Reviews for All Girls School
Koneko's Heart chapter 2 . 12/9/2005
This chapter was, admittedly, slightly confusing, as it took me a moment to realize that it was set in the past. However, I absolutely loved the way the dynamics between each character was set up.
Koneko's Heart chapter 1 . 12/8/2005
I enjoyed this first chapter. I tend to believe in reviewing every chapter, as that is the way something is presented, so it is likely that I will be leaving feedback for each chapter as I read. Anyway, I adored the little touches you gave to each character - from Gabrielle and the apron comments, to Ms. Madson's choice in music. Poor Lilian and her dream comment! She seems so much like one of those kids that comes from those rich, cold homes. ["No, you will not. It’s just like Yoda says-either you will or you will not."] This line made me smile - I'm an admitted Star Wars geek and this was just grin-worthy. Although it's only the first chapter, Blake's ADD seems very well-handled. I have it myself and you've written it well, without going over-the-top.
You're My Fucking Delight chapter 3 . 11/30/2005
AH! I love your story but... my head's spinning!

There's too many characters, different stories, no main plot, there isn't even a bona fide protagonist!

I'm no critic ( God, i'm hardly considered mature) but readers do get weary, it's bad enough to have ten main characters, try like... a shitload of them!

I haven't read much, i don't know if i can even gather enough strength to continue reading. It's frustrating, more than anything, I fail to see what direction the story's going! ( i might just be stupid, who knows?)

but hell, i'd kill to write as well as you do! You're one kick ass writer! but this story calls for too much effort on the readers part. HOW D'YA EXPECT US TO REMEMBER EVERYTHING OR FOLLOW ON? TOO MUCH INFO! I get the same head ache from what's happening in this story with what's happening with my grades! ( Fs, by the way, which is not cool. not cool at all.)

Anyway, to sum it up I guess i'm trying to say that this story's pretty much everywhere. It's scattered all over the place. You're a great fucking writer but this story is just exasperating.
You're My Fucking Delight chapter 1 . 11/29/2005
Yup, i'm going to say it.

first chap. and i'm HOOKED!
ThEiNfAmOuSfAgHaG chapter 1 . 9/2/2005
Hey, this story seems pretty good so far, but it seems like it will be confusing in future chapters, due to the fact that there is no focus on any particular character, with the exception of the teacher, who still does not seem like a protagonist. Given your summary, and the first chapter, I take it that 'Sapphic overtones' is referring to Sappho of Lesbos? Why not just say Lesbian overtones, or femmeslash or f/f romance or something of the like? It seems like a slighty obscure reference to those uneducated in the matter, and for all the reader knows, you could be referring to your particular style of writing. Um, sorry. Anyhow, this seems like it's pretty good, but I think you should have it focus on just one of the girls, or have sections in the POV of a few different girls(not the whole class)so that the story doesn't seem so crazy. Anywho, good luck, and sorry for all the rambling
deedle-um chapter 5 . 8/30/2005
Skimmed through two chapters. There are way too many lesbians to be realistic, and with the writer announcing himself as a guy? Well at least you aren't trying to hide it.

Are you sure these fantasies are meant to be shared?

deedle-um chapter 3 . 8/30/2005
Chapters two and three:This really needs some editing. What comes where?

Is the second chapter about the day *before* the day in chapter one? Then in chapter three we meet some new characters we've never met before?Then jump back in time? Well, at least this is announced.

Your'e good at making up characters and you know how to string words , if you want readers, if you want them to take this story seriously and not start skimming at chapter three or something, then you need to take your readers in a serious way too. And start stringing the parts together so the reader can follow.

Will try to look up the next chapter or two too. At least. (And this started out so well!)
deedle-um chapter 1 . 8/30/2005
Chapter 1:Fine, funny, clearly defined characters. (Let's see if you can keep the style!)

On the troublesome side, you introduce a whole lot of characters at once. When the real story starts, it's difficult to remember who is who just by like I need a shortlist here. Or at least clear descriptions of the characters for the first few chapters.

Next chappie!
Islandgyal2004 chapter 3 . 8/22/2005
Hey cool story, so far. I wish you would have updated like one or two chapters per day, because your chapers are quite long.
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