|Reviews for Lamentation|
| Adonia Chesser chapter 1 . 10/19/2005
Awesome peice of work, bravo!
| Charity F chapter 1 . 10/14/2005
as i've said before, i love your poems so much...they all have this amazing aura of intelligence and sophisticated mood and feel that you don't normally find with most poets...
and one thing i really love is the way all your poems seem to flow so well and the end stanza/line/word is so strong, solid, and final...your ability to lace words together is amazing and very cool you are quite the talented poet...
good luck in teh future and keep on wriitng!
Tabitha The Great XD
| Fallen Fire chapter 1 . 10/12/2005
A reccuring theme in your works; stillness. Even though things are happening, there's this seperation between the events around the speaker and where she's standing. Nice to see you cache in on it. You can enchance this more by carefully picking out the sounds you use inside the bounds of your poetry, rather than just by the meaning of the words. Soft 'sh's and assonance tend to soften the tones. Play with it some.
| ADSpencer chapter 1 . 10/10/2005
That's beautiful! I love it! So deep, so spiritual!
| TiEka Koniku chapter 1 . 10/10/2005
oh... such emotion. very well written. made me feel all sad and alone. great job! lol. keep writing. *TI*
| simpleplan13 chapter 1 . 10/9/2005
sad & beautiful... i love thw whole stars thing.. great job
| Aurora Borealis 91 chapter 1 . 10/8/2005
*jaw drops* dude, you really have a wonderful talent at writing poems. the sadness was so profound in this and every single line tied in with the entire message. that's something i have to work on...i mean its easy to put a simple rhyme together, but to tie it all into one profound meaning...really cool.. _Me
| Sakka-Fenikkusu chapter 1 . 10/7/2005
Whoa. Interesting. I can't really critique this... because you're better than me at poetry. U
| In Search of Sunrise chapter 1 . 10/6/2005
yes it is a very very lovely poem! haha...kokoro strikes again P
| Sye Tuazon chapter 1 . 10/6/2005
The first stanza's word choices are interesting. "draped in darkness", "echo is tumbling away", "taut silence", "grieving stars.. fade." I see. A curtain or a cape being pulled over something, then falling away, then being grabbed and stretched, until all the glistens on it start to wear away, too.
"This invisible stain from fallen tears/ Irreplaceable, pale memories in my heart" An invisible stain is appropriate. I never thought about stains from tears, I see the figure of speech often. But I guess it makes more sense to me the way you have written it. It's weird for my to associate "irreplaceable" with the word, "pale". Unless, by "irreplaceable", you mean something that haunts, and therefore it is "pale".
[With the monotony days passing on] "monotony" is a noun, you're looking for the adjective, **"monotonous".
I think it could've ended at the second to the last stanza. Usually, the last stanzas of poems tie into the first stanza, and I see it clearly doing this right now. But without an insight, it's dead space. It's not exactly like a chorus in a song, because indeed, it is a poem. And poems, unless there's an explicit mantra, usually have an insight attached to the original stanza if it's restated. Here.. it looks reworded. Maybe if you omit these two lines, and start where you left off in the first stanza, "Echoing into the forlorn darkness/ A sorrowful melody upon the wind". Bam. Omit, start with "Stars once bright..." then all is well.
You are very eloquent. I never knew what "forlorn" means. The rhyme scheme is so discreet I almost didn't notice it. That's what makes it good. It's non-intrusive, and very pleasing to the beat.
You are very talented, please continue to write.
| Unknown Unnamed chapter 1 . 10/5/2005
Wow. That is really pretty. The words you chose to use and the way you put this poem together... I just love it.
| forgottenmoon831 chapter 1 . 10/5/2005
I like the first stanza a lot...no wait, I like the second stanza... or the third... and the fourth... Oh, I just like the whole thing! Awesome job!
| faerie-gumdrops chapter 1 . 10/5/2005
Wow this is a really well-written and structured poem, and you made me think - ouch! My poor brain isn't used to being used lol. Anyway I really liked this, and I think that the wording in it was so beautiful. I'd love to know more about what it's about.
| naughtgreen chapter 1 . 10/4/2005
Stars are dreams. Dreams we can't reach. And those dreams are going away. The past won't go away because the past is now the future and probably the present. Oh, yes, you do have a destiny; you just don't want it.
| circumspice chapter 1 . 10/4/2005
I wish I could express how much I liked this as eloquently as you express yourself in poetry.