|Reviews for In The Eyes Of God|
| Fabian Beswick chapter 8 . 7/27/2007
I recognized "Thus Spoke Zarathustra" towards the begining, darn me and my penchant for reading about Nietzche on Wikipedia...
I want to read that sometime, wonder where I could get a copy in the philosophy-deprived part of the world I live in?...
| Edcrab chapter 17 . 7/1/2006
Gah, it's been so long that I had to start from the beginning to refresh my memory- fortunately that was quite enjoyable!
I do like this setting, and it seems like you're setting up some complicated villians (i.e., they're not one-goal "must destroy mankind!" types with no thinking processes). For some reason, I found the whole "technosphere" concept to be very clever, too... a kind of ecosystem which isn't actually biological like we always assume.
Only question is... well... what's up with the Wanderers? They seemed awfully eager to explain their technologies, so I suspect they've got a trick up their sleeves!
| P-123456789 chapter 1 . 6/28/2006
The Wanderer concept was a little confusing at first, but I got the hang of it eventually. The whole idea of this crazed religion and double motives really fascinates me. I also like the down to earth sensibility your writing has.
| Alaneer chapter 14 . 6/22/2006
Hi, I had a little time so I decided to read another chapter.
Fascinating concept, this Theater of Pain is. How abot making a Theater of Joy to balance it?
Good job, as always. *_*
| Alaneer chapter 13 . 6/17/2006
Hm, interesting way to give info. I might try the use of chatroom too, it makes things simpler.
| Arkash chapter 12 . 6/3/2006
Hiya, I'm back. It will take me time to catch up with all your stories, but I'll start with this one.
The paragraph starting with: "Hello?..." and the following one both have the dialigue tag "protested". It's repetiotious.
Oh, it's Sophia?
"Just then, a small section..." In here you describe her appearance, which is good, but olive conplexion and olive skin is the same thing. Take out one or the other.
I'm intrigued by these Astral Travelers.
I'm not sure you're using the term, "Xenogenesis" correctly. It means the genesis of Human and alien, sort of hybridization, but really the atrificial creation of a new species from two different one. Is that what you mean?
Very interesting developments. Keep up the good work.
| Alankria chapter 15 . 6/1/2006
Heya, reading and reviewing as I go.
"The remaining two support beams, unable to handle the combined loading." - This is an unformed sentence. It feels like it should be tagged onto something else. Or, you could replace the comma with 'were' and it would be alright (though putting passive tense into something irks me slightly.) Your call.
"It was less than a minute before Sato Eukara was pulled down to a secure bunker under the street level." - Just a stylistic thing here, but you use 'was' twice in this sentence which I feel weakens it. Perhaps say: "In less than a minute, () pulled Sato Eukara down to a secure bunker well under street level." The brackets will be replaced by whoever did the pulling, as it's not clear to me. I added 'well' because, to me, a bunker is generally below street level; adding the 'well' allows you to say that without stating the obvious. All of this is just my opinion, so feel free to do what you want.
"A military officer entered, the Consul’s room." - Don't need that comma.
Hmm, I think replacing 'said' with 'mentioned' doesn't really flow as well as it could, especially when you say 'mentioned' so many times. While replacing 'said' with alternatives is good when done well, in this case I think it's working against you. Mentioned just sounds too passive to me; I think 'said' would, in these cases, be better.
"It is different than guns, planes, or bombs." - Do you mean so say "It is no different..." Because that's what it sounds like the Mommy is saying.
Very interesting chapter. I wonder, though, why was the Consul immediately sceptical about Rhea's intelligence? Unless there has previously been some suspicion about her motives/actions (which I've forgotten cuz I'm not reading this in one go as I would a published novel), then some more explanation is required. Heck, I find it sometimes useful to slip in little reminders of things like this, especially because on FP people read stuff as it's updated. After the Consul says that he is very suspicious of any info that Rhea provides, you could still in a comment like "He remembered when such-and-such thing she did." Anyway, other than that, a good chapter. Update soon!
| Edcrab chapter 15 . 5/28/2006
I don't know how to describe this- it's not necessarily *darker* than some of your other works (after all MoTM had some very unpleasant torture!) it just reads as being more... well, serious.
The pre-chapter quotations are a nice touch- gives it a kind of historic feel, as if it's a real account rather than pure fiction... either way it's quite brilliant, as usual- the dialogue excels but it doesn't dominate, which is a good thing as I'm a fan of your descriptions!
The plot threads are as solid as ever, and although I'm feeling a little baffled you just know they're going to build up to something incredible... I only wish I'd got round to reading this earlier. But hey, it's only taken me a few months!
| Alankria chapter 14 . 5/17/2006
Interesting insight into the characters. I wonder what the Voice hopes to achieve by giving Joel access to the Theatre of Pain.
| Alankria chapter 13 . 5/8/2006
Interesting, very interesting indeed.
| Edcrab chapter 4 . 4/25/2006
Hmm, nice succinct chapters but hey, I'm a slow reader. Yet another thing to keep my eye on...
I'm turning into a right Harron fanboy now :o
| Alankria chapter 12 . 4/23/2006
I wonder, if Sophia translated the stuff so easily before this chapter, how come it took others so long to translate? Good chapter, bringing together some of the characters and showing the interesting history of this planet. I particularly like how the genetic diversity works. Update soon!
| Alankria chapter 11 . 3/13/2006
Nice exciting chapter there! And now I've read this through, so you have to update soon.
| Alankria chapter 10 . 3/13/2006
Very interesting. Can't really say more than that *smiles*, except I do like your dialogue scenes. They're also very intriguing.
| Alankria chapter 9 . 3/13/2006
In the penultimate paragraph, you call Sophia 'Agatha'. Threw me for a moment there. I can't wait to find out what they'll discover in the translations.