For a while there I was reminded of the Red Hott Chili Peppers...not sure why. But this is good; one comment for betterment? Add some punctuation. It helps the flow, and in the case of this poem it would define it. There are some iffy spots, and a few periods, semi-colons, commas: the like could help those spots. Thanks for the review!

lol, i like it, its fast, and its good.

Woah! Well that was interesting. 'But' is a wonderful cliche i thought. Anyway, this poem is great, the short lines letting yo imagine as you read line by line. Keep up the good work!

Cheers, Dani