|Reviews for Finding Home|
| Just-a-little-note chapter 1 . 3/4/2006
Hi. I do agree, this story is nice. But i would also agree it would be better in a poem form. Also, i think you have too many flashbacks all jumbled together if you will, so it's rather confusing when you jump from her childhood to her school experience back to her room (or wherever she may be). If you focus more at the story at hand, and sprinkle in the flashbacks to tell what her life is like instead of chuck them in, the story would be more flowing.
of course, putting it in poem form you could split it up by stanzas.
| fairEtales chapter 1 . 12/25/2005
This is interesting. To me, I think that it sounds more like a poem than a story. It is really good though. Maybe you should consider writing more?~Ms. Suess
| chrnoskitty chapter 1 . 12/6/2005
I can relate! This is a wonderfully written piece..I'm reviewing because you reviewed me (Meri Kurismasu!) and I'd like to say that I've never read the Given, and if I get time I may do it in a full-blown story
But, thats enough about me. I am in total awe of this story! I hope you do more stories soon, until then keep up the spectacular work!
| poet tree chapter 1 . 12/2/2005
This is splendid. It's like a little prolouge to a longer story. (Which is a hint that you should write more.) Good job.
| The Deacon chapter 1 . 10/27/2005
Very emotional. Your internalizations are excellent. I love when people write the way they think without letting all the flamboyant descriptions and abstract wordiness get in the way. You have some technical issues (tense shifts and what-not) and there are a few sentences (mainly the descriptive bits) that come off sounding a little clunky. But then, who doesn't have those problems? All in all, I think you have great potential and encourage you to continue writing.
| LJL chapter 1 . 9/26/2005
That was something. There are some really, really strong feelings here, but I got the sense, from your narration, that this might have seen better life as a long, narrative poem rather than as prose. Still, it radiates that deeply angsty passion that is the mark of someone who's actually channelling their emotions into what they're writing. Good work. Keep writing.