|Reviews for Butterfly|
| nightshadow1 chapter 17 . 8/16/2006
Aww. The end made me smile. You did a good job with this story the only mistake I saw was a spelling error/typo of the word friend in.. either the second or third to last chapter. Good story.
| Agent Firefly chapter 4 . 7/6/2006
This chapter did a great job of intertwining the two stories, and it picks up the pace of the story as a whole. It definitely refreshed my attention span. Great introduction into Evondre's character, and I sympathize with Pieta's servantlike clinging to Erden. I think those two ought to fall in love. I'll see by the end, I suppose.
| Agent Firefly chapter 3 . 7/5/2006
I haven't finished reading this story yet, but I've enjoyed it so far. Your writing is very developed, making for clear ideas and a good read. I especially like the characters Pieta and Erden. They seem the most captivating, and their story is personally easier for me to follow than the historical/political type story that's beginning in Chapter Two. But that's just a matter of preference; I can tell that both stories are crucial to the plot. :) Looking forward to reading more of this, perhaps when it's not too late at night for me to focus!
| Captain Lucky chapter 4 . 6/12/2006
It's seems like this whole crippled thing is a real growing experience for Pieta. I feel for her though. Your descriptions are just amazing!
| Captain Lucky chapter 3 . 5/23/2006
Wow, I am loving this story! The names sound sort of Greek. "He took of his crown," I think you meant off, but I'm not sure. Anyway I am really liking this. * By the way, the queen's name, 'Mierposa' sounds a lot like 'Mariposa' which is Spanish for Butterfly. Coincidence?* )
| Captain Lucky chapter 2 . 5/20/2006
Oh, I am really liking this. I like the comparison of Erden and a tree. I get the feeling that Pieta is a really innocent person. I like that. I can't wait to see what happens next here...
*and thanx for the reviews!*
| Captain Lucky chapter 1 . 5/16/2006
I love this story so far. I intend to read the rest of it. It's reallys sad, but I really like your descriptions. "boasted such a sorrowful hue" was a really good one. I'm excited to see what happens next.
I'm not as good at reviews as you are, but thanx for reviewing mine. About the pov, when I typed it on my computer, I put stars or something b/t the changes, but I guess that didn't show up too well.
| Alankria chapter 17 . 5/4/2006
"and some in accordance with the delicate music that fled through the air unintrudingly." - Do you really mean to use the word 'fled'; it just seems somewhat out of place.
"At its far was a vacent spot for Pieta and Virgil, neither of which had yet appeared." - I think you mean 'At its far end..'
"But she shoudl be here presently - oh, I see her!" - 'shoudl' should be 'should'
"wiht the other she leaned upon her crutch." - 'wiht' should be 'with'
"and it streamed over her bent back like a cascade of midnihgt." - 'midnihgt' should be 'midnight'
"and a few small flowers hung from the tihgt coils." - 'tihgt' should be 'tight'
"She has dressed herself up for her minstrel," Evondre thought - It's more conventional to have thoughts in italics rather than inverted commas.
"I will miss you, dear – you were the closest to a sister I ever had" - Did they really have time to become that close? I can understand that they became close, but the 'closest to a sister' seems a little bit more than what I picked up from the rest of the story. Perhaps just cut out the bit in parenthesis.
"and without another word, the two girls met in a mutual embrace" - The use of the word 'girls' seems a bit odd there considering that Evondre is definitely a woman. I think you could say 'women' instead, as Pieta is really a woman now.
"His tiney nose twitched and she could feel the rythem of his gentle breathing as she pressed him her her breast." - should be 'tiny' instead of 'tiney', and I think you mean 'as she pressed him to her breast' or something like that.
"sending a comfortable feeling of delihgt through her." - 'delihgt' should be 'delight'
Of course Virgil doesn't care about your foot, silly girl! *grin* Well, it's over, and I'm certainly glad I took the time to read this. Pieta's story was very touching and I really felt that she grew throughout the story, and best of all she got a happy ending with the man she loves. The other characters were excellent too, especially Adam. I think my only complaint is that I didn't really feel very upset when Erden died; after he'd brought Pieta to Laertes and told him about Damon, he drifted to the sidelines. But that aside, I definitely enjoyed reading this and I'll be sure to follow your new story.
| Alankria chapter 16 . 5/4/2006
Yay! It's here! *reads*
"The voictory at Stonehold was but a minor step in the military ccomplishments still to be completed." - Two spelling errors here: 'voictory' should be 'victory', and 'ccomplishments' should be 'accomplishments'.
"The public’s faith in Laertes competenace was also now kindled." - Need an apostrophe after Laertes.
"When the company had come to stand upon the thereshold odf the palace" - 'odf' should be 'of'.
"and he had tearfully promised her that, those she had no mother" - 'those' should be 'though'
"even as they were on the point of torturing her before we invaded Stonehold." - Has she told them this? Otherwise, how would they know?
Aw, that was such a nice chapter, it really made me smile. I'm glad everyone's going to be happy. Only one more to go...
| Alankria chapter 16 . 5/3/2006
Still hasn't changed...
| Alankria chapter 16 . 5/2/2006
You've accidentally put chapter 11 in place of this chapter... so obviously I can't read further until you put the right chapter back. *twitch* Please sort it out today, please, so I can finish this story. Now that I'm so close to the end and all.
| Alankria chapter 15 . 5/2/2006
"Her hands were soft and cool and ever" - Do you mean 'as ever'?
“Damon was killed by a stray arrow, the arrow of one of his own men,” - That seems kind of, I don't know, such an easy way to dispatch of him. I know the story is chiefly about Pieta, but I think it would have benefitted from a battle chapter, including a more dramatic death for Damon and showing Erden's death.
Aww, nice ending there. I'm glad he's alive, though I do wonder why he was in the dungeon.
| Alankria chapter 14 . 5/2/2006
Back once more...
"Pieta limped alongside the guards who thus ordered her to follow." - I don't think you need the 'thus' in that sentence. It seems somehow out of place.
" outside noises reached Pieta’s ears." - This bit doesn't seem to fit with the rest of the sentence it's in.
"A graceful limb, as pale a blue as the river itself," - I thought you just described the river as being grey.
Interesting chapter. I especially like the description of the river and woodland creatures.
| Katiefoolery chapter 1 . 5/1/2006
I felt so quiet and solemn as I was reading this first chapter. Your writing flows beautifully and allows your readers to feel the pain and beauty of Pieta's memories. You have very much engaged my interest in this story!
| Alankria chapter 13 . 5/1/2006
Revision should be burnt, then mashed to a pulp and finally weed on by a smelly dog. This is what my friend and I have concluded. So I'm going to read more of this because it's far more fun. *grins*
"Laetrtes’ face muscles were tense and his voice hoarse" - Oops, spelling mistake there on Laertes.
“And she knows them all,” Adam added dryly. “Little did we attempt to hide from her.” - Fools!
"Adam and Laertes spoke to each other inundertones." - Two words fused together there. Gotta love Quick Edit.
I like how you show the differences between Laertes and Adam in their reactions to Pieta's capture - though Adam cares about the girl he is concerned about the military ramifications of her capture, whereas Laertes is more (though not totally) concerned with her emotional wellbeing. It seems right: a king should be compassionate and his military leaders should be the militarily-minded ones.
In response to your review: (1) The reason I don't want it to be M is because when you go into any section on ficpress, you have a change the settings to see M rated stories. Though I rarely go into any sections (they're filled with rubbish - I find most people through other people), I always forget to change the settings and I'm worried that other people would be the same, meaning that they simply wouldn't see the story. (2) Beltino's life expectancy is about 90 years, maybe more, even though he's not living in the greatest conditions. Other people, for instance those on the planet Carrenei, could live healthily over 100 years. Falnec, coming from that society, wouldn't see 40 as particularly old; and as that bit was in his POV, it's his opinion. Sort of. If the life expectancy of Damon is fairly long, then feel free to ignore my comment. (3) Your final exam? Does that mean you're on summer holidays now? If so, hurrah for you!