Reviews for Fading Maiden
Kristina Suko chapter 1 . 1/6/2006
I loved it. The imagery is beautiful!A few suggestions:"Long eyelashes curled upon her pale cheeks, her face was a placid lake of serenity, her white lips opened..." insert a semicolon where the commas are. [I think that way it would be punctually correct.]"...her white lips opened earnestly so to release the emotions so deeply felt in the song..." replace one of the "so"s, it reads kinda weird with both of them there. [you could actually delete one or both of them]"... and her eyelids opened to reveal two snowy orbs, with a single crystalline tear..." I don't think you need a comma between that."The woman slowly began to fade, until only the tear drop remained..." you don't need the comma there either, and "tear drop" is one word."Where the drop kissed the stone, a single white aster..." again, no comma needed. Sorry to pick it apart so... I don't mean to sound nitpicky, just trying to be helpful. Thanks for this beautiful paragraph!
aaidenkae chapter 1 . 12/28/2005
this was really lovely. i loved it.-kae
Pheobe Meryll chapter 1 . 11/28/2005
Very intense descriptions. My first suggestion would be to work on the grammar - a lot of run-ons and all, but I'm not sure how that applies to something like this. You have talant, keep it up.
Searching4Truth chapter 1 . 9/3/2005
Wow, that was so poetic and beautifully written. The imagery was amazing. Keep writing, you're really good! :-)