Reviews for Butterfly
ice flyer chapter 14 . 12/17/2005
Cool ending, I like the cliffhanger. Honestly I can't predict what'll happen to her, so good job on your part. Loved the description of the water people but I had a little suggestion. You never really touch on the fact that Pieta's world is "magic" - I don't think there were many passages that stood out that let me know that such things exist in her world. I would include something to show that in Pieta's world there are water beings, maybe show she has an affinity for them or something before...

If Erden isn't such a main character, my suggestion would be to take him out of your final drafts. Maybe have Adam pick her up from being a slave or something instead. He's just someone who seems like he should have more of a role, since he's Pieta's rescuer..

But anyways! Three chapters left, yay, more than 2! lol :)
Count of Casualty chapter 13 . 12/13/2005
Another excellent chapter from Phoebe! Can't to find out what happens next! :D
J. N. Laerasyn chapter 13 . 12/11/2005
Adam. Defintatly Adam. He's blunt and goes straight to the point, but he's also very compasionate at heart. He's cool. :-)

Just a few things: What does the word, "wheedle" mean? It's kind of a cool word... lol

Also, the sentnce that contains, "those who flew the arrow at the scout..." gets a little confusing gramar-wise... perhaps it was meant to be something like, "those who fled the scout's arrows..."?

I loved how you develpoed the relationship between Laertes and Evondre- the sibling afection is just so cute! :-) You have developed both those characters quite well. However, I think you have been sort of neglecting Erden... does he have any more of a major part to play yet?

That's about it... if I havent metnioned it before, thankyou so much for not making this story cliche at all... it really says alot for you as a writer.

Well, that's all I can think of for now... waiting patiently (sort of)...
Tsumujikaze no Soujutsu chapter 13 . 12/11/2005
Ok, so I get it. I guess the story's coming to an end soon, huh? Anyway, thanks for your reply. Now on with the review. Well, nothing about Pieta, but it's another good chapter as well. I like the interaction here. It's very well done and says a lot about everybody's concern about Pieta. I wonder what you have in store for the future chapters since I guess the story's pretty towards the end now. Anyway, keep on updating!
SliversofSilverPain chapter 13 . 12/10/2005
can I just ask something? when you get this published (cause it's definitly that good) can you tell me, and get some sent over to Australia? please?
ice flyer chapter 13 . 12/10/2005
Good chapter. I like the inclusion of the "butterfly" scene and am very sad it's coming to an end!

The section beginning with "Adam and Laertes spoke to each other in an undertone" isn't very well-transitioned, probably just stick in some more context like how long after the previous conversation it is or something.

"Laertes shared Evondre’s heart for compassion and caring for people as individuals, though all the warfare and kingly duties he had recently been bombarded with stifled it." Great sentiment but awkwardly worded. We kind of lose "what" is stifled becuase it's such a long sentence..

Anyways, nice ending to the chapter. I would have liked to see more of Adam's feelings about Pieta, maybe. He's a little bit of a shadowed character still, and I wonder how he actually feels about Pieta's kidnapping? well, perhaps you left us in the dark on purpose. Good job!
Count of Casualty chapter 12 . 12/9/2005
Oh, wow, this was far from dull! I loved it, wonderful job as usual! :D
Kat-Renee Kittel chapter 1 . 12/5/2005
Beautiful and sad first chapter, but oh so lovingly written.

Can't wait to read more.

Katie. ..
J. N. Laerasyn chapter 12 . 12/3/2005
Too philosophical? Is there such a thing? lol. Anyway, I loved this chapter. I nearly cried when Piets tried to dance... I guess somewhere in the back of my mind I have been thinking that if she would just try, she could learn to dance again... ,aybe there's still hope. It was very philosophical, but it was great. It is also very, very itriguing that Damon seems to be developing a soft spot for Pieta- you showed that very well, instead of just telling us it was happening. I am so intereseted to see where you go with all of this...

I only found a few things I wanted to mention: first of all, in the second paragraph, you use the phrase "playing over in her mind (in different form twice a little too close together. It's not a big deal by any means; just a pet peave of mine. Thought I'd mention it. The only other thing really is this sentence: " It was incredulous that such a thing could have such an effect on him"- I'm not positive, but I don't think the word "incredulous" is being used correctly here. People can be incerdulous (disbelieving) about something, but I dont think you can say "it" is incredulous... Sorry to nitpick, but that's really all I can find. You also hit enter It think a few times when you should'nt have, but I'm sure those were just typing errors. Keep writing, I will be waiting for more.
Tsumujikaze no Soujutsu chapter 12 . 12/3/2005
Hi there!It's me again! Well, good to review this again. Anyway, I'll have to say that this chapter is the centre of all emotions possible within a human being. Simply put, this is a chapter which reflects the emotions of the characters far more stronger than the previous ones and also served to put in some unexpected twists in character development, especially Damon. I guess all the readers thought that he was a heartless SOB where in fact, he does have a humane side which was portrayed here. I'll have to say that this is a very good shot in character development. Now I really wonder whether Damon would really have Pieta tortured especially since for some reason to your own, his heart started to waver... guess I'll have to wait for now...

P.S: Just a question: what is actually your estimation of the story's entire length right to the finish? Cuz I did have an odd feeling that this story could be pretty short. Around ten plus chapters or so to me.

Additional P.S: Wonder if you've received the alerts. Yeah, I did put up a new story. I know about your reviewing principles and I admit I put it to M due to the language used there. But still, I hope that you won't mind the language used there and gave me a review on that one. If you have any issues to rise or any questions concerning the story, feel free to inform me in any means. Thanks!
ice flyer chapter 12 . 12/2/2005
NIce chapter. I like the human side of Damon - very realistic. Pieta's thoughts in this were very natural and beautifully written.

"She would stay as strong as Adam had admonished her to [stay]" you need to complete this with "stay"..

"A song from the throat of a little lame slave girl, dusky and sweet-lipped, who, if useless for anything else, could conceivably be put to use for her master’s pleasure.." Lovely description,the dusky part..but this paragraph was a little scattered...That sentence doesn't relate to the next statement or the one before and the entire paragraph seemed a little disorganized.

Well, the one thing that bugged me was that his.."transition" or maybe I should say, his "humanization" was too fast. One little song, and he's thinking all compassionately? I dunno, it doesn't ring all that true. I did like the idea a lot, but I think it should be drawn out more. Maybe have him unable to identify his feelings, dismiss them, and have Pieta effect him more as time goes on - this kind of thought process would probably be more realistic for someone who undoubtedly has tortured many prisoners.

WEll, anyways. I did like it, and Pieta's part was perfectly in character. It's sad but heartening to see how she tries to be brave. Good job, you write about human nature with easy skill. :)
fire-breathing-kitten chapter 1 . 12/2/2005
Wow. Sounded kind of cliche at first, judging by the summary, but it's very beautifully written, which definitely makes up for how typical the plot might turn out to be (I'm only on ch.1...).
Islandbreeze chapter 12 . 12/2/2005
Pieta's feelings seem very authentic, and not forced as a character, but just the normal feelings of a person in her situation, if that makes any sense. And it sounds like something is there with Adam, so that should develop into something interesting too.

"At a sharp movement, however, it twisted her leg in the wrong direction,"- this sounds a little weird with the 'At a' and the 'it'...maybe just 'A sharp movement. however, twisted her leg'...

Aw, it's so sad she can't dance, and the song that she sings is just lovely. You definitely made Damon's reaction very nice, not corny, but the emotion you put into his conflicting thoughts was great, and the conversation with the guardsman was well done as well. Nice chapter, I'm glad you updated!
rrmehta364 chapter 11 . 11/29/2005
dont worry about confusing plots. theyre a bit harder to read on ficpress just because you have to wait for updates. Anyways, I would like to hug you for not having stereotypical evil bad guy #3464324364. really, Damon has a brain and he uses it. Awesome, that little bit overshadowed any minor mistake since i was figuratively dancing for joy. good job and i look forward to reading more.
Count of Casualty chapter 11 . 11/28/2005
*hugs* Wow, you're such an awesome writer! You deserve all the best reviews! :D
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