should have seen this coming!") The entire set-up was leading to Wes and Adrian, and then out of nowhere, Derek & Wes come in and the Donalee magically reappears and is nice to Adrian after calling him names?

Not looking at just content, the story also very abruptly ended. I was getting read to click the "Next" page button so I could read about how these issues played out when I realized there wasn't one. It cut-off with an irrelevant line about Donalee, which would only be suiting if the story were about Adrian and Donalee; it wasn't though, it was about Wes and Adrian. In summary, the characters were all a bit bland, the plot jumped a bit too much, and then everything stopped too abruptly.

I believe I hit my main points; story just didn't mesh well ):
Naver chapter 14 . 1/6/2013
This story was great to read. Made me wonder about a few things... Is that really the end? I wish I knew what would happen between Donalee and Adrain. I love the characters and all of the great surprising twist. I'll make sure to check out your other stories too. This was amazing, really loved it. :)
Continue to write.
TheYaoiPrincess chapter 14 . 9/10/2012
GARRRR THAT WAS ADORABLE AND AMAZING! AND I'M SORRY I DIDN'T REVIEW ON THE OTHER CHAPTERS. I sorta was in school reading them and I couldn't review easily but I am very pissed about Derek telling everyone, I SO called that him and Wes were exs though! I love this story sooo much! Amazing writing, I swear it :D
TheYaoiPrincess chapter 9 . 9/9/2012
Fuck you Derek! Just when I was beginning to think you weren't to bad!
TheYaoiPrincess chapter 8 . 9/9/2012
Garrrr I love Tyson! Hot kinky threesome...I APPOROVE! :D
TheYaoiPrincess chapter 7 . 9/9/2012
TheYaoiPrincess chapter 6 . 9/9/2012
TheYaoiPrincess chapter 5 . 9/9/2012
AHHHH THAT WAS SEXY! But why'd he call him a slut?! Garrr! XD
TheYaoiPrincess chapter 4 . 9/9/2012
Hmmmm Donalee stealing the paper made me mad, but then the image of him tackling Adrian and straddling him made it alllllll better :D and stupid coach...
TheYaoiPrincess chapter 3 . 9/8/2012
Okay, this chapters kinda gonna make me cry just because I no what it's like to have some jackass person make fun of you. Okay, let me take some deep breaths. Phew, anyways AMAZING chapter :D I love it! Poor Adrian...but good Derek hmmm me thinks he likes Adrian :D
TheYaoiPrincess chapter 2 . 9/8/2012
Grrrrr I love this! It's so sexy and sweet and cute and I love all of Adrian's blushy moments :D And hmmm why is Derek being so nice? Could it be...POSSIBLE CLOSET GAY?! Well, I guess that's my hope speaking again, LOVE it! :D
NormaJean Beausoleil chapter 14 . 8/19/2012
good story. i love your twist on an cliched premise. great pacing.

i really wish there was little more donalee/adrian at the end. we need one more chapter to give it a conclusive feel.
LovelyLorelei chapter 14 . 6/29/2012
I'm extremely disappointed in this story. The plot got botched half-way through and fell apart by the end. The majority of the characters were shallow assholes and Adrian himself was quite a whiny little girl and and idiot.

Let's not forget the guys who blackmailed him, USED him, outed him as gay when they themselves were still in the closet, caused him to get beaten up, pretty much publicly humiliated him, threw out his ass like a dirty tissue when they got what they wanted, and then - after all that - acted like they were his best friends.

And he just forgave them.

After reading this, I wanted to slap every single last one of the characters for one reason or another. The only person I even remotely liked was the dad. Sure, he was homophobic, but he gave his kid porn when his wife was being a bitch and forbidding it. That's gotta count for something.

A few tips for future writing:

If a character is only going to be mentioned once or twice, don't put so much emphasis on them. The one teacher really didn't need so much description unless he was going to become important to the story or main character in some way. Truth be told, he didn't even need to be mentioned at all. It may sound callous, but really if a reader gets a long description about someone, it's expected that this person be involved later on. Otherwise we're just being fed useless information that's only distracting from the main plot and characters. This doubles for someone described as 'attractive' for the main character.

The setting very abruptly changed. The summary and first chapter lead me to believe that this would entirely be a church/religious story, and while that started off true, that aspect completely died out and it turned into a high school story. Sure, you can juggle settings - some store here, some church there, a bit of apartment, school, college, work, etc. - but important areas should stay important. Just like with characters, a place doesn't get so much description unless it's important. Church was the first thing introduced and then it was hardly mentioned again.

Of course, some authors take a different route than 'mention only important things' and mention everything, even things that are completely pointless, but they don't overload it. The random guy selling you a hotdog has a hairy mole on his lip. That girl has some nice legs but she could use a little less make-up on her face. Better avoid the piss pile on the way to the urinal. There's always some hardened gum stuck to the bottom of the desks. That obviously wouldn't work very well for this type of story; it's better suited for a slow pace and dry wit, but I just thought I'd mention it.

A person who is strongly religious - or even just raised that way - would not accept so readily that they were gay. There would be doubt and denial ("It's just a fluke" or "I just need to get laid"), avoidance ("I'll just not look at guys and force myself to look at girls"), self-loathing and disgust ("There's something wrong with me"), and a lot of other struggling before they finally accept it. And even then, it doesn't mean they would come out at all ("No one can know about this EVER"). Hell, even someone who wasn't raised on the idea that homosexuality was a sin would have some trouble with suddenly realising they were gay.

The tone and genres were misleading. I was expecting a budding romance between Adrian and Wes, and - like the setting - it changed very quickly. I'm sure it was meant to be a plot twist or something, but even twists give an indication of an upcoming turn, or early warning signs. It's like driving next to a steep cliff. With a slow pace, sharp turns are easy to deal with even if they've come out of nowhere. But with more speed, the turns are harder to take and you end up either slamming on your brakes to make it or you don't react quickly enough and run off the cliff to your death.

Lastly, and the main thing that made me upset as I feel very strongly about this, was that the two jerkwads were forgiven too easily. Blackmailing and outing someone else - even as a joke between straight friends - to a homophobic school is something that really should not be taken so lightly. I'm not even talking about ruining his reputation. Considering the hate crimes that go on, they put him in danger by doing that while they themselves were nice and safe in their closets, and even if they weren't, they still were better able to fend off anyone trying to beat them up. Adrian obviously wasn't and got hurt. He passed out and the jocks even made sure no one would be able to find him should he have needed serious medical treatment.

Sorry for all the long rants. I just felt like these were things that really needed to be said, even if your writing style has changed since you wrote this (five years is a long time). With the serious topics that came up, I empathised with Adrian - wanting to cry and getting angry at the people who hurt him - only to feel stupid in the end when they were completely waved off.

And one last thing (I swear it's the last); it's better for original fiction to use the term 'slash' rather than 'yaoi.' It's only my opinion though, as it sends out a more mature vibe in the summary. 'Yaoi' will even ward off some people who are sick of hearing Japanese terms in English.
allancaldera chapter 14 . 5/14/2012
I love west personality he was my favorite character by far good story.
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