|Reviews for Reunion|
| Clodhopper chapter 5 . 8/24/2005
I will be reviewing as I read:
Chapter 1: first thing with the dialogue, it should be "Goodbye, Annie," he whispered - the commas are misplaced in yours. be careful of making the dialogue feel too corny - it's a very endearing moment otherwise! that so sad...ten years and she's still all he can think of...so much for a "see you later." i cant help but wonder if she is thinking of him as well? how long did they try to keep in contact for? does she still feel for him - deep down? i will find out i guess
Chapter 2: Should be: "Hello, everyone, I guess..." maybe before she starts speaking again have her clear her mind or throat or mention some kind of regathering of thoughts or give a small stutter to the start of her next sentence. make it have a natural flow. gorgeous and dangerous? thats an interesting combo. why dangerous? i dont like Janice either...
Chapter 3: Should be "Hey, Ryan, I saw ..." I would like some more description in this chapter. it was mostly dialogue and not enough of he 5 senses if that makes any sense at all. short chappies - thats not bad but not much seems to happen in them.
Chapter 4: who is the father of Cole? missing a period after the second "bye." i'd actually like to meet the son.
Chapter 5: Mom should be in caps with commas surrounding it since she's being addressed directly. no worries about pace, its important that we understand their history as long as all of the history your giving us is someway important. my biggest CC, if you dont mind, is more details. the speaking got more natural as the chapters went on.
| pianogal chapter 5 . 8/24/2005
i think the story is going along fine. this chapter was great because it gave some background information into Annie's life story. can't wait for more!
| theeighthhouse chapter 4 . 8/23/2005
i love this story and all, but i think each chapter isn't interesting enough because you only cover a little bit instead of something juicy.
| MolestAPeanut chapter 4 . 8/23/2005
Hmm. oO Is Cole Ryan's son? I guess I won't know til you update. :) Interesting story.
| pianogal chapter 4 . 8/23/2005
evil laughing is perfect for you because you are being so...well, evil! nah, just kidding. the suspense really is going to kill me though. it makes the story good but...damn, i want to know! can't wait to read more soon.
| E. Nieto chapter 3 . 8/22/2005
awesome start, i really like your writing style and your character development is most excellent (lol) update soon!
| I can't believe it's over chapter 3 . 8/22/2005
IT IS HIS BABY! I KNEW IT! *dances in seat* go me go me :)
aneways AWESOME STORY! im looking forward to the next chapter! SO HURRY UP!
| I can't believe it's over chapter 2 . 8/22/2005
OMG! ITS HIS BABY ISN'T IT? OMG! *hyperventalates* so glad there's another chapter for me to read!
thanks for all the reviews! you really made me feel better about my writing :)
| pianogal chapter 3 . 8/22/2005
WOW! she was being quite the tease, wasn't she? hmm, i still can't wait to learn more about there past. they seem to have quite an interesting history together. more please?
| llamasrok chapter 1 . 8/22/2005
| pianogal chapter 2 . 8/21/2005
great start! i'm sure it will get even better when all of Annie's secrets start pouring out. it seems to me like she might have a few. i can't wait to read more.
| I can't believe it's over chapter 1 . 8/21/2005
VERY VERY VERY GOOD! ican't wait to read the next chpater! omg so hurry up! keep writing :)