|Reviews for Red Haze on a Summer Sky|
| SheridanSpence chapter 1 . 12/10/2007
I love "Paper Wings" - its insightful and moving. Great use of striking imagery. Well done.
| Pheobe Meryll chapter 4 . 9/16/2005
If her mother is going to see her dead body, she must be comparitively young. So..."the old makes way for the new" doesn't really apply here? Nevertheless, this was a good piece; I like how you told a story so simply through her eyes. Teribly sad...
| Pheobe Meryll chapter 3 . 9/16/2005
Short and to the point. I find rhyming, especially with short pieces, often can bring out the point better... But still,a very unique thought as it is, so kudos.
| Pheobe Meryll chapter 2 . 9/16/2005
This was really sad in an almost dull, melencholy way. Didn't like it the way I did the last one, but gee you sure know how to get things on paper.
| Pheobe Meryll chapter 1 . 9/16/2005
Wow, I really, really love the imagery in this. "mirrors in an empty hall/ reflect no one" was a really memorable line. I don't quite understand the bitterness of the situation, but the emotion of the poem swept me up anyway.
| The Penny chapter 1 . 9/16/2005
PoemCommentsPaper WingsI think you could do with a better title.
Fly on the ebbing windTill dawn the banshee cryAcross a pigment of red sunWatching the haunting figureOf the coal-wrapped timbre of lifeSlowly fading awayDecisions to be made; wills to be drawnMirrors in an empty hallReflect no onecoal-wrapped timbre is a nicephrase. Watching the hauntingfigure, Slowly fading away /Decisions to be made; [...] Mirrors inan empty hall / Reflect no one allsound a bit cliche (no keypad; can't addaccent).
Dormant in the garden is aLong-forgotten roseEncased in its roots the secretsOf a story long forgottenBrush off the dustAnd you will find the tomb of a loveAnd the burial of a hateI like your juxtaposition of love andhate, but again-secrets,story long forgotten sound cliche.
Nothing existsEverything fadesI think you could cut these lines outcompletely. They add unnecessaryexaggeration, and sound like somethingyou'd find in a gAwTh~ poem :( Sorry.
The last of them left on the morning trainPacked suitcases filled withUseless treasures; a bit of safety forThe harsh timesGrim faced, tired, wornThey push into the futureTo forget the pastHolding hands—what comfort would it bring?Hollow, desperate faced, tired, worn is kindof redundant after you've mentioned theharsh times. I like this stanza the mostout of all of them.
The stems of a vine crawl upThe mahogany banisterI don't like the fact that there are two"The"s, both capitalised, one rightafter the other.
Bah, I'll do the rest later. Just a general note: it's easy to fall into the trap of cliches. Try to stay away; it tends to degrade poems when used in melancholy ones.
I hope this HTML doesn't screw up.
PS. I live for giving harsh critique, so don't mind the tone of this. ;D
| Shadowed Mind chapter 1 . 9/16/2005
Amazing imagery, just wonderful. And the last two lines had a massive impact on the poem. keep writing always. all my love, shadowed mind