Reviews for The Fairy Fairy |
---|
![]() ![]() ![]() this story is amazing please update soon |
![]() ![]() ![]() aw! that is so cute! |
![]() ![]() ![]() oh my god! that is so cute! ha ha. i have just finished chapter one, but this is adorable! wow, simply amazing. a fairy fairy. ha ha. cute! |
![]() ![]() ![]() O.O you like making pretty boys (almost) kill themselves, neh? Really sweet, really sad. I love Levi in his spazticness and his awsomely cool fashion-ness. That braces thing was hilarious. And now for the technical constructive critisizm! (aka why my reviews take forever!)This is what I get from what I've read of your work so far:Your strong suits are plot creations and charactor outlines. You are very good at making original situations, and your charactors are both creative and reasonable. Also, your sentance structure and punctiation is proper. You don't repeat the same sentance cadence over and over (that's one of my problems -;).Now, the weakness I've noticed: Although your charactors and situations are mostly good, you don't add in much detail, so it gets a bit hard to understand your point. Like in chapter 12, you asked if Dolly was too whiny, and I was like "I dunno... he hasn't talked enough to be." Rant a bit! Add in more dialogue, even when it's totally random! You've got a great artistic mind. I'm sure in your head, you have everything about their world pictured- the school's layout, the furniture, the general fashion. And how do they hide from out world? You've got an awsome set-up and charactors. The more you elaborate and add detail, the more we get to know them! Off to read some more! |
![]() ![]() ![]() i love this story. it's depressing but good. |
![]() ![]() ![]() GR I WANT MORE! AH*throws cerazy emo fit*lol well i lked this three paragraphs... amazing so far dear, pleas update.. even though its a lil old... ~SS |
![]() ![]() ![]() ...*tear* ~SSps: DIE BASTARD EX DIE! |
![]() ![]() ![]() questions questions...yes I like dolly's POV... but I am used to Levi...No my character faves have not changed...IDC about parirings as long as Dolly and lEvi are good...Dolly is good...I want to see more descriptions...I think his famlies were there because they have "Faedar" and they knew something bad was gonna happen(idk)...Levi should beat the shit of of that ass hole...Lemon...HELLZ YEA! and of course descriptive...but not too much...(some erotica of course...)Dolly's POV is fine..Ricki...yes...no...uh...Levi's dad... i wish he wer min...Levi should take Dolly home and meet the family and have a few chatper of going on pickicks, dates, and etc... and maybe some... *unh*(sex) lol (*sigh* what alot of questions and I hope they help some..(since there are more chappies ahead...) ~blessings, SS |
![]() ![]() ![]() "Pain is what opens doors to revolations..." ~SS |
![]() ![]() ![]() Ok so I did get sad with this chapter... but theres hope.. i i think... lol... o and you need to tell who is talking (towards the end Im guessing it jumpes from Levi to dolly and such.. but there is no writeen alogation... (just lettin gyou know) ~SS |
![]() ![]() ![]() NO, dont lie to me levi... I thought I love you... (goodjob)~SS |
![]() ![]() ![]() WE~SS |
![]() ![]() ![]() OMG! AH lol omgomgomgogmthats amazing!Jolly Good show~SS |
![]() ![]() ![]() Euphoria and Saclyes and Levi definitly have a "love-hate" relation ship for sure, GJ~SS |
![]() ![]() ![]() aw I laughed in this good job.. and have u been to a beltane ball? (Ive had invitations but never been able to make it to them(and I wish I had)... Good job again, SS |