Reviews for The Obsession with Jack
rrmehta364 chapter 5 . 11/6/2005
are crisps british for chips. thereve been several times british slang has confused me. the fight between cleo and her dad had this sort of surreal feel to it. i dont know, but i struggled to believe it. well, here comes the jack fellow. i wonder what hes like. good job and im looking forward reading more.
rrmehta364 chapter 4 . 11/6/2005
wow, this is really weird. change genders and id be quite like Rosie. anyways, i really liked this chapter. really reminds me of conversations with old friends who had grown up more than i did. nothing to comment on, except for the shere brilliance of your writing.
rrmehta364 chapter 3 . 11/6/2005
all the people seem fairly realistic. i can imagine all of them, though cleo seems a little too stereotypically evil. and her dad seems a little too stereotypically boorish. still, theres plenty of space for me to read on, and so i will. good so far, and dont understand commas, colons and semicolons either.
rrmehta364 chapter 2 . 11/6/2005
awesome chapter. i was afraid i would have to read a story about a weirdo. i guess another nice thing is the protagonist seems to be at my general level of weirdness, which is always nice. great use of sarcasm, however the sentence, "I’ve been Rosie from the womb." confused me. i think thats all my cc, and i hope to read more.
rrmehta364 chapter 1 . 11/6/2005
very well done. this is one of the first time i branch out of fantasy, my reviews arent based with even the little expertise i have there. anyways, the voice is very interesitng. you sound both both sarcastic yet sympathetic simultaneously which is difficult to do. i wonder what drove her to try suicide, and i guess ill have to read on to find out. my only negative is a bit of advice for the future. not saying you didnt, but you ought to do a bit of reasearch over suicidic people. what drives them, and stuff like that so you dont portray your character wrong. yes, thats about it. good job and i look forward to reading mre.
Alteng chapter 6 . 10/31/2005
Okay, I am now caught up! Tillie is most definately a strange little piece. I was wondering her connection with the band indeed, and that would be just too coincuidental indeed. Srill it is strange that she has even heard of the band altogether. Oh well, until the next chapter.
Alteng chapter 5 . 10/31/2005
Well, the owner might love an artist named Jack. Hey, I've got the hots for Tilo Wolfe of Lacrimosa . . . I told you I know a lot of music no one else listens to . . .

You know, Rosie would be just better off going to that party anyway just to get away from the chaos of home. Cleo is really a bitch, and dad is not exactly a mature piece either.
Alteng chapter 4 . 10/31/2005
Well, I don't really get what the "Monkey Funk" is, but I do have a dirty mind. I agree with Rosie's friend about the transvestite song. The first thought that came to my mind was "The Rocky Horror Picture Show".

Oh, and I am really a bummer at parties, too. I don't know how to fit in, and usually people end up feeling sorry for me and try to get me to blend in. It doesn't really work.
Alteng chapter 3 . 10/31/2005
Rosie's dad's description is quite vivid indeed, but I understand Rosie's feelings there. My mom gets what I am talking about. Of course, I don't know the difference between a Mp3 player and an Ipod. Don't own either one. Maybe I am a bit out of the times.

I don't know the Macarena. Okay, I am way out of things, but I do know some Queen.
Alteng chapter 2 . 10/31/2005
Okay, so, i took a month off. I am finally getting back to reading and reviewing the stuff stuffed in my email box!

I don't know, Tom is an intriguing little fellow. And i kind of have his taste in music. Most of the bands I listen to you have never heard of either. So, is Egburt2 a band you made up. They sound punk. Oh, and I know the "Fish Heads" song, too.

I am not so sure how I feel about Rosie. I do know that bit about spacing out quite a bit. I spe4nd a lot of time in La-la Land.

Cleo seems to be a pain.
pinkfluffyoranges chapter 2 . 10/24/2005
Im so confused, your prologue is really an epilogue as you go back in time? And did you make eggburt up? i kinda liek the lyrics i would love to hear it this story is good but its a bit depressing so i think you should try to lighten it up a bit.
Pheobe Meryll chapter 3 . 10/19/2005
There are teenyboppers, and then there are teenyboppers in denial - GREAT LINE.

I know that painful and disgusting things are written for a reason, and I know that everything shouldn't be happy and fluffy, but the descriptions of her father got pretty painful after awhile. Really painful. Of course this is just a comment, not nesicarily CC. But you want to make it readable.

The chat room was fun. Again I like your stream-of-conciousness style. I'll be back!
Something Uncertain chapter 6 . 10/15/2005
Tillie's very emotional. Did she know Jack? I guess I'll have to wait or something, ha. Anyway, great chapter. I liked the song at the top, I thought it was really cool. Update soon, and I hope you feel better!
Pheobe Meryll chapter 2 . 10/14/2005
Oh, do I get imaginary chocolate too? hehe

Hmm, the song was very interesting. You had a nice rythem to it, and I always like that aspect. The mp3 player certainly has some interesting songs on it. Prolly the kind of thing you'd find in my friend Jesse's ipod if you ever ventured upon it.

I liked this chappie, too. The style's really great. Your characterization of Cleo was good...I wonder how much she'll come in later? I could feel the tense relationship between the sisters. Well done.

"I don’t know why, but I’m always quieter than ever during car journeys." This sentance sounded awkward for some reason. It's a total nitpick, but maybe it was the "than ever"...?

"I love the way that my property and I were so well-respected." You switched tenses...

I've gotta go now but I promise I'll return soon. I'd love to see how this story turns out.
Pheobe Meryll chapter 1 . 10/14/2005
Wow, this is really good! I wasn't sure if it would peak my interest at first because it's not the sort of thing I normally read, but it definatley has. I love the way we're inside a mind, and the story is kind of a stream-of-conciousness. Your writing is also excellent. I found one itsy-bitsy grammar misshap,

"The TV is at the end of the bed; fixed on Wimbledon because I can’t be bothered to change it." The semicolon shouldn't be there. a comma would do.

I find it intruiging that Rosie refers to herself as a "statistic" - I'm guessing she tried to commit suicide or something? Never mind guessing...I'll just meander onto the next chappie. Kudos!
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