|Reviews for goodbye kiss|
| Aneliz Rei chapter 1 . 8/9/2006
well executed enjambment (can never spell that word) and rhyme, but I think there are one too many metaphores/similes in the first stanza - they all work pretty well (except "powdered butter") but its just too much - rather, they bring attention to themselves, and that weakens the poem. Still I really like the piece and would be interested in seeing it reworked.
| oops heartbreak chapter 1 . 4/20/2006
It's so pretty and beautiful. Powerful too.
| les petits bateaux chapter 1 . 12/16/2005
A very colourful imagery entwined with sorrow. Excellent.
| AchtungBabyAchtung chapter 1 . 10/28/2005
flicked the smokey shreds of hairout her electric eyes and whispered
reads really well, love the imagery. And the way the back refrences make it deeper. iz x
| EmbersAblaze-IgnitedIcicle chapter 1 . 10/25/2005
...I just had a feel that it was wet and dusky out like after a huge stormy rain.
Mais non, that is not written.
So great unique flair here, as well as the dramatic elements:"her footsteps echoing off the cobblestones in her rush to forget me"Is wow like a foggy alleyway in a historic city, or an actual European narrow street still in cobblestone. I can hear the noise it does make. And her strangely quick gait I can see. I have a faint impression left of that rush to forget.
I actually stopped at that line, and then my mind stayed there until now.
Good good job. There are many things I like in this...
| pale doll chapter 1 . 10/16/2005
Wow, I really like this. I love your word choice, it makes the poem so vivdly painted. I love this line: "but i saw the tears sequined ontoher eyelashes ( golden like our firstsunset )" that just haunts me. This is so beautiful, you did an amazing job.
And thank you so much for the review on my poem, it really brightened my day )
ps - I'm adding you to my favourite authors list
| Gilee7 chapter 1 . 10/11/2005
Once again, amazing imagery. That seems to be the highlight of your poems. You put all these really vivid images in my mind as I read your writing. Very un-cliche and original. The powdered butter line is probably my favorite. So perfect.
| Nobody-n-Particular chapter 1 . 10/9/2005
Very nice, it flows well.
| Chandra-Moon chapter 1 . 10/8/2005
this girl is lucky to have you. this is a beautiful poem...i wish I had a boyfriend who wrote me (good) writing.
| ACCOUNT NO LONGER ACTIVE 1 chapter 1 . 10/4/2005
Wow, that was really amazing and captivating. Beaitufl descriptions. I especially loved the lines "flicked the smokey shreds of hair/ out of her electric eyes and whispered". Beautiful.
| Devidedistand chapter 1 . 10/4/2005
Wow I like the subtle rhyming that seems almost too random to be accidental. Great. You like to write about love don't you? Lol. My least favorite topic! But you pull it off nicely.
| poetic abortion chapter 1 . 10/2/2005
gorgeous. you have such a way with words. ;)
| Faithless Juliet chapter 1 . 10/2/2005
I got such a powerful image of snowfall in this; I don't know if that had anything to do with your inspirations for this, but I vividly saw all of this happening when it was snowing. Its that cold freeze that makes you feel child like and venerable again. Wonderful piece, keep up the good work.
| HellHeartedlyBent chapter 1 . 9/29/2005
wow...so crazy...good job...loved it
| simpleplan13 chapter 1 . 9/28/2005
this is a lot less abstract than a lot of your stuff, but it's still amazing.. i would kill to write like that.. tehy way you describe such a simple thing like a goodbye.. is just aweinspiring