Reviews for New Moon
Maddie Fyrce chapter 2 . 8/26/2006
I love it! Your detail is so incredible. It makes me majorly jealous. I like the plot so far. I wish I had time to read the rest right this moment! But I'll be back! Keep it up! This rocks way too much. -Maddie
Maddie Fyrce chapter 1 . 8/24/2006
OMG! Love it so far! I need to read the next chapters ASAP, but my mom is forcing me to go grocery shopping now -grumbles-. Adding to my faves! -Maddie
Casey Drake chapter 5 . 2/24/2006
I'm interested. This concept is... while not exactly entirely original, the way you portray it IS. I like Eliza. And Niveus is amusing.

:) CD
Araceli chapter 3 . 12/22/2005
I really really enjoy reading the way you describe things..I don't know exactly how to explain it in english fashion (i'm part asian..spare me please) but it is sweet..? The way you describe is rather angelic like..yeah that's what I mean lol! But um..Your Prologue is in Third person if I remember? and you switched to first..?I don't know if that's really very wise because..um..I don't know i've heard from people that it's confusing? Or just not correct I belive. But anyway I just found a few Grammer Mistake (that I can remember at least)

- Supposed to be "he" I was staring at me wearily, though the fear was starting to abate.

His features were angular, but hansom (handsome not hansom hehe), and he was muscled, well built, and his skin had a golden sheen, like he was carved from bronze.

Good goshers you're a wiccan? o.o haha shweetness Would you ever so mind me having to come to you for questions about Wiccans? o. I myself am starting a story about Wiccan's/ Pagans which I know very VERY little about...Anyway Please continue and update soon please? it's rare that i find a story that I become addicted to on Fictionpress. Mucho Grasias .
rose b chapter 4 . 10/25/2005
your chapter have gotton longer and cooler!
rose b chapter 3 . 10/25/2005
yay! soo cool!
rose b chapter 2 . 10/25/2005
your so cool!
rose b chapter 1 . 10/25/2005
I love you!
Ayala28 chapter 4 . 10/21/2005
i think it's a great story. keep going! i'm actually kinda hooked on it, lol
Emmanuel K. Quartey chapter 1 . 10/21/2005
I will begin by saying that I liked the overall tone, it had a seriousness authors normally don't bother with on fictionpress. Now to the other part. Please keep in mind that opinions are very subjective, and I may very well be wrong but...The downs for me were, firstly, too many "capital" words (the Observer, Transformation, Becoming); it allows others to lump ypur story with the cliche group too easily. Secondly, while description is helpful, it seems that there is a bit too much colour. After a while, the story loses its 'novel' feel and becomes more like an anime movie.

Hope I've been of help.
ladymoonstar chapter 4 . 10/12/2005
btw, bound(binding) i think you mean that it is in the sense that you have a limit on your magickal abilities. i am also wiccan, and i hope that's what you meant, sorry if it's not.
rose b chapter 3 . 10/12/2005
HI! i could just say this to you cinsidering the fact that your one computer away but...

heres your review, now where's my sweets?

nice job, you do know what ichor really is though right?
Eyetk chapter 1 . 10/10/2005
Okay-dokey! Very...odd, but, hey. Odd is good. Also, interesting switch with from third-person to first-person, and well done with seperating it with a line break. Too many people don't seperate it when they switch, and then it just gets all confusing.

Atra's a hunk, eh? Woot!

Hmm. Fix the capitals in the summary? Some seem to be deliberate, I know, but...why does 'that' need to be capitalized? This seems to carry over into the prologue.

Not sure, but I think this is a sentence fragment..actually, yes, I am fairly sure:

'First purple, then blue, gray, green, now yellow, then blue, purple and blue again, almost to fast to see, then finally it parts.'

Third paragraph: 'She was plump and curvy, “not at all like wraith-like stick figure like most of the woman of today.” The Observer thought...'

This ought to be: 'She was plump and curvy, 'not at all like wraith-like stick figure like most of the woman of today,' the Observer thought...'

Yeah, this crops up a couple of other times. Hmm! Okay, I'ma going to provide you a few links to what I mean, instead of writing it all out here:

(The second link is for my other CC that I have for you.)

. ?storyid1942775&chapter7

(Mainly the section on the grammar of speech for the above link.)

. ?storyid1942775&chapter3

- Eyetk
Iron Pyrate chapter 3 . 10/8/2005
Very interesting story line so far. I like the capitals on some words, and I thought you had tried to do that before you said so. Please update soon.
rose b chapter 1 . 10/7/2005
try to make it longer. even if you have to combine two chapters... belive me, thats painful.
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