|Reviews for Coffee At Midnight|
| cornered.sensations chapter 1 . 2/9/2006
I really liked this, it flowed well and I like how you connect the past and future together at midnight using coffee. good work
| Needa S chapter 1 . 1/30/2006
Hm...interesting. Thanks for the Nice review pn my piece Blue.
| guardiangaia chapter 1 . 10/8/2005
Nice and short. I really like it.
| Indigo-Andie chapter 1 . 10/5/2005
i think its supposed to be simple..some people can over- describe...you need heat at night, but when we have the light of day the comfort isn't necessarily needed- what a beautiful companion...hm i like it...
| angie3838 chapter 1 . 9/21/2005
I like the parallel between the coffee getting cold and the night coming on, getting cool as well. This is a great image and I think you should try to incorporate it more into the piece.
In the third line, it should be "thoughts" not "thots", and what is up with the random "/" in the last line?
I like how each line ends with either "coffee" or "midnight."
Try working on not using cliches. For some examples: "hot" How hot? Are we talking burn in eternity hot? or long summer day hot? Or maybe just sticky hot like you're in a room with 100 people wearing a jacket and there's no air conditioning? Try to show us how hot it is, how strong the coffee is: don't just tell us! Maybe you had to sip your coffee at first because it was so hot, then you could write "I puckered my lips after I took the first sip of my freshly roasted coffee"...
Also: "textured" tells us NOTHING about the ceramic mug. Is it textured like old wallpaper? Or maybe you run your finger across the mug and it feels like aluminum foil, or going against the grain on a piece of wood. There are millions of textures in the world, so try to show us what kind of texture it is. Maybe the artist wasn't very good, and so the texture is lumpy. Or maybe they were very good, and the mug is multi-colored and you can't feel the lines where the color changes. It's these little things that really bring people into a poem and keep them there, and it's the stuff of great works.
"Alone in solitude" is redundant.
I think what would help you a lot is if you tried to rewrite this, and instead of using works like "alone" and "dark" and "hot, you really tried describing each of these things at length. How are you alone? You could be alone in your bedroom, drinking coffee looking out your window. Or maybe you're at a coffeeshop, with your headphones on, but still alone. How dark is the night? Can you not see anything outside? Is there no moon shining?
This is a good start. Keep writing and reading: the more you write and read, the better you'll become. :)
| Living4HimRU chapter 1 . 9/21/2005
Hey you commented on my story, so I came to see what you had written. And let me tell you... I'm impressed! I read more than just this one story.. I'm commenting on this but meaning it for all of them. You a GREAT writer! Me like! :)
| SassyLil'Thunderstorm chapter 1 . 9/20/2005
lol nice...i'm a new freashman in college and coffee is definetely something wonderful and a lifesaver...haven't had to use it yet but its in the back of my mind as something to help me if i needed it lol...
| eighteen hundred chapter 1 . 9/17/2005
Yeah, I think this rewrite better than the other one I reviewed. A lot of good description hre, and nicely handled flow, et cetera. Nice piece here.
| dooley creel chapter 1 . 9/17/2005
Hi, Very cool, beautiful, also seems like something translated into English from another langue because of the way you allow your words to fall. You drink coffee at midnight? Impressive.
Were you the one who wanted to have a cup of coffee at the cafe in the Fiction Press Hotel? The cups there are crusty, but the strong old coffee is probably an effective antiseptic. I think you'd be safe, maybe... dc
| Bunnie09 chapter 1 . 9/17/2005
This poem is great. I really am a coffee lover, and I love what you have done to explain it in this poem. It really stands out, compared to other poems I have read! Please R&R some of my poetry. Thank you! Sayonara, and hope to hear from you!