Reviews for Plums
LovelySocks chapter 1 . 6/29/2012
Heartbreaking. The last stanza is so beautiful but also painful. There's a depth to your writing that I can't quite describe, though it oddly feels simple as well. I can feel the longing as you write, and understand the heartbreak of this boy/girl over the person they feel they don't deserve to have. I just love the lines "for once I had made something instead of breaking them" even though I think "them" should be changed to "it" instead. Oveall, "Plums" is positively beautiful.
EliMerriman chapter 1 . 1/8/2010
A very, very well written poem. the imagery and the meaning go hand in hand and are both present throughout the poem, while having seperate identities (as opposed to having pure symbolism). The last bit, under the line, however, I do not particularly like. It seems to disrupt the flow of the poem, and to reiterate something that has already been conveyed (in the first stanza).
lookingwest chapter 1 . 12/20/2009
I liked your use of an extended metaphor here with the entire plum tree analogy and also the way that you extend that double meaning into the "made something/instead of breaking them" concerning relationships-I liked all of this of course because it gives the poem not only sensory images but also maturity.

Again, I also like how you wisely broke up this poem, the verses are very blunt, and make me feel tense, and then at the end you take the tenseness and you really transpose it to sarcasm, in my opinion, by again executing the use of the parentheses with "(precious)" and "(won't)"-I like it because it all comes off as kind of bitter, and not very sweet at all-complete opposite from a plum.

from the review marathon (link in my profile)
steffxnie chapter 1 . 9/7/2009
This is amazing!

The use of parenthesis is really good.

Sorry for my incapability to write reviews so I am just going to show how much I enjoyed it by adding this to my favorites!
tonight we bloom chapter 1 . 7/30/2009
When I was first on your page, immediately I thought "HOW DO YOU GET SO MANY REVIEWS?"

but after reading this piece, it became clear to me.

You are an amazing poet.

This piece is so beautiful, entwined with beautiful images and wonderful words and emotions, the use of parenthesis throughout is breathtaking as is the winter motif. Everything was just perfect.

I would love opinions on my work from a talented writer like yourself. It would really mean a lot.
this wild abyss chapter 1 . 7/9/2009
Once again, your use of the parenthases is great. It really adds to the depth of the story. I like the last two lines a bunch, they really make you wonder about other things outside the poem, like what made them fall out of love exactly? The flow for this was pretty good, a seamless product. The imagery about the tree and relationships was cool. I like how it wasn't your typical summer love, but a winter one. That's definately not the norm and adds something fresh. Great work.
Larrikin Jones chapter 1 . 5/24/2009
This is quite touching, however sometimes the brackets seem to void the imagery, maybe better to leave it implied, but that's just something I prefer in writing.
Solade chapter 1 . 3/22/2009
Hey! Thanks for the review!

I like the imagery and metaphor you used in the first part about the leaves falling from trees compared to a relationship. I do agree with you though on the last part below the line, it's good just missing something. Maybe a line between "precious heart" and "because I don't" would even out the tone and rhyme scheme. Great job and keep it up!

Lilja Ruusu chapter 1 . 1/19/2009
I liked this one alot, and i can see why its one of your favorites! I liked the verse 2 the best!
Lorki chapter 1 . 8/3/2008
Second Marathon prize

kay, so once again I cannot critique poetry at all. All in all I love this. At first I was going to ask if the parenthesis were really necessary (because there were none in the second bit but plenty in the first and in the bit under the line) but I think I understand them now and totally love the way you use them. Theres nothing stylistically or in the writing that I feel any need to correct. But I do wonder, why the line? I think the bit under it works just fine.

blue-dan chapter 1 . 7/21/2008
Definitely my favourite so far, it gives me the shivers. I like the length too, longer than the others I've read.
dragonflydreamer chapter 1 . 6/9/2008
Freebie review. Sorry so late.

I like your idea for this one. It's an interesting memory to remember that his lips tasted like plums. It seems like it's the little things that people remember the most, though, so it makes this very realistic.

I like your use of parentheses. It seemed like any time you used something metaphorical, you would clarify with the literal meaning in parentheses. I think it really suits your character.

The main concrit I have is your lack of an actual summary. You have amazing work, but to anyone who isn't familiar with it, the title "Plums" and this summary wouldn't be very likely to get him/her to read.

Great job as always! (I'm really running out of closings, aren't I?)
lymli chapter 1 . 6/3/2008
there are summer loves, but when I read this, I thought about a winter love, it's not heartbroken, it's sweet, like a childish love.
evellesque chapter 1 . 3/12/2008
Oh, I really just love this one...especially the first two parts, they were really sweet.
Captain Lucky chapter 1 . 3/8/2008
You said this was one of your favorites, so I thought I'd give it a try. I really like it. It's sad, but still endearing.


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