|Reviews for Revolution|
| SliversofSilverPain chapter 1 . 9/15/2005
Sweet! I like your sruff! very cool! good concepts! very sweet, kinda dark and jsut cool!
| Nobody-n-Particular chapter 1 . 9/3/2005
Great motivation in this, I feel stirrings.
| mizu no kokoro chapter 1 . 9/1/2005
haa but it's not always about ambition, i hope
| dog-eared hanyou chapter 1 . 9/1/2005
It sorta sounds like a very important speech a leader would say. It sounds all powerful and demanding and stuff. Cool.
| Kakyou Takashiro chapter 1 . 8/31/2005
okay. let's get this out of the way so i don't have to stick this in the middle of the review and it will be a little effective. YOU ARE IMPROVING! in fact, i think you've have become a great deal more understanding of your own style, especially with the heroic verses and all. however, i think i'm beginning to grow tired of all these complimentary reviews, when i think you truly know yourself, you aren't doing the greatest job in the world. and i even more strongly dislike reviews that grant compliment without reason. not even some analysis... i mean if people like being nice and telling whtie lies at least analyze the good parts. as i will do right now, the prose or at least the fluidity of the poem isn't a problem. in fact it's always been a part of your style, whatever it may be that your words flows. the purpose for which you write your poems are clear and intent... although. that's where i stop. and from here on... is an actual review!to begin, let me just say that i'm not pissed or disappointed or even... slightly digusted. i enjoyed reading this poem, as much as you enjoying hearing the truth, and so here it is: your poem... lacks at heart passion. i can say this because i know you as a writer, and as friend. lets take it apart stanza by stanza. your first lines convey the feelings that condescend the audience. for one, it's an altruistic and iealistic view. although none of those are a problem, its the fact that you use a great deal of cliche phrases that make absolutely no connection to each other. mind the comma splices, and the grammatical errors of the poem, the first lines make no deeper impression than words taken at face value. it's very blunt, and very ineffective writing. your entire stanza could be replaced a single word, and yet you phrase it elobrately... and incite this image of a revolution, which if words had the ability to incite the heart of such passion in people, then truly why was poe hilter? idealistic as i said, but the way in which you present it lacks essence, and above all principle which is what bothered me the most. and then you expand that notion. the following stanzas i will incoorperate the same anaylsis... as a lack of essence, principle, and passion. now i think i will target the core of the this poem. your words... they seem to be wasteful. i think what bothered me the most was your philosophy behind this poem. and by stating your philosophy in this matter, quite frankly made you look rather unintelligent and rather posing. you tried to connect two ideas, yourself and the assertion that you are trying to become better at writing, and constantly fighting the forces that oppress the written art, and the idea that the word can conquer all. the two don't really coorelate, and come out very high sounding and very posing. of course, i don't mean to insult or accuse you at all, the intentions of this poem are very comely. however, i will write the final part of this review from a sources other than mine, whom will all remain anonymous. very vague language. lack of connection. things you should work on, conveying two ideas at the same time, lack of description, as to what part of the world and what kind of revolution, what kind kind of greed, purpose, etc. and logical falacies with greed to ambition. the common thought is ambition to greed. hard to understand. lacking meaning. so and so course i have to add this at the end so i don't seem like a complete jerk. this review was in no intention as a flame. and i think you've had enough good reviews, so this won't harm your ego that much. with all said and all this much read... plain and simple and advice from the reader. don't put yourself in a position to express what you cannot, and don't put yourself in a position that makes you different from who you are. don't confuse passion with purpose, and don't confuse eloquence with forceful words. and finally, don't confuse the power of words, to the power of the lack of words. silence is a much greater weapon than speech, and with that, the vagueness of your words don't add to the silence in the audience, but rather, confusion, dissent, and quite possibly a comforting review from who might be confused, or at teh very least not fully understanding what is beneath all but five words: words can change the world. which... basically what your entire poem tried to describe, and much to the disappointment of the reader failed to convey. however, with all that said. i expect nothing less. and if you have any objections or complaints. you know how to find me.i will add in conclusion. no read is ever unenjoyable. so at least for that much, i am in your debt. thank you.
| simpleplan13 chapter 1 . 8/31/2005
amen to that
| Angel Underneath chapter 1 . 8/31/2005
I love this. Its not just about my writing its about everything to me, my art, my life. For awhile i just sat here thinking about everything because of your poem and thats great!
| Moonjava chapter 1 . 8/30/2005
I highly agree. Well put.
| AllyCred chapter 1 . 8/30/2005
i like it...i think everyone on this site strives to become a better writer, me definitely being one of them...well done this is really good. lots of love AllyCred
| ambiguityy chapter 1 . 8/30/2005
powerful. I loved this.
| KonekOniko chapter 1 . 8/29/2005
I definately like this piece, it's a real inspiration. Writers everywhere salute you, lol.
| GypsyMothra chapter 1 . 8/29/2005
Great poem. Truly wonderful. Inspiring to all those who write.
| poetic abortion chapter 1 . 8/29/2005
this was so amazing add-san! I praise your skills with the pen and in this beloved craft, you get better each and everytime and soon you will reach perfection if you haven't already. a lovely poem I think.