|Reviews for The I of the Hurricane|
| Orual chapter 1 . 4/28/2008
First person from the storm's point of view-much better than first person from the person's point of view. Good call there.
On the whole, I enjoyed this poem. It flowed and rhymed very nicely, and you have some piquent phrases. However, there is a certain vagueness about it, like you aren't really writing about a hurricane, but about something symbolic. That's fine, of course, but I would prefer the symbol be more complete. You focus on the storm's power, the victim's subsequent weakness, and the memory of the storm, but there aren't any concrete details. You mention thunder and lightening and fire, but there is no imagery or action. I think this poem would be more powerful if the storm repeated itself a little less and actually destroyed things.
And just so you know, you can single space a poem by pushing 'control' 'enter' It was a red-letter day of my life when I discovered that trick. :)
| phsyco killer lover chapter 1 . 4/24/2008
it is good and very metiforical i take it? i love it
| CrypticCorpse chapter 1 . 3/30/2008
great job. I loved how you made it as though you were the actual storm. I wasn't so sure I liked how you changed the rhyme scheme after the first stanza though. Other than that great job!
| Rock Music is my Muse chapter 1 . 3/27/2008
Beautiful. You captured the scene perfectly.
| xilaberry101 chapter 1 . 3/25/2008
Hm... ok. I like it, I can see you put a lot of time and work into it, and it shows, but I do have a few comments. First, I don't think the rhyme works very well. Generally (so nothing against you) it takes a really great poet to make rhymes seem natural. Some of yours work, but in general I think just getting rid of rhymes all together would be better.(Some of the better ones are former glory and horror story and my soul and my toll. Rumbling your world and dangers unfurled seem particularly forced.) I also think so repeat the line i stand alone in the storm a little too much. I think some repetition is great, but you use it too much. Maybe a second line that you repeat would be better, and you could cut out a few of the alone in the storms. I just don't think the line 'I love no one' works. I don't think it fits with the rest of the poem and it seems like its a different style, so i think something else would be better there, but I'm not quite sure what. I'd have to think on it for awhile. I was wondering if you have a beta? if you don't I would recommend getting one. One who knows their poetry and loves it, and can help you more with your content then editing, which you have down pat. Once again, it was lovely and evocative, just think about what i said. Good luck and keep writing.
| Rose of Granuaile chapter 1 . 4/3/2006
This is so beautifully worded, I'm sorry it took me until now to read it. Such a tragic story, and the beautiful intricacy of your writing never ceases to amaze. I do hope that you know, you are not alone in this storm. Brava! Brava! Bravessima!
| Simple Chaos chapter 1 . 9/23/2005
Wow is all I can say. This sows great imagery and can be taken several ways. I especially like the fact that although the storm is gone the havoc still remains.