|Reviews for Bubble Gum|
| Chris Conway chapter 2 . 5/13/2006
The first was good, but the second one's ending seemed a bit formulaic compared to the first...she gives a one-line revelation, that kind of thing.
Yakuza are cool. I read a book saying they send their bosses the tips of their pinkies if they make a mistake.
| Ice and Snow chapter 2 . 12/26/2005
There's something about this chapter...that seems TOO similar to the first chapter. It needs...variety. But it is only the beginning, so it can slide...for now.
Expect fabulous work from you!
| Ice and Snow chapter 1 . 12/25/2005
chapter one has a lot of good background details and it's not too much to totally give it away too. a lot of ethnic information too.
it seems fresh.
| Chi Ame chapter 2 . 12/25/2005
Uh oh... that doesn't sound good at all. You really do like cliffhangers, don't you? Hehe. That's okay. I like them too. 'Cause I'm masochistic like that. Anyway, I see a definite improvement on this chapter, I find that I have to know what happens (you'll update, right?). So here I wait!
I've got posted up to chapter 5, if you'd like to read on in my story.
| Chi Ame chapter 1 . 12/25/2005
Aw, poor Tetsu. I have a feeling that this kind of thing happens to him a lot. He seems a little too oblivious, maybe. Story is interesting, definitely something new and different for me. I always appreciate that.
| Aku no Otaku chapter 2 . 12/24/2005
good storyline so far hope ya add another twist next chapter
| dog-eared hanyou chapter 2 . 10/2/2005
You really like cliffhangers... Good chapter, better than the last, I think. And Tsukasa has now been introduced. _;;
| ViciousMan chapter 2 . 9/30/2005
After reading Takashiro's review, I wonder if establishing dialogue to show why Ayane is feeling sad is a good idea.
People tend to feel sympathy for characters that are in bad situations after they have been introduced to the character and they like him or her.
| Kakyou Takashiro chapter 2 . 9/30/2005
its duely that i review this one now. the idea isn't a bad one. i can't say that i fully understand the reasoning behind this whole story, but i'm not one to question such sorts. no of course, you duely deserve your review. i'll spare the "nice job" "without adieu" and various other cordial standings from a regular review, as you have asked me to be blunt, and very duely to you. for starters. the change of pace was rather sudden, however, i will have to say that chapter two's pacing a little better than the first chapter. although you do have a lot of characters in the story that just seem to pop up. without their recognition, which may confuse the readers. i believe then it is termed that the story is still progressing a little too fast. not so much the plot, but the character insertions. i enjoy the idea of it being a yakuza based fic, but i don't think you need to italic the terms, as many of us who read the story will know, and if we don't, the author should address... going back the same with your point is about the detail. although you tend to use quite a lot of adjectives, i would suggest reading over your work and see if you can solely from the words grasp a sense of character in your characters. all of your characters seem very placid... and very... 2d almost. they don't seem to have defining attributes other than the physical. and your descriptions only tend to throw us off, as ayane is protrayed as a darkly figure then crying... although it's not say such things cannot happen, its just that i don't believe you established a good character psycho-background in order for us to follow the dialogue tends to be choppy, and the scene jumps seem to lack purpose... some scenes could've been done without, and the romance so early on seems to be a little too melodramatic. however, putting all that aside. this story does have potential, which i think you will delight in hearing. it wasn't at all a boring or disgusting read, it was quite enjoyable... simply the many flaws that contribute to the over all sense of the story... makes the story feel as if it lacking something... some substance of passion that connects all these great ideas and eloquent plot into a "story."expecting nothing less...
| KonekOniko chapter 2 . 9/29/2005
I liked this, there's quite a difference between this and the first chapter. Though, I think some of the details were a bit overdone, that's fine with me, but some people get fed up by the third adjective, if you know what I mean. Oh well, I liked this, though at some parts it seemed rather...choppy, I suppose you could say. Ah well, well done. -
| poetic abortion chapter 2 . 9/29/2005
great chapter. though a little fast, don't you think? ;) hmm, a bit of work I'd say in descriptions.
| dog-eared hanyou chapter 1 . 9/29/2005
O_o Wow! That's quite a surprise ending. I guess this would be the first story I've read of yours since I've only seen poems so far. It's cool! I'll definitely be looking forward to more!
| ViciousMan chapter 1 . 9/28/2005
Yeah, I like how the final statement is the "cliffhanger" of the chapter.
Also, wouldn't Itsuki refer to Tetsuya as "Tetsuya-chan" if he is "casual" and has been friends with Tetsuya for awhile? Or is Itsuki formal?
| Unknown Unnamed chapter 1 . 9/26/2005
I'm slightly confused. Is she like a whore or something?
*shrugs* Just a shot in the dark...
Anyways... the beginning was full of beautiful description, but this is not a poem. It is a story. You must keep things going, no matter how beautiful your words are. The whole "I undressed her with my eyes" thing... slightly creepy. Other than that, a good story. I'm sure it'll get better once I'm done being confused and there's a bit more to read.
| Aku no Otaku chapter 1 . 9/25/2005
So...you asked for an honest opinion. I know it will be a really good story for some other girl that loves romance and all that craps. But I hate it Seriously, I'm cursed against all romance story. Like everytime something happens, someone kiss, I start to curse them...And if something bad did happen to them I say "Thank god!" ._.