|Reviews for Xion|
| not dead-only dreaming chapter 1 . 6/20/2006
*big hug* guess who
amazing, my friend
you never cease to amaze me
| Alan Ball chapter 3 . 4/16/2006
Well written, perfectly intriguing.
*checks favourites box*
Will watch with feverish abandon.
| Hawk Raskenark chapter 1 . 9/29/2005
Amazing. Simply amazing. The writing is top-notch, some of the best stuff I have seen here on Fictionpress.
| Novthoniel chapter 1 . 9/28/2005
ultra cool first chapter. Really like your writing style and iddea, write more soon!
| Zeronova chapter 1 . 9/28/2005
Well, I must say...this is a first in my time at FictionPress. A well written, well concieved, and interesting plot, compounded by good grammar, style, pacing, and dialogue, marred by virutally no errors. Commend yourself, friend.
Onto the review. First and foremost, I find this story heavily Blade Runner inspired. Not to say that's bad, since it's definitely a great well to draw from. You've done a lot in this one chapter some people never do in entire stories. You've shown two characters, a history, as well as elements of a world, all in a small space. Your references to companies, gun modifications, differences in vehicles, and liquor times, all substantiate a very good, realistic, and different world thn we know. Your characters also portray a great deal of depth, for their time. Being angry at cliches hurts the job, as well as the monologue that KRath had against Bridges was charismatic, and the conclusion (tricking him).
It leaves a lot to want though. Namely, more. This snippet leaves questions about the nature of the previous job, why he murdered Birdges (more than just getting wrong info, come on), and a bit of a lack of verisimilitude. HOw did Krath get in, if it's security locked? Wouldn't KRath have left DNA or traces in giving tickets?
Regardless, I am 100% impressed. You have such depth, both in showing this world you manufactured through small details and references for me to commend this as a snippet to look at on how to subtly incoroporate and build a world in sci-fi or fantasy without ever labelling details about it. It gives off a great Blade RUnner feel, and I hope to see more in the future. Congratulations, you're the first to recieve a good review from me on Fiction Press, but still, this story has one major flaw. There should be more. When something is so well paced, written, and fluid, in both world building, characters, suspense, and dialogue, it doesn't satiate. Where something this long written terribly can take me a long time to read, this flew by, because it was actually good, so in a way, you've nailed a Catch-22 on yourself. You did good, and now you're not allowed to just quit, it seems. E-mail me if you wish to discuss this, but know I was impressed (then again, this is a very small and vague piece, the real test comes when it evolves into a story).
| Jiva chapter 1 . 9/27/2005
Damn...your a good writer. Must you be so good at everything? Why do guys have a such a fixation on guns, I mean seriously they are metal tubes that blow holes in people! Pity. Anyways as always you write very wel grammatically, figuratively...spellitivaly, though I wouldn't know cause I can't spell to save my life. However your a bit confusing at parts, is the assasins name Krath or Orfin?(I'm guessing it's Orfin but you do say Krath so I'm nto posotive) And maybe be a bit clearer on whose speaking, meaning less "he said, she said the man said". But otherwise it's excellent though maybe a bit over my head, seeing as it's not my usualy fortay but w/e I heart you so I'll read it and because I like feeling all special I'll review cause I'm first yay!
X AND O's (hahaha)**Jiva**